Judge — January 16, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

lease myself. It now became very evident to me that the man’s arm was round my waist, and, what e, pa saw it What could I d Stick my fork into the offending hand? No, that would be undig- nified. Kick him under the table? He only smiled and said, ‘If you love me, tell me s0; but don’t soil my boots.” I longed to ery, to roar, but that would have only made matters worse, so I could only sit there blushing like a fool till my ears tingled—or, as Hood so touchingly de- scribes it: “T heard such a rushing—T felt such a flushing, I knew I was blushing, “As red as a beet Pa just then bent across the table, and said in t “company voice” of his that always means mischief, * Tam afraid you are not wel Oh! you, ‘and T hat If you hadn’t id ** My dear,” I might have sat qu but I know ‘*My dear” means, “Kitty Virtu, mind what you're about; you’re going to catch it bye and bye.” I felt so mad I cried out, ‘* Pa, it’s not my fault. I never asked him; he did it himself.” And then I turned to th: ious Johns and said, aloud, as loud, ‘¢ How dare you pre- sume, sir, to put your arm round-my waist?” “My arm round your waist, ma’am,” he said, staring like a fool, ‘I never did— never thought of such a thing.” “Don’t tell me sir,” I every one was tittering; so I stood up as straight as I could, and down rolled t y little terrier, Toby, that Mrs. tue makes such a pet of. [saw at once how it was, The little wretch had crept up on my bustle, and I thought—oh! I thought it was Mr, John’s arm, I didn’t know if I was on my head or my heels, and I heard everyone, Johns and all, giggling like nin- nies. And the solemn butler, John, and Mrs. Fortescue’s tall footman, rushed out of the room and nged the door. And yp said, ‘* Don’t be idiotic, Kitty,” as if it was not all his fault; and ma said, ‘* Poor child, she is overcome, give her some cold water.” And Flo Courtney, who is as ugly and as stupid and ill-natured as I don’t know who, screamed out her laughing louder than any | one. She wanted to go into lunch w Mr. Johns, instead of Colonel Topheavy, who has a deaf car, and was three times married. It was disgusting. I will never fe to the Fortescues again. I will cut Mr. Johns. Iwill give pa, himself, aslice of my mind; and ma may wear her own bustle in future; and I will, or I would, or I wish [ could, poison ‘Toby. Oh! Morrorl My brother Jack has found my journal book and declares he will send this extract to Tire Jub If he done so, please, dear Mr. editor, don’t put it in, or if you have it printed, contradict again, and say it was all a story of Jack’s; for he is a wicked story teller, ask pa if he isn’t. Yours distractedly, KITTY vIRTU. “Ir’s all impulse,” as the cork said to the soda-water. ‘Tue Governor of New York has pardoned one William Russell, who was convicted of bigamy in Kings county in 1882 and sen- tenced to two years iwprisonment. ‘The vernor, doubtless, thought the much-mar- ried man sufficiently punished, as most mar- ried men find daily punishment in living with one. id_in a rage, for | | He captured the A PROBLEM How can th Matrimonial Loot. He went a wooing to find him a mate, Out in the world of deceit and duplicity; He wanted a dame of fashion and state, tylish, and void of all vulgar rusticity tly and sparkling, in converse to shine, Cultured, of course, and a “pink of propriety:” | Not too much heart, but witty—in fine, | arl and a pet of politest society. Well, he has won her—the belle of the day, | The queen of haut ton, with the loftiest rankable; | aid in the usual Notes—of his debtors, and promises—bankable, For ‘tis important a man understand, | If he propuses to join Cupid's votaries, Tenderest wooings must keep well in hand, With settlements fat, all drawn up before notaries, Yonder she whirls in the maze of the dance, Followed by lovers with longings piratical; Who would not worship this creature, perchance, Exquisite figure, and motion ecstatical? Golden her tresses, coiffured in the style, Though I can’t say that I like so much frizzling; i her smile— Lovely her face, and cold—as Greek chiseling. Teeth that are pearly and lips all aglow— Almost too thin to be perfectly kissable, | Though, by the dicta of fashion, you know, Doings it seldom permissable Yet, she é graceful, with exquisite bust, So decollete that it’s hardly respectable; , Still, as the tyrant of fashion says “* must,” 1 suppose it's all right and highly delectable. Well, he has won this immaculate mai Do not her draperies fit her deliciously: Cost her papa a cool thousand—when paid, So, their betrothal starts off most auspiciously. Happy? Ob, yes, that cannot be denied; Every one says they've made a good trade of it; She purchased wealth—he, beauty and pride, And, as the world goes, what more can be made of it, T should go in for a little less ico— A little more heart and not quite so much hanghtiness— | Devotion, perhaps, and, just for a spice, | I might even pardon a soupcon of naughtiness; | periencs | ditt Jo it on $2,000 a year? addy to mect our caresses half wa switching us off on the sean ver e of *At Homes’ I fatter myself you will meet good soc Ab, L also shall find there Of all things salacious in frigid pro She in her parlors will give me the proof How they harmonize still in their coolish com- plicity, While he, in his smoking den under the roof, le me with gin and bis “married felicity.” J. Cherry, in 8. Fe Wasp A Western politician, says R. P, Flower, stands the best chance as candidate for the next Presidencs His name will be the “‘open sesame” to the election, for * the ladies to a man” will go for flowers, “Yes, dot is true,” said honest Tanse, | «but de ladies don’t vote, you know.” “To be sure the ladies’ don’t vote,” re- plied the politician, ‘* but they exert an in- fluence; and woe be to that man who don’t vote to please his wife. I speak from ex- “So you meditatively. ’s you.” Tue old war-horses of a party are those that have a stuble place at the public crib. _ have von frau,” said Hans, “Ah, mine ‘goot vriend, I HE Sarahs of olden times were “ good, pious women ”—so we read—but the Sarahs of our own day are anything but what their foremothers were. What could be more age than Sarah saluting her biographer witha horsewhip? This happened abroad, to be sure, but right here in our city another arah, of the servant-girl order, snapped a pistol at the daughter of her employer, a Miss Sinnott—in fun of course—but it went off and wounded the young lady. The girl evidently thought it no sin to snap a pistol pointed at Miss Sinnott. Whether the judge efore whom she is taken will concur in her opinion remains to be seen. 5