Judge — May 10, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In London. I svust think Heraclitus is as mean as he can be. He came to and was so mad bout my going to the theatre with the Baron, that he forthwith dragged Marie and Kathleen and me right back to London with him. Worse than all else he threatens to send for his mother or his sister to be with me. As if I was not capable of taking care of myself. If I thonght his mother were really coming, I’d- write my own dear mamma such a letter that she'd take the first steamer she could get and come out to me. Then with his own mother and his mother-in-law, I guess my dear husband would have his hands full. Crossing the channel was simply horrible. I was too ill to speak before the boat started Marie was nearly as sick as I was, so Hera- clitus had to do the best he could and look out for little Kathleen himself. Serve him right, too, for taking me away from the Baron and dear Paris where all is bright and gay, and bringing me up here to horrid old London, that is stupider than ever since Prince Leopold's death. London is nice in the season, but its just dismal now. There’s one thing though I'm bound to do, and that is to be presented at court— the very next drawing room—if I’m here at the time, and I’m bound to be noticed in The Court Journal if I have to write a de- scription of my costume myself. Heraclitus says stuff and nonsense, but I don’t care what he says. We managed to see something of the funeral and I suppose I ought to be thank- ful for even that diversion, for it isn’t every day one can witness the funeral of a Prince. The Quecn wanted to make all the ar- rangements herself, but she didn’t seem to know her own mind two minutes at a time, First she ordered the coflin to be carried on a funeral car with every one in black and in Then she changed her mind and said the funeral should be a military one and that the coffin should be on everybody in uniform. Then she changed again but finally uni- forms were commanded and there was no gun carriage. I declare she couldn't have made more fuss over a wedding dre if she changes her mind on other matters a: frequently as she did on this, she must make things lively for her ladies in waiting. However, as one of the papers said, the s, and | THE JUDGE. funeral went off very well indeed, and now the Queen has gone off too. I wanted Heraclitus to take me to Darm- stadt, but I don’t believe the wedding there will amount to much after all. We went to hear Lawrence Barrett play Yorick’s Love” the other night, but Ididn’t care much about it, and then we went also see Rignold in “My Partner.” J saw Rignold in the States play Henry the Fifth, and I should never have recognized him in this play. He wasa perfectly elegant Prince, but he is horrid as a California miner. I do hope Heraclitus will have to go back | to Paris soon. [ want to get a lotof lovely costumes and then come back to London later on. I shall play my cards to get in- | vited to some of the swell lawn parties and receptions. I’ve seen Miss Chamberlain or | or Chamberlayne as she now spells it, and | can say, without vanity, I’m quite as good looking as she is any day. If T can do it, without Heraclitus finding it out, I shall have my photograph taken in all sorts of attitudes, but I suppose my worthy husband would howl if he saw my picture in a shop window. He’s made a lot of money since we came over, that I know, and I believe he’s been indul in some pretty heavy games of baccarat. Beside all this he belongs to a club and he plays poker lots, So I rather think I'll have what I want. He never gave meathing for Easter, but the Baron did, One evening before Easter, the Baron accidently broke a fan I was carrying and on Easter morning I received alarge blue satin case, in the shape of anegg, and inside the case was a beautiful black feather fan with tortoise shell sticks and my monogram carved inthe shell. ‘The egg was placed in a large basket completely filled with lovely roses. Heraclitus ¥ saw it, and ¢ in a tearing rage when he ked who sent it. The card had fallen off and was lying on the floor, I quietly put my foot over the pastebo and asked him how he supposed | knew. | Then Tadded fuel to the flames by ex- claiming, ‘* Why dear, it must have come from you, and you are doing this to sur- prise me | Then he used some very naughty word and said I should send it back. | explained how impossible this would be | as no one knew the sender. The messenger that brought it had dis- appeared, so there was nothing more to be done. How Heraclitus does hate the sight of that fan though! I carried it the night we went to hear Barrett, and I declare I was fraid he would break it. It is a perfect beauty in my eyes and never cost less than 500 francs and I shall nse it just as often as I please. Is he doesn’t behave and take me to Darmstadt or Paris, I'll wave it gracefully beneath his nose on every possible occasion, and [ll teach him that the person to be trifled with isnot rexeLore rennyreatnen. rd, “Tiey say Dr. Couton has had great success in removing tumors.” ** Yes, splen- did su s.” ‘* But does he always suc- ceed “* Always; but sometimes when the tumor is a very obstinate one, instead of removing the tumor, he removes the patient. It is the easiest way out of the difficulty, you know. He never allows anybody else to succeed where he has failed. His profe: sional pride doesn’t admit of it, you know —Boston Transcript. Gesxt—(To lady who has been discoursing on the science of horticulture) “Ah, ye youcan tell me the reason why your plants grow so lururiantly; but I wish you would fell me why my moustache does not thrive better.” Lapy— Well, J should imagine it is kept too much in the shade.” Intercepted Letters. My Dear Jepee:—Hitherto, I flatter myself on having succeeded in intercepting ne “quaint and curious ” epistolary speci- mens from various veritable sources for the delectation of yourself and readers; but on the present occasion I have the honor to present an intercepted Aldermanic specimen of raphic versatility which cannot fail to amuse, as well as instruct, both you and your ‘‘constitooints”—to borrow a word from the distinguished intercepted episto- larian, Strange that the popular or vulgar meaning of the adjective ** common,” quali- fying the noun ‘ Council,” never before presented itself to the obtuse understanding of your interceptional correspondent. THE O'CALLAGHAN Atpenante Cranes, New York, Marcu 24, 1884, Me DERE OULD FRIND axed me in yere lasht letther how ’twos that [ raiched the high an’ prowd an’ honnerable pusishun I now okupy in th’ boord ov aldher- min in this mitthropolis ov freedum. Now iv ye'll lissen I'll tell yees all about that same an’ how id kim about, furst an’ formist be meer axidint, for I suppose th’ naybors all ’round about the parish an’ townland will he plaised an’ prowd to here how meeself, Jeremiah McGeoghegan, becum an aldher- man, an’ be vartta ov me offis as sich, won ov th’ city fathers here, as we're stiled re- spactibly be th’ peeple an’ th’ noospapers. ‘This is th’ way it all kim about. Jist a wake or thereabouts afore th’ lasht clicshun, which always cums in Novimber for sum rais nother which I can’t foind out, barrin’ ’tis becous it doesn’t happen anny other month ov th’ yere, I wos workin’ on th’ big poipes here, w job that was got for me whin I wos carrin’ th’ hod be me second cussin at th’ mothers’ side, assimblyman McGerraty who, be th’ same tohin’, wos since clicted out ov oftis. But, as I was sayin’, as I was trudgin’ home, that is to me boordin’ house, won evenin’ afther wurrak, wid me tin dinner can in me hand, an’ widh a hevvy hart an’ lite pocket, an’ ravolvin’ in me moind phat a quare wurruld this wos, who shud I mate be axident but me ould acquaintince comicbooks.com