Judge — April 19, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| } . — ata I’se took in Tompson street and sebe odders ob like callibre, an wen I gets back I kin gib yer some waluable inflamation ’bout | dese localities. Bout de wuss place in de | whole town dough am in a certain part ob 30th street, and de niggabs dat infest de place ought to hab a well armed missionary senttoem. I ain't much ob a gography- narian, but I jess reckon dat de mission to Liberia would hab a purty lively toime con- wartin some ob de 30th street sinnahs, Dinah an Bruddah White am gone to dat street to lib, and I’m tole dat he’s giben up de gospel and is keepin a cullud’sportin house, war de fust class waitahs an sich, spen dar time playin a game called pokah an anudder called keeno, an dey say wid | Dinah to help him, he’ll soon bea rich man, I doan wondah at it. Dinah always war a powerful hand wid a pokah, and she ken hit de kee note ebery time, and I'll bet on her, dat is, I would bet, if I war a bettin sinnah. But de Lor be praised, I’ll soon turn my back on all dese doin’s and wen dese ole eyes ken see a Norf Carliny hen roos dar’ll be joy dan dare would ober ten tousand gambling tricks. De missus dat I works for keeps a fust class boardin’ house, and all de rooms is rentid out, so she habs no place for me to sleep. Wen de work am done for the day I takes myself off for de night, an dat is how Ihab so many oppertunities "forded me for taking obserwations. Some ob de boahdahs has giben me close an tings, so dat Iam able now to present a moah spectacular appeahance dan wen I fust ’ribed, and I reckon de New Guinea folks will hardly recobnize dere ole neighbor. Wall, I shan’t bring your’s and Phronie’s hairs down in sorrer to de grabe by wearin’ ole close, and if de missis pays up wen my wages is due, I’ll soon be wid yer. Till den I’m yer pooah but respectable Ole Fadder Axprew Mant Vas Bort Mocnenny. A Spring Poet. He entered the sanctum hesitatingly tiously approached the editorial desk, la his manuscript down upon it, and quietly took a seat. “T have a few verses on Spring,” he re- marked timidly, ‘¢ which —— ” “Then spring right off that chair,” cried the editor savagely, “or you'll be sprung down stairs. He sprang. A New Motto. He staggered into the room, and after several ineffectual attempts to light the gas with a toothpick, called out— “Shay, there—you ‘bed? ” “Yes,” answered his better half, sleepily. “What do you want?” “Come out (hic) here, and light this (hic) light this gas, will you? I can’t find (hic) can’t find the hole. Tho poor sleepy little woman dragged herself out of bed, and fumbling around on the mantel-piece ‘till she found a match, kindled the gh: blue flame of the diluted illuminating fluid which a soulless corpora- tion peddled to the citizens of Bucktown for gas. “Tha—thas better!” exclaimed the be- lated citizen. “Been (hic) been to a lec- ture, my dear—long lecture, awful (hic) awful long.” ‘The little discouraged woman crept back to bed without a word, and her literary lord proceeded to disrobe himself. In the midst THE JUDGE. ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE. Hans—“ Ish dere anytings to pay on dis drunk?” Facetious BAGGAGEMASTE dollars fine and a new suit of cloth of this very difficult and critical process | something seemed to arrest his attention, and prey upon his mind. He sat him down and fixed his eyes on the handsomely worked | motto above the bed, ‘‘Good Night,” and | then let them wander to the opposite wall, | where hung the illuminated text, ‘God | Bless Our Home.” hay,” he asked, approaching the bed— | “Shay, my dear, dont you want nuzzer motto to put on (hic) put on the wall?” Ilis wife heaved a deprecatory sigh. “Well, I do,” persisted the belated citi- | zen. “'T’morrow I’m going to bring one home—awful (hic) awful pretty one. Don’t you wanto know what it is! “ Well—what is it?” “Mixed drinks (hic) two f’r quarter.” As long as Chinamen will deign to wash the white man’s clothes; “Till laws can keep theflong pig-tail from growing where it grows, “Till Comstock can unearth and close the last lone opium joint, We'll never need C. $. Reform policemen to appoint He Had Been There. Van DeMark had extracted a small for- tune from the mines of Northern California, and he decided to make a trip to Europe. “T hear you soon sail for Europe,” said a friend. “Yes, I leave next Tues “Do you take cabin or steerage passags “Oh, I don’t care for expenses, I’m going to take steerage. I’ve lived in cabin up to the mine for the past twelve years. ‘There’s nothing too good for me as long as I have the dust to pay for it.— Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. Vell, dunno’. “The wedding bell * Forsooth, The last drunk I was on, cost me ten The Rime of the Aged Tar. NOT HY ST. COLERIDER, Iv isan ancient sailor man, And he haileth one of three ut must tarry here a And listen unto me He seized with his fingers five, His long hand; He hath no choice but to obey ‘That marine ° command. But he unto that antique tar, And what will she, my bonnie bride, Think if I shoutd be late?" ‘The bridegroom then that Full soundly did berate. neient salt are calling me And bont to church; What will she do if I should leave Her thus all in the lurch? ‘The marriage feast will get quite cold, The guests will hungry grow, k it very shabby that ‘Their host should treat them so.” He held him with his Sngers five, His gaunt and horny fist; is grasp, aid that hapless man, “If thou thy yarn must spin, I prithee, wit ‘Thy ut more ado, pesky tale begin.” if f y ty comicbooks.com