Judge — May 10, 1884 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Topnoody. ly DEAR aid Mr, Topnoody to his wife as he looked up from his pape here that Henry Bergh is in favor of the whipping post for husbands who beat their wives ‘Who's Henry Berg she inquire¢ “Ts he an officer of the law who expects to make a fee by the valuable may render the Stat o, my dear, he is the president of the ty for the Prevention of Cruel Ity to Ani- service he Doesn’t he c; band at the post * Husbands are not animals, my dear, “Oh, ain’t they! Well, my ‘experienc and observation led me to believe they wer “T don’t see how you can say that.” “Well, they roll in the gutter some they grunt a good deal; they snarl and ften; they ——” h, my not ina good humor. you would like to see m it cruelty to whip a hus- dear. [see you are I don't think, though, led to the whipping ‘Topnoody, I would not for various I knew it. at times and you ma um sure, underne: > tender and loving and your full of gentleness and sympathy.” kind of you to say sv, ‘Topnoody. It might not be so severe on me to have you suffer to some extent, but 1 wouldn't want to see you killed Killed, my dear? It “I knew it, my dear. may say hard thin You pesn’t kill a man to whip him at a y ‘Topnoody, not under ordinary cir- cumstances; but if you had to go to the whipping post after I got through with you, in case you attempted to beat me, I feel more than confident it would be a larger dose than your constitution could stand, and I would be left a widow and I don’t want to be left a widow until after spring cleaning 1 early gardeni ire done, Topnoody returned to his re chant Traveler. —Mer- Beats the Charge of the Light Brigade. ‘Two old soldiers were discussing some the hard-fought battles of the late when one said “Our regiment made Stone River. I doubt equalled.” Yes, it was,” forgot the charge Balaklava “Oh, exclaimed the first soldier, “if [can’t show you a charge that will beat it, [ll stand the cigars. All right; let’s | “Just look at that Tt was a ‘doe tor’s bill. dent. a grand charge at if it has ever been “You Light Brigade at replied the othe: of the aimed. “Can Newman Indepen- A Legal Suggestion. Two San Fra 0 women are about a wedding dre: ach claiming i the testimony is so mixed that the jud decide. Let him try Solomon’s scheme with the woman and the baby! Let him threaten to spill a plate of soup or a dish of ice cream on the dress; the woman who-screams and calls him ‘‘a mean old thing” will be the real owner.—Detroit Free Press. | do now THE JUDGE. The Pearl of Politeness. JOHNNY is avery ‘peart”” youngster, and like most small boys, not as polite as he will be when he becomes a beau. Not long ago he popped down in a chair and refused to surrender it to a lady who was calling on his mother. After the lady had gone, Johnny mother interviewed him along toward the noon of his omy with a heavy shingle, and, as she finished, she sai “There, you impolite boy, you'll chair to a lady after this, won't 5 *Yes'm—boo hoo—I s*pose sob—anyhow fur a while— feel—sob—’s if I could the next six weeks—sob.”- eler. b—'e — Merchant Trav- Too Many Pages. ‘Three or four miles out of East Point, -, a negro was taken very sick a few weeks ago. A brother of color, who had bought himself a cheap medicine treatise, volun- teered to cure the patient for four Lushels of sweet potatocs. He had not doctored him over three days, however, before the patient was cold in death. A white doctor living in the town happened to be and was called in, When he had tasted the medicine, which was in a gallon jug, he asked: “What disease did you doctor for?” Poll-evil, sah.” “What! Who ever heard of am x poll-evil? ‘That is a horse dises The other at once opened his book to page nd said: ““Reckon you'll find it right dar, sah.” x said the doctor, he thumbed the leaves over, ‘* but the diseases of man are not found in this department. This is headed, ‘ Ailments of Live Stoc' de Lawd!” gasped the negro, as he atched the and y turned the fo’ de Lawd if I didn’t turn over ages too many! [ meant to hit him ‘onstmpshon and billyus fever.” —Detroit ree Press. n hav- Why Mike Boyle was not Guilty. When Michacl Boyle, a veteran defen- dant at Mercer Court, was called to pl a charge of stealing air of worth $3 from ‘Thomas Ralph, of Prin he replic¢ Lam not guilty of that.” You didn’t take the pantaloons?” cutor Reasley asked. “Oh, yes, [ took them.” “Why do you say, then, that you are not guilty? «Because Tom Ralph never owned of pants worth (Laughter. ]—7) Times. Prose- pair nton Finst FEMALE SYMPATHIZ bad. That poor man will have to be hung. T can’t get a respite, and the di ch has already been set over him.” ond female sympathizer—* The death watch! how awful it sounds!” ** Yes; what can we except send him some (more bou- quets? “Yes; poor, poor man! we must keep hisceli decorated with flowers. You most murderers have wives to come and comfort them in the last terrible ‘8, but this poor man has none.” rue, very true; it was his wife that he killed, poor fellow.”—Philadelphia Call. THey aay It is too e bat we think 1 "Use Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup: Youcan get thle drug store for twenty Payeicians Ouive LoGAN says not one-quarter of the British people know what their soldiers are fighting for out in Egypt. They are fight- ing for less than 88 a month, and we sup- all the British people knew that.— orristown Herald. A ‘TrXAS paper has recently taken to say- ing kind words for the dude: This is an- other evidence of editorial shrewdness. That writer wants to attract the dudes to that State so that the cowboys will have some- thing else to practice upon besides useful citizens.— Philadelphia Chronicle- Herald. ON a monument erected over 4 the cemetery in Georgetown is the tion, ‘She was a respectable woman.” ‘This is modest enough, certainly; but yet there are few Georgetown women who can read the inscription without turning their heads and mutteri “Humph!"—Boston Tran- script. It is said that a Boston man broke off his riage with a young lady ‘*beeause she spelt hugging with one * ‘The provo tion was great to be sure, but as she prac- ticed hugging with two arms, we—that is, some young men would not care if she spelled the word without any g’s at all. Chicago Sun. grave in nscrip- “Trmink, my dear,” said Mr he stitched one more block into the silk quilt,” “that you had better send up to-morrow.” nd up aman!” said “Well, what for, 1 should like to If there is anything to be done by 2 around here, I guess I'm the man to Shuttle, Job, with sur- know am do it. “Very well. nd a half, parlor carpe! “Welly? said Job, send up the man. ‘Then we shall save a dollar thinking of taking up the a man to beat it.” “that beats me. I will Hartford Post. wet Higham \ BAND INSTRUMENTS | Cat ¥ elze. Que set @asdscme Chain Borde ‘OOLD MEDAL, PARIS, 1878. BAKER'S Breakfast Cocca. Warranted absolately pure om which aw excess of ca removed. Ithaa three the atrength of Cocoa mixed ot Sagar, ire economl nourtahing, well as for persons tn health. Sold by Grocers everywhere. ery Jught to have. for new elegantly Mustra ted 3° page Catalogue and Price List THE POPE MANUFACTURING CO., 63% Washington St, Bost Branch House, 12 Warren Masa, . New York. comicbooks.com