Judge — July 26, 1884 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. For Somebody. friends remind us ur own sublime bebind us Monuments in prose and rhym By giving credit every time. —Gourernenr Herald. Paraonaraty We can make And depa av Best to Have a Sure Thing on Gin. ,” said a colored woman to her bet- ter half one day last week, ‘ you got two dollahs las’ week foh cleanin’ up "bout Mas- ter Winfield’s house an’ yahd. Where is dat two dollahs an’ put dat ah’ two dollahs in one ob dem banks up on Pine Street.” “An'—an’—de bottle’s empty, Phoby.” And he held an empty black bottle, from the neck of which there was a suspicious emanation of gin. Pheby squinted her eyes at the bottle longingly, but pretended not to see. “ Foh de lawd, F ob de money now. shuah.”” “You's right, Pheb; But dem banks is all got to bust, an’ den no money, no gin, no nothin’.” And he held the bottle up again. “Well,” she sighed sadly allers right "bout de financial But jis’ go an’ put dat ar’ money and don’t spend a cent for rum. He went out sorrowfully, and she raised the window and called after him : “Ezra!” “Tey? “Ts dem banks bound to bust?” “Dem banks’ll bust shuah, woman.” “ Dat’s too bad ; but I don’t want you to ot any rum, mind, Has you got de ttle?” Yes, Phoeby.” “Well, it’s heap waste o’bottle to bring it back empty, and | guess de banks will bust, Ezra. Hey? “Yas, Phoby.” “Whar you goin’ te get dat gin?” “Some place, Pheby.” “Well, git it den, ef you’s bound to con- terdict me ebry time. “Nevah saw such a obstinate niggah. Git aquaht, Ezra. You heah me?”— Williamsport Breakfast Table. a. we’s got to be sabin’ Hard times is comin’, “‘pears you's rs, Ezra. in de bank, Made No Difference. A TRAVELER just from the South reports the following: On one of the southern rail- roads there is a station called ‘¢ Sawyer.” Lately a newly married couple boarded the train, and were very loving indeed. The brakeman noticed the gushing groom kiss the bride about two hundred times, but maintained a serene quiet. Finally, the station in question was reached, and just after the whistle sounded the groom gave the bride a rousing smack on the lip, and the brakeman opened the door and shouted: “Sawyer! Sawyer!” “What's that?” responded the groom, looking over his shoulder at the brakeman. “ Sawyer,” replied the brakeman. “Well, Idon’t care a d—n if you did; she’s my wife.”—Merchant Traveler. “How old are a gentleman of the ‘young idea yesterday. “Well, sir,” replied the youthful ‘financier, “T shall be nine years old as soon as the cir- cus leaves.”—Boston Post. you, my little man?” asked Breaking it Gently. Youna Wire—“ My deor, you were the stroke oar at college, weren’t you?” Young husband—* Yes, love. “And a ve prominent member of the gymnastic class?” “T was the leader.” “And quite a hand at all the athletic contests? ” “Quite a hand? My gracious! I was the champion walker, the best runner, the head man at lifting heavy weights, and as for carrying! why, I could shoulder a bar- rel of flour and—” “Well, love, just please carry the baby a couple of hours; I’m tired.”—Philadelphia Cath, Something He Couldn't Do. vaT Goopw conversation wi riding. “You can’t talk nothin’ to me "bout cir- cus ridin, ’cos, you know, there ain’t no cir- cus riders outside of Yermany.” “ Well, I don’t know; the: “Pshaw! Amateur! Wallner.” “Tle can turn a double somersault riding round the ring.” “* Dot wos notin’; so can Wallner.” “ Robinson can do a spring through a hoop and land on the horse’s neck.” “Dot’s notin’; so can Wallner.” “Robinson can throw a somersault clear across the ring and land standing on the horse’s back.” “ Dot’s nothin’; so can Wallner.” “Yes, but Robinson can jump off a horse into the air, turn over three times and come down on the horse’s breath.” “So can Wall—no, Nat; dot was a — lie you was givin’ me.”—Boston Globe. tells a funny story of a h a German about circus 's Robinson.” He ain’t nothin’ to Not a Connoisseur. “ Pernaps you would like to walk into the library and examine my paintings,” sug- gested an art enthusiast to his guest, an governor of a neighboring State, now de- ceased, “TI thank you; I am extremely fond of fine paintings,” said the governor. «This, over the mantel,” said the host, after several gems had been examined and admired, ‘‘ is the work which I value most. I purchased it in Florence during my stay abroad, and I am almost ashamed to tell what I paid for You, of course, recog- nize the subje beautiful copy’ of the Sistine Madonna.” Oh! ah! yes,” said the governor. ‘Itis certainly very beautiful—very fine. Does it —ah—does it represent a Boston lady? ”— Boston Globe. Reversal of an Ancient Adage. “When I was young,” said Mrs. Yeast, “the principle used to be to spend as you go.” “Well, isn’t it just the same now?” in- quired Mr. Crimsonbeak. “Bless you, no,” replied the old lady, throwing down the paper of a recent bank defalcation; “the principle of bank people seems to be to spend before you go! ”— Yon- kers Statesman. Verdict of Experts. «Peten in your corpse,” demanded the foreman of a Texas coroner's jury. The body was laid before them. The jury made a careful examination and questioned the attending surgeon, “Whar was he shot?” “Square through the heart.” “Dead in the center o” the heart?” “Right in the center.” “Who shot him?” “Jake Dani A dozen witnesses declared Jake fired the shot and Jake himself admitted it. The jury consulted softly for some time. “ Well, gentlemen of the jury,” said the coroner, ‘what is your verdic “ Waal, Jedge, we've come to the conclu- sion that Jake Daniels is the dandiest shot in these parts, and don’t you forgit it.”— Chicago News. Tuene is a law prevailing among the Os- age Indians by hich the’inan eho. first marries a daughter in any family acquires the right to takeall the daughters home with him. Among civilized people he only has to take the young lady’s mother.—Burling- ton Free Press, Tiere was a heated discussion in a Third Ward hotel the other night. ‘I tell you, sir,” said one of the dispu s. “I tell you, sir, there is no law made but what the people can change.” “Yes, there is,” said anewcomer. ‘* There is one law that no man, no pecele can change.” ‘ What is that? ” ** Mother-in-law,”—Breakfact Table. “T hear Johnson is now editing The Humper,” said Clipper to Paste ye ‘qEditing it?” ejaculated Paste. responded Clipper. “Great If Paste, ‘‘to what uses do we come at la Silence reigned.— Washington Hatchet. “T’ve just sold Thompson two buildings on Wabash avenue,” said a Chicago real estate dealer to a Brooklyn Zagle man, “He must have plastered them with a pretty heavy mortgage,” was the reply. o; he paid cash to the full amount.” “Paid cash. Why, he’s a poor man, “* He was until last week; but he tended a hotel bar during the convention. Tue following smart remark was made by a seven-year-old. boy of our acquaintanc The doctor had come to prescribe for his sister, and suggested that the little boy might also take some of the medicine, as it would do him no harm. ** No,” said the little fellow manfully, ** there’s nothing the matter with me, and you ain’t going to run up a big bill against papa on my account.” —Oil City Derric Columbia Bicycle THE POPULAR STEEDS OF TO-DAY. Send Scent stamp for Mustrated Catalogue THE POPE MANUFACTURING CO., {WF Washington 8t,, Boston, Masa. Branch House, 12 Warren street, New York ange Mt Matalajee free. Own comicbooks.com