Judge — May 19, 1883 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A NIGHT IN A MUSEUM. Tawa countryman. I do not mean to ed in my hair, or that in maple s gins and ends for me every sweet in life. N » Tam not that kind of a country ma ted, well in- nd have little or no hair for hayseed to find a lodgment in. And w I have is white—white as the though [am still young. It turned in single night, and it turned in this wise One day, having disposed of my turnips at a good profit, [ York. York had been the subject of 1 thoughts by day and my dreams by Do uot from this imagine that Lam a dream- am a practical, hard-headed (and now ded) farmer, and no visionary. But. as I was, I came to the city to see the sights, as many a countryman has done 1 fore me. But did man ever see such sights and go through such experiences as [ did? But to my tale |. T reached th T wandered al rly morning to 4 boldly into the vortex of city dissiy played pool for drinks, and “samy rious brands of stimulants in every v Harlem to the Battery; and when night I found mpself toown it? [am as inevitable, "I found myself in I felt as if owned it. [ turned a deaf car to the wiles of the bunco men; I was not to be h At last, at last, some works of art displayed in front of a door attracted im: tention; a brass band discoursing delicious music arrested my footsteps. The palatial doors of the mansion stood invitingly open. I paid my dime and entered Shall { pause to dilate on all the wonders, natural, unnatural and monstrous, that I held in that enchanting palace. anyone can see them for a dime, a have to tell concerns what mortal eyes save mine have never seen, and will, I trust, never see—and time pre: 1 wandered on, examining novelties of kinds till my unaceustomed strain—perl had taken, spurred in ud brilliance of the plac inaphaveh thing todo with it. [found a seat in a re- lose my eyes a moment to , roused myself vie~ ain, and. finally slept. How long [slept I do not know, but when | t keenness of rallying of all my faculties that showed T must have been start- led into wakefulness by something out of the common, ‘The place seemed d of the evening was supe cht of a few low, and out of th ure advanced towards me. “What are you doing here? and his voi shrill treble, ont of keeping with the bulk which it issued that I act “What are you doing here ? dim obseurity a gigantic fi re * he so utterly shape from ly started. Are you a ttempted to explain. ing a little fr T said Thad been eak, but the giant interrupt- * You've been having a little fi you? Well, where is it? Trot it out. like to see it. At this utterly abeurd and inconsequent request T could only stare, have asked; | resolved to come down to mother!” piped out the big man. «fellow that says he’s a lit: tle freak F waddling towards me ably the fattest human being Lever “He's no fi don't know How did you get here, anyhow?” tempted to explain that T had fallen and must have been inadvertently locked up when the museut for the night; but my tongue clove to the roof of my mouth, [could not utter a word. Sulky, ch?” shrilled the big “Ifyou don'ts beheld. an, k when you're spoke to, FIL sit on you!” wheezed the fat woman, Out of the terror which this tremendous threat conjured up, 1 found voice to explain croaked the at of an asthmatic come here, all outside like t of you; lo And inamoment I was surrounded b: an assemblage of thin men and_ fat and bearded ladies, and living ske tattoed beings and monstrositic: my and every kind that my brain whirled ag: in, 1 am convinced that it was at that moment the r of my hair began to ch wh ark! dan infinitessimal- all dwarf, in a voice that reminded one roaring of Niagara. “Are you a stons, isa freak?” I asked, in despera- tion. I'm a fre: we're all freaks. ” Oh, freaks of nature,” should say you were.” You don’t seem to have anything out of common,” remarked a boy’ with a skin like a crocodile. I owned that I had not, and for the | time in my life blushed because Iw: bellowed the dwarf ; T mused. ‘+1 first not malformed, when I heard a chorus of indig- nant contempt around me. ‘Not a freak?” said one, Not even six fingers! “Not an extra toe!” «We ea only one head.” ** Blessed if I think he’s even blind! All of which led by different roads to the | fined Spillkens $10 for being drunk, dem angels am whispering to thee.” unanswerable inquiry, What was [doing here? My explanation i solitude. of the livin: ground, where squarely on my cd my flesh with his sealy hic woman kissed me ed to trans body to mi ing like demons, just then At le gained th fastened th my head grewsome the ed door, 5 man, of the art depicted on his the whole band the while yell- My hair whitened rapidly wth T broke from my tormentors and joor—and it was when I found it tthe last remaining dark hairs of imed their silvery hue. The and was close behind me; with of despair T beat a pouting fe . The frantic eir mad career; open air, but my feel- eC ir overwrought; the reaction is much, and I sink fainting into the arms policeman. hen [ regitined consciousness I lay in the aleoholic ward of Bellevue Hospital, just re- covering, the doctor told me, from a severe of delirium tremens. Delirium tre- ooth! This is their boasted medi- cal science. The horrors of that night had erazed my brain; the freaks had wrecked my reason, and the doctor called it alcohol! But out of evil g may come! I have been offered a position as a freak—a man whose hair turned white in a single night. I shall enter the glorious fraternity; I shall, in my turn, terrify any poor wretch who finds himself in the position I was in. And if anyone twits me in the future for having the ation number of limbs, I can twit him ba k with his natural hair, for (whisper it gently!) mine is glued on—but Tam as good a freak as the most of them, all the same! Wow of the finest: When the magistrate nd S. matched him double or quits, and got off even. vt the door o| crew of freaks pause in t agger out into t ings Wuen the days are ‘‘close” we call it mean weather. comicbooks.com