Judge — March 8, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ Tunder und blitzent enough for all Yermany meinself. showed all my false teeth. for Thad nota stitch fit to put on, all my dresses left at the hotel, but I was obliged to do the best I could. First, my curls hal to be frizzed— if you could have scen Bill Billie standing ona chair (he is the smallest. man, only 4 feet 3 inches) trying to make each refractory piece of hair look like a love lock. my neck more than once try self, and Billie sobbed and said, * PU learn to do it dear,” but he muttered down in his y do it so badly you'll never ask me My dress on, the hnmps (those are the high shoulders), were ail flattened from = cling, and I made Billie take my sleeves and blow up them till he was tired, and his face red asa turkey-cock. J ought to tell you the dress was electric blue to match my eves, and quite too-too in every way, | Oscar Wilde might have let me wear it in’ his “ Tfouse Beautiful.” But oh, horror of horrors! my waterfall would not sit out enough, so I sent [ill Billie off to the nearest shop for a parcel of Loots on appro nd told bim to sew the Drown paper wrapped round them into a gigantic crinolette shape 1 the inflation made me look like a butterfly going to light on a rose. Come Bille. rough, J she said, “if vou are artitice ial, you’re beantiful!”” Wasu'tit rade; why, Thad only ronged twice that day, and had curled my hair four times, and the clectri blue was my fourth best without the wee ding gown iailor made. You know men do toilet was complete. and-gsce muddy,” sitied understand dressing the fair sex, and are | never jealous of them. But oh, pity me, Arabella, the brougham was a single one, and I knew if I sat down all my bustle would be flat; so I kissed Bill Billic, and whispered, ** get me a footstool,” which he did, and then 1 knelt down upon it. Billie wanted to put his arm round me, but I said emphatically, No! It was rather trying driving ten miles kneeling. I hated ihe big moou for glaring PU seu your pigs and 1 dinks xo xame.”” J burnt | to do it my- | THE JUDGE. lutions to the right apout. I am hog | atime, but FE had my reward whe: | sington whispered ‘to the host. “my dear, | she’s chic to a degree, and has the best skin, | highest humps and largest tournure, with | the most. knowing bon-bon curls, and is by long odds the s test little woman here to-night. Mrs, Her- “Tenney high wind to-day,” remarked } Vereker. “As I was coming up Fourth avenue this morning a shutter was blown clear off a window over a store, and struck on that was standing underneath.” Gracions,” Mrs. V., “did it do any “Well, it knocked it speech- answered Vereker, ‘Knocked a ‘on speechle: What on earth do you mean ueried the lady. — ‘* Well, knocked the wagon’s tongue out,” said Ve eker; “and what’s more, it was tried for it. |The fellocs impanelled a jury on the spot |and re-tired and sentenced it ‘to be hung!” | ‘Try ashutter? What nonsense,” said his better-half, What did they do that for?” “For a blind,” answered the incorrigible joker, as he quickly slid out of doors whi Mrs, V. was looking for something to throw Jat him. | less,” wat Rather Fishy. | “Sere this fanny little fish,” said Mr. Brown, holding up a diminutive sole for his wife to look at. “T don't anything particularly funny j about it,” she remarked. “Don’t you know that brevity is the soul | of wit, my dear,” said her husband. “That's rather far fetched, I think,” re- | torted his better half. “You're quite ri vall the way from En, ht, my dear. It came land.” ‘Tne write man in the rite placo—the editor | at church, | Tue Detroit Free Press prints a regular column of “ Dramatic Drift.” Must refer | to the sticks in the profession. Telling Fortunes. ct this gypsy tell as did Amabel imy “Thave often wondered can a Gypsy tell me what I am.” And, as still we paused and wavered, Raven-tre and not ill-favored, ‘To our side approached Gitana, With a dusky, outstretched palm, eat dark eyes, uplifted rough the tresses that bad drifted Zepyr-blown across her forehead, Burned lik s eyes of old; Burned so weird! y ntened, On my arm her light grasp tightened; *oh, that gypsy’s horrid! T don’t want my fortune told.” F fortune! rtune— And her y, my maiden,” urged Gitana, And her voice, as manna, Soft and soothing in its accent, Reassured my Amy's fears; Pure as though some bird had lost it, Rich as bride-cake, sugar-frosted, Foreign music, Ang By a residence of ye tay, my maiden; deign to suit your Present mood to brighter future, And you'll win and wear a lover Singled out of all the land! Will you listen?” Amy bridled, Blustied, and half behind me sidled, ‘Then a triumph of the glover Drow from her reluctant hand. Though I knew not what the fee was, I, as I could plainly sce, wa Looked to by her as the Debtor for the usual So, with some half-smothered And some fruitless pocket try I drew forth a quarter-eagle, Stood and pocketed the loss. “You will wed,” began the secress, “A proud carl and be a peeress, And will dwell beyond the waters In his old ancestral hall — “Pleasant, so far,” whispered Amy; T assented as became me — “Will have many sons and daughters, And have pleasure in them all, Yet life's line is not quite flawless, Your proud lord’s love will be lawless, For he never has repressed it; Till his death shall set you free.” “ And when he is dead?” she queried— “Then of life you will be wearied.” “Nay,” I playfully suggested, “Then you can come back to me.” At the word, the gypsy mournful Flashed on me a glance so scornful I felt chidden for some meanness — She took up the tale aj “And this w Will be ere the fall hath se Yon wheat, waving in its greenness; Ere the spring-time turns to rain.” Amy let her blue eyes linger On the ring that spanned her finger, Smiled on me; then — “Fair Gitana, All you say is very nice; But your carl’s too slow a comer, T told some one * yea’ last summer; Now the point arises, Girl so soon get m: A CuILticoTH man calls his wife's tongue sicharity. because it begins at home, as h soon as he gets there. comicbooks.com