Judge — August 25, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a Washington Gossip. FROM OUR OWN LIAR Wasmixaros, D. Avovsr 16th. Youn ec rnearox nests heppg to say that the coming Presidential campaign is ‘to be one in which the gentleness and urbanity of | the one Great Party is to be equalled only by the truthfulness and candor the other Great Party. No. slan, will be permitted on either side. tirst eros eved cook editor who allows h rina muck throngh such phrases 4 * Ku-Klax chief, yhan de! son-of- litical garotter. i bribe- “+ incen- er cheerful com pliments of a similar moral calibre, will be at once disowned by every | ward poli- tician in this broad land vdemned to six months hard labo: Senator Kel- a's jury! on e erof the Republican nomir grand aunt shall be, in the hands of the Democratic worker: pure as Hons win midwinter; and if the h the Democrats did hav father hanged for arson in County Ti the world shall never hear of it throu word or blican leaders. isas it she the apinic ut a water-me zer-Republic is every ing humor- ist of the vhagogue and if one side of our political homestead has ad the honor of inviting to its broad hearth nts of righteousness and self- nd Robeson and Belknap, side point with pride to the ve reposed such denial cannot the oth ved of patriotism on which | as Dorsey marvels of morality as Tweed and Barnard | and John L, Sullivan? ‘The best way would | be to send for a new deck, give the Demo crats a deal, and if they don’t put away as much of the people’s money where it will do the most good, in the sume space of time as the Republicans, call your correspondent a wall-eyed, leprous-distilled Chinese sym- pathizer, and never more let him be officer of thine, O Jrpar The President’s trip to the Yellowstone National Park, taken in the interests of the great and of Rafus aturally, everal un- rt rsonal be- ried. with him on his journey, into the columns of numbers of contemporaries, your correspondent it hi ‘o interview the chief House, and obtained ‘full, trne your made butler of th from him the following * pusiness White the Chief Executive of these Unit Every item is sworn to befor none are genuine unless the n on the label. PRESIDENT ARTHUR'S OUTF'T. prted colors) sand worms to match). ° (with portrait of hero). ed half hose (2 pair darned). k Bob Ingersoll’s hair. ). Night-shirts (frill Ditto (plain). Habits of the Bed-bug searched By Henry Edwards, Wallack’s THE SUSE MSIES 4 Han sandwiches (with mustard), ditto 4 Cheese (withont mustard), v Tickets, Nos, 818 and stamps inclosed). bouquet. 5 ks (for mending pants). 8 Confession of Innocence. 1 Celluloid towel. 3 Brunette paper c 1 Fine-tooth comb. 17 pie insurance blanks. ket handkerchief (reversible). it flask whiskey (medicinal). (convivial). White neckties ( spender buttons, ox parlor matche | 10 Copies of Tue Jct ars. Three ver during t Louisvill in them mat urious circumstances occurred + President's journey to the city of Twith which te build up wild ral iled by I, and the nthe train particular hed to this eir- and it was not the first time such on that re 1 " art of the tra while his exquisite effulgence the echoes with a 6x4 snore, the locomotive suddenly, and without any apparent cause, gave vent to three loud, sharp, shrill whistles, and then proceeded on its way as if nothing unusual had taken p ‘The guiding star Republic, rudely awakened from a slagiber in which visions of the Langtry dancing the can-can with Secretary Folger, and ing for whales with a trout-hook in the City Hall Park fountain, were thoroughly mixed up, asked what the matter was. attendants, with the Re conduc commen: nificance at presence of mind, im- mediately said they didn't know, and thus probably, saved His Regality from a severe shock to his nervous system. ‘The third mysterions affair occurred on the arrival of the royal car in Chicago. Although it was night it was observed-that every gas lamp in the city was burning brightly, and several persons were distinctly seen loitering about the depot. Happily ‘unconscious of these alarming symptoms, His BR Nibs_ pro- ed to his hotel, and slept soundly after a light supper of pork chops and Kirshiwas undisturbed by the knowledge of the perils he had encountered and escaped. It is said by those who ought to know, th dence of an exciting | nature has la of State istry Frevling-ete, and the British Mit. . The subject of the correspondence 1 to be insults offered the British nation Tv has been their hat styles of dressing, walking, and talking, by their miserable attemp imitation to | bring ridicule on the great bulwark of British | independence, the London Swell. It is 1 be sppointod to sift this charge thorough]. and if the assertion be proved correct, severa of our most prominent Dudes will’ | headed, as a warning to all the other idiots of this great nation. Governor Foster of Ohio denies that he ever said Judge Hoadly’s wife’s stepmother be- na superstitions people may find | ig | York ported that a Congressional Committee will | was born with a set of fa’ did say was that careful how he talh fathers-in-law stealin, and selling the: | Another.camp of Truth! Ward-rustler Mike was seen saloon. to this. Secretary-of-the-Navy Chandler h two or three friends, in. strict contid that he did not want to be U.S from New Hampshire. Noone ever thought he did or would be. A fear that the 1 emigration dodge of the British authorities will delus | this country with a flood of pauperism wil cause a bill to check the influx of impecuni- osity to be introduced durin; j sion of Congre: Should me a law | foreign immigrants, before landing, will be required to dive down into their be and. flash &1,000,00 before the eyes of t examiner; to swear that they have of leprosy, small-pox, choler |leptic fits, stone-bruises, da breath cone | cheerfully show their competent searchers, he building etecth. What he ally ought to be it other peoples’ ghbors’ pet poodles manufacturers. on the counter Daff, of New Ye ast might in Broken-nose Pi ) political signifies sched ass’ nd to if any, to birth-marks, coing up in every its were issued e authoraes Claus chweinberg (the opulent clothier venue) to put three awning-posts in f his emporium; and another gives , of Seventh street, per- sion to paint her front fence sea-green, picked out with magenta. | front “ CHAWLE from Boston € group? No,” he replied, Rogers’ old gang, who b: They are estrange: was too much for her. she lisped to her new bean have you ever seen Rogers’ “buat I knew i Jobn Boston ** Billy allt cul- | chah” | | “For de Lawd's sake! who drinks out of dem dar Jumbo bottles?” comicbooks.com