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Judge, 1884-02-16 · page 2 of 16

Judge — February 16, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

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Judge — February 16, 1884 — page 2: Judge, 1884-02-16

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# Satire in Judge Magazine Page This page contains two main satirical pieces: **"Chandler and Roach"** attacks Secretary of the Navy William E. Chandler and defense contractor John Roach. The satire alleges that Roach, as a ship-builder, profits enormously from naval contracts while delivering poor vessels—described as failures existing "mainly on paper." The author suggests Chandler enables this corrupt arrangement, allowing Roach to grow fat while the U.S. Navy remains weak and unable to protect American interests abroad or dignity against smaller nations. **"Valentine's Day"** is lighter satire about romantic customs, joking that birds supposedly select mates on Valentine's Day according to tradition, while humans awkwardly imitate them in matters of love. The piece humorously suggests the comparison between bird and human courtship behavior is imperfect. Both pieces exemplify Judge's role mocking government inefficiency, corruption, and social pretense in Gilded Age America.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. | and 323 Pearl St., NEW YORK. (Franklin Square.) Pontisien TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. er rersor ree ad THE sUDar ISHING € i, MPANY and sh art St., New York. EN NTS MPasy, 11 Bou Lox Tue Esrensary NOTICE ast put thetr valuation send t t regaln thelr CHANDLER AND ROACH. John Roa od serviceable Witat buik ably fill three Webster's know "t_know about would prob- or four volun Unabridged: bout maki what he 1 fat th his contracts could be compres space of speech, doesn’t ig ont of d into the a bridegroom's weddi in short, isn’t worth It is i notorious fact that our navy is in deplorat mainly and, nowi indee would the sert their le condition, , exists on paper. United States be powerless to s dignity or protect their citizens abroad in the ation with one of the great European powers, but they are compelled more t asionally to put up | with indignities from little South American republics from lack of a serviceable ship of | war to support their dignity and_ resent affront. The fact have a very invalid | navy. The few ships we > old, and out of and although they in a compara a vast expen! r war in the last quarter of the nineteenth they are total failures. Secretary the affairs of He is our ship- event of any com} is we century, Chandler administers such as it our navy ler, tud: 0 to speak talen By dint of person sand almost Sir Joseph Porter, K.C. be ruler of the U. avee. B., ho has risen to Tt is a proud | and enviable position, for, if he has not | spring, THE JUDGE. he has er it with, ch comes in, much of a navy to ruk plenty of mot that is where y to admini John R patches up the old hulk fit to float for expense which should suffice to repli with new and service models. ( © proverbially fatteni Roach has waxed fat. gets, the leaner and more It is decidedly > roach to Lecoi a year or two more at an e them ble vessels of the most nment approved contracts so John fatter he attenuated grows our navy. the a ship-chandler. he rises far roaches; but, meanwhile, the Well, t apparently built to fight, the ad- of the plutocratic nto be a good thing ec the favorite of gets so well fed that the average of what becomes of avera soon above it sometimes and, it w ght miring fellow-citizens have satisfied. | the and roach every They the privilege of providin money which Mr, Chandler dispenses, which Mr. rea: have ach acquires. 'VALENTINE'S DAY. Sweet St. Valentine, patron saint of love and lovers, the Cupid of the christian my- This 5 ee it is leap: carry a two-fold barb, in. that they | The fourteenth ‘y has been set apart as the d ered to St. V principally because according to old tradition, that is the day on which the birds select their mates. Whether the birds ol e the so serupit lously, however, in making their selections, may well be doubted, and, the aflinity between birds and humans in mi ters of the heart does not appes er than in other matters. Running over his ac y, is with w rhe has a double arrow power. be¢ t by either sex. almana furthermore, to be any with the idea of them to their ornithological equiv- alents, Tur JupGr ed to admit that a comparatively small number of species of the feathered tribe are capable of being used a: for the American » we may meet in plenty, flock- Broadway, thronging our stor maintance in review, reducin is constral averag citizen. ing alon, y receptions. hawk or two during frequent visits to Wall street. Magpies abound, are to be met with in rich pro- fusion at summer hotels and city boarding More rarely we find a duck—but when we do find her she amply search, houses. avs the nd magnificently increases our faith in the sweeter sid Where there and, of human nature. are hawks there this Ia all over town. ceptior of an oc ust be pige sooth to species is These, ional ra ens of ornithological ommon with the ex- , form the sole humanity Tur vas met with, for he has never gone enough rivaling those of | gunning for spring chickens. But, whether derived from the birds, or springing naturally like the buds in early , the pretty custom of interchanging at least | portant tokens of friendship or love on Valentine’s Day has long prevailed, and deubtless will long prevail ai “In the sprit turns to thou And He , and renders them jong the youth of both sexes, a young man’ hts of love.” and when those thoug ancy Ii says Uh its can tind expre in lace paper and-milk-and-water I sold at reasonable rates, and wafted over the length and breadth of the land at the trifling | cost of two cents, it is not surprising that | the trade in Valentines should boom and the e lines, | mails be overloaded with smiles ands and heart thrills on the fourteenth of Feb- ruary. By the way, it would be interesting to note if there is in the am before Valentine’s Day in this year of over that which has been carried in pre¢ | ing r be it remembered that this is the first Valentine's Day which has fallen ince the rate of postage was reduced from three to two cents, dollars considers int of mail matter carr race and in this mercantile and even cent rm no unim- aking. ‘The youth of to-day resembles that citizen of credit and John Gilpin, who ‘though pleasure he was bent he had a fru Howeve lement in love renown, on gal mind,” | hopes that toall his friends what th that those vile lesired; he trus caricatures which are a trav- | esty on the poetic mission of sweet St. Vs entine only went to people who deserve them, and that the young lovers tinted paperand patchouli ver conld desire rall Tur and, if ice, JvoGr it so. THE NEW STOCK EXCHANGE. street to be ver to bi Is Pine and Wall ame to conjure to be redolent of street,” ifferent The time a dream, reet no lo by? Will Broad millions, street cea and will ‘the speak of it, when we convey quite a d idea it d questions, an Meanwhile from wh: $s at present? Are momento only the plaining that the building is insufi- and that there additional space The , the yw the can answer then brokers and following | cient for its purpose is no in inference is ob- Stock Exchange upward tendency of It that its present locality. vious. If this be will have to fo alll and move further up town, gine the change effect in the viei f the present Stock Exchange. Mow Wall go down with such a removal wou u rush, nd how that busy street would be deserted | and waste, till it accepted its changed f tunes and adapted itself to some other bu probably wholesale — trade } would be a mighty boom in real estate in the neighborhood selected for the new Exchange; the banks would naturally follow their busine: vet property would ac | ness and a new comicbooks.com