Judge — August 2, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Monographs. THE CRACK O’DOOM, 01 fresh-crowned hero of the Demoe: Ttune my lyre and iny Muse comm at honor in my pen ma; 1 to thy sudden asp ¢ god of party adulation; 1 of mushroom growth but great rotundity! Thine is ambition’s lor ount the el ntial race. ir of the great sire But weight alone, ynist of nearly twenty stone, Hath with the public very little heft; And thus, Tf , valiant speculator In eccentricities of human nature, Thy claims are scarce suflicient to entitle thee To hope next fall for victory. And so, sweet Grover, my honest Muse inspires me ‘To calmly prophesy—thou w t left! Je over for the retail trade.” Posing for effect—a goat ready to butt. A military man’s favorite sport—sword- fishing. Dancing is said to increase the size of the feet. What terribly cumbersome feet some of the snobs must have who are always danc- ing attendance on the great! Housewife—‘‘ Why does your milk look so blue these days, Mr. Schalk? It never has been quite so bad as now.” Milkman (apologetically) — “Well, you sec, mum, our cow has lost its calf. nat’rally feels rather blue over it, and I s’pose it aff the milk more or less. Can’t account for it any other way—I use the same pump I allers have. “By acting too q ui we often give im- pulse to forces, w! hich, if’ left alone, will exhaust themselves and do no harm.” We believe this implicitly. What's the use of kicking a fool when he can’t appreciate the impulse that led to the action. She | The Chinese Question. They wor But woul A prayer Or ak That Do they tell 2 Sli H her 1 bee I called on Ap My fechle con} “T's as cas: “Ryu Here shows For washing te James G. Blaine v ¢ Ins and Outs. Grover Cleveland d that the above entitled sta ontinued until the — first in November next. 3.0. DP. action ‘Tuesda att’y for Blaine. , att’y for Cleveland. A Virginia cat is reported to be rearing | two young foxes along with her litter of kit- tens. Those young reynards were evidently born for some good purr-puss. Rolliboy (extra he weather wilts me. pher that all flesh is g’ Scraggles (facetious “You'd make a prize hays you were well dried. Rolliboy (witheringly)—‘¢ And you’d make | the needle that never could be found in me. 3 well as the rest of mer, as he carries his cattle. Ilave you ever noticed that when a crowd of weary excursionists are waiting to be con- veyed home there is always some man to be found who will stand on the t by the | hour and dilligently wear out his eyes look- | ing for the train; ‘which, after all, steams into sight from the opposite direction with not a spare seat on board even for the con- summate idiot who’s been looking the g ‘ay for it witha patient asininity as remark- able as it is not ? weight)—* This hot » with the philoso- fe Ta therweight) — ack, then, if only 8 | the pail | Som long-headed old chaps on either side believe that to carry the next election will be {no light matter. “ Some ‘¢ boys” hope it will be a good deal of torch-light matter. | A Pittsnunan journal declares that there will be a special, superfine corner in heaven | | for newspaper humorists. ‘That editor must be a Universalist. him to read me the riddle an mean these kona to be noth Melican” fellow Chinee Je from their chaos extract thor’s the boss charmer wok Wh that the fair Yat y out sailing z-tse-Kiang, me was Up-Bang, friend of lin, turn, jectures he, laughing, did “Mey diddle diddle purn your celestial extractor of dirt that you owe him a « stockings Notable Members of Congress. Whom the Fenians love best to wear and the Orangemen love best Than whom we could spa Weller. Who, when he takesan opponent in debate, finishes him—-Skinner. Will reap what the a better man House sows—McCor- mick. Whom the House will never set the Poto- on— r he only member with a historic bend Milliken. The best man to keep the drifting into useless disc Most useful on tec of misinvesti; Most capabl debate—I 5 ‘reeminently the man of the House— Houseman. i n House from sic Sabell. a whitewashing commit- iwtion—W hiting. of ding members 8 in s the poorest excuse for not answering to his name—Caldw | Hardest for old Judg | Hill. | Best Liked by Ju Shines only in the n | Has no océasion to bi born. One of the coming men—Campbell. With whom most of the members are wil- put up—Willard, liked by the pages—Nutting. 1 throw most light on a subject Goes deepest in Fieree | Most useful to the presidential plotters— Weaver, Whose labors are appreciated by the great- | est numberof their fellow members—Brewer, | Cook. Only mem seat till M | Kelly to get over— Lynch—Hemphill. Luna. -Well- subjec not able to take his ‘Thomson. inspiration his own ‘To whom members apply. for consolation | Best man for | Pryor. an the previous question— comicbooks.com