Judge — January 16, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ballade of Pork and Beans. vaming beer forter and Schweitzer too; Fdrop a tear man Ti ~ tell the feasts they knew When turtle steamed in huge tureens, Leare not, th In mus Let stew; 1 all men pool pool, in praise of pork and beans, lic mysteries I sneer, ap T deem the pate stra I scorn th dish al entrees, rotis, or ragout; gely queer, wudy-ckul menu: T hold as true, It garnishment of greens, rel parler se of pork and beans. em so empty here, When one has had a dish or two esty a thin vencer, 1 its simplicity in v Alas! free lunches 21 ot alway Nor may for tick th 1s row mor praise of p Boston Th For have I ne Tsing in prai let others enough to dot of pork and be SYDYEY MERRERT FIERAOS. Mr. Spilkins Sees the Old Year Out, AND GETS "SLIGHTLY ELEVATED,” Mr. SPiekins received invitation to mak of alittle party of “choice spirits ” the house of a friend up town, to see the old year out. It was understood, of course, that the spirits would be more or le e, and that the transit of old Father Time cross the boundary line between the old and | new year should be viewed through the me- dium of a glass—several of them in faect— but Mr. to his wife’s admonitions to re- member his lamentable weakness upon ocea- sions of this kind, had replied that it was only to see the old’ year out; only that and nothing el: nd that he could not see it as well at_ home, she suggested, because his friend lived near the country, and the open fields about his house would afford a much better view. * Yes, there’s something in th; his wife, ** but not a single ¢ ” replied emomber, Mr. Spilkins, dear, ass. You will not forget, ; give us a kiss to c responded Mr. as he went forth brimful of good resolutions. Mrs. Spilkins, as usual on such occasions, sat up for her husband. At about 2 o'clock m., certain ominons sounds broke the silence of the **stilly night.” The shafling of feet over the front door ste ps was followe od by the noise of a dead-latch key in its futile ts to find the hole in the lock, and, a moments after, this was succeeded by ound of the door. being suddenly burst and a heavy fall a e entry floor. Spilkins did not rush violently to th of the nd pour forth a torrent ‘of indiscriminate abuse upon the head of her no, she Iked the ) p and of majestic ity that would becomingly on the brow of Mrs. muse, and, on viewing the prostrate form of Mr. S., she merely remarked, in tones with’ iddons as the tragic | Ist TRAVELING GENT TO 2p pITTO—* of calm and fr you repulsive be you miser offort w feminine nature hi overcome her, severity, » you diszust you and she (hie) pet names," murmured } sitting up and looking bewil- deredly about hi “Queer, isn’t it? Only (hic) this evening Twas Mr, Spilkins, ani love and dear, and now I'm Spilki (hic) + vulsive beast and a (hic) d ut hat old fellow Ovid's M = isn’t nothin’ to it. But it’s (hie) all ri? continued Mr. S,, with a smile sweet benignity and forgivenc “only been (hic) slig all. Rode home he, he, he! But mum’s th Jules Mumm; he. he, he! candle all me Spilkin word, old (hic). Gimme Mrs, Spilkins, with the tone and ady Macbeth. had conquered her momentary in stood reve the I nof an insulted and imcensed wife- you miserable object;” and she pointed imperiously towards his chamber door abe The ‘miserable object struggled up Jupon hia hands and knees, and crawled slowly up stairs, muttering in maudlin and incoherent tones the words of some love ditty (Mr. 8. when in this state always be- came somewh upon reaching the upper landing he pause kissed his hand towards his wife, winked his eye, and bestowed k and maudlin smile upon her. while in broken but pathetic tones he sw murmured— » of Drink to me onl: } And E will | Or leave a k t And Vl not look for w The prettiest toast in (hic) all our town, little Sally Brown, $ (hic) e're we part, e me back my (hic) heart Mrs. Spilkins, ) cup, Mrs. Spilkins, | Was charmin Maid of Ath Give, oh We're in Tuck! thing there! ‘ Coast ix clar—sure to catch some Mrs T ple 1 Thins. Tdrink to thee thee in (hic) ruby wine “And L will pled Spilkins,” eried Mr of decort you with a broomstick, ¢ wifely sens ref stie use clutched f r. Spilkins was his cups have former ex this dire ti made most reach his chamber « painful from full meaning of ile object” and’ pitiable efforts to or and lock himself in. But he was toe late. Tis irate spouse was close behind him, They entered the room } te the was banged to, and Mrs, S. immediately preceeded to—but with a becoming sense of the impropriety of expos- ing to the public the skeletons which are supposed to lic hid in the closets of dc mestic establishments, we forbear to dis the painful little scene of conjugal infelicity which followed. t1.P. Mrs. Squizzle’s Journal. Wext, the down handson Mari, and she’ We didn’t vase formul: of room child ind fi a doctor of their own to ex if she really wa clevated » come Sally h even the y came to our mselves how the poor n they brought mine her and see as badly hurt as she pre- tended. y found there was no humbug in the matter. The y the poor child screeched was enon, ift the roof from the house every tim: attempted to move her right arm. It was all discolored, too, nd crooked where the bone that was broken had been set. I called their attention to it, |and they allowed it was rather a bad job nerall I didn’t feel called upon to ex- plain that the spots were ink marks, and the arm—broken four years ago by falling off a load of h: t crooked by a country comicbooks.com