Judge — February 3, 1883 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

10 PICKIN’ CINDERS ON THE DOCK. Now 1 see him in bi Driving on the carriaze, venue Nifty steppers are bis ho Tow apast me quick pw they're halted by, his mansion, Ina fashionable block :— Olt what changes, since we chams were, Vickin’ cinders on the dock. Then we used to share our findin’s, Chew eizar-ends on Uh As we squat upon oar hu Try'w t He was bat ar w dirty mag would si Is Like me, w ickin’ cinders on the Bat, somehow By his ¢ he turned oat lucky aly ann wit the way be answer'd A bid Judge, be masde a hit was adopted, m'ly flock, us kids who lock. Cinders picked upon the Now he is a fame Both re Hale ant He has tarnin’, friends a Fm a vagrant iE new h et my 0 s lawyer, Line aad to say 1 nerve to ask him coat out of hock? On the strength that one Pickin’ cinders on th we chums wer dock. GUR POPULAR FARCES. REPORTED BY 7B OUR CHURCH FAIRS. Cianvetens Ma. Ussopnisticare>—Miss Carrer, [Scene at the annual fair of the Saint Bridget | Curtain rises, disclosing Mr, Unsophisticat Urinking lemonade at the orthodox “ Retiecca’s Well” with Miss Capper, to whom he hag just been intro- dace by a mutual friend.) Mr. Uxsornisticate, Isis 1 rather weak? Mist Carrer. sure it cannot be; 1 y nt Weak? Why, 1 ake it, and Lk bat in over two lemons to three barrels of water, a am sure Julia Hig! h emptied a whole cup of sugar into the well, Weak ! Why, really, I fear you are not used to drinking lemonade, Me, U.—Ob—ah! it is all right. Yoo see that Lam stranger here. Really, wt is the tirst chureb fair that T have ever attended in your city. Mixs C.—Really? [Aside]. Now I have got bim, [Aload). Then to me is reserved the pleasure of showing you around. Mr. U.—{Gallantly}. i am sure that I could not have a more desirable guide. Miss C.—Ob, you flat meay a word you say! What dreadful creatures men are, tobe sure. Now we will go tothe— Waita minute, (Pulls oat a blank Look). You must take a chance Mr. U Miss C Me. U. Miss € helped hu You know yon ¢ Aw —A chance. —In what -—An eight day stove, to be presented to our pastor. There are fifty chances at a dollar apiece, and | whoever wins will have the delight of presenting the | stove to dear Doctor Kerfish. | Mx. U.—Whoever wing? Why, surely, you do. not Jet the happy recipient of the stove be selected by fat Miss C.—How else could we do it?) We place all of the chances—at least, the namlers of the chances— from one to fifty, in a hat, and Deacon Mudd draws | head: | fire.shovel slate-penc THE JUDGE. Whoever possesses th You can't, surely, miss a dollar. Mr. U.—Bat, beg pardon, what ‘loes your worthy spiritual director want of a stove? He lives, I bel steam-heated hotel. Miss C.—Ob, he can give it to th we got the stove so cheap, me down for tive chances way ahead of all the vee «1 the five dollar bill is in Miss C."s pocket-book). Thanks! to the wheel of fortane. [They go. The wheel of fortu crowd. The yells of the spinners are bi Try.your luck.” “Only Makéiyour bets, genth charity.” one out. drawn the stove poor, you know st half price! TI p say tive! It ther irl. (Mr. Now let uso pat your n will puto Bat I do —It's very easy >You notice that there are various articles le of tooth-picks, to the diamond ring You see the wheel? upon It? U.—Yea. C.—Well, Mr. Halse, the with the bald such a sweet prayer as he made the other night aboat th Is of gambling "—twirls it aronnd, and wher to which article the arrow points, see—the pivot in the ceater—that article becomes a arrow upe ce Mx. U.—Don’t you eall tha Miss C.—Gambling! wh mbling at a church fair and—do try your luck: there's the Superintendent of our Sunday-school nally won a silver ¢ {Mr Unsophisti tive times. Gets a bax les a bottle of ink, two pen-wipers and a Retires disgusted.) That 1 too had. Fortut nt ll. But do not Miss. C. to favor you at ppear iF, we will try What's that Only half a dollar, You take a roll abd real book, and throw It over an arti: Then one of the girls upon the other alde ckage upon the hook and you get it. Th nice things in the Smith got a neck try, I know you will (Mr. Unsophisticated fishes to the tune of two dol- ‘ars. His catches are a package of bind , a jumping-jack and a toasting-fork,} much but you don't care, f ets, Dut it is the ewéet sat ies faction that one bas expended his mones for sweet charity's cause. You know what our fair is held for ? Mr. I don't. ‘ Miss C, a Refage for Pardoned Mur- derera. We've only got one to start with, but bé isto) aweetly horrible. He killed bis wife and two ebildten with a meat-saw. There he is, over yonder, selling, hig pictures at a dollar a piece. Come, buy ope, yout ‘ought to eneourage the poor man to reform, ° (Mr. U. humbly buys picture). Now we'll go to the grate bag, t Mr. U. a Miss C. Mr. U.—! + me, Lut what is a grab-bag Miss C.—Miss Lurline has it there. You pay a rter, dive your hand down into the bag, and.what- you grab is youra, Just make a trial. [Mk U, does as requested. He does it several His net results are a tin-whistle, a cornucop) ed candies and a jamping-jack.} €.—Ain’t you lucky. ‘Those candies are really lovely. And that jumping jack—how exquisitely odd! Now let's come— Mr. U.—(firmly). Miss, C.—What ? Me. U,—What I say. Miss Carrer, you will exense bat I mast tell yon @ few plain truths, I came here with twenty dollar, I have to use a common phrase © tlowel-in,” or ambled away abont fifteen for * sweet charity's sake. All that T have received in worth at least a dollar, You'll eed, one times, Nowheres, Charlje’ return is AY of articles eminently suited for the bargain” counter of a Sixth Avenu I have tive dollars left, and 1 mean to play bank with it for my own sake. Adieu! (Miss Capper faints), fer dry-goods stor Tats.) To Be Masy to the a Female Doctor. wome n pretty badly, wad: pothin: their thirst but to wut slinzing such “Lobserve your upper throlaxilary gland rospinal capillary of the ambidexter cuti- cal of the femur is in a chronic state of inflammation. superinduced by an over-exertion of the muscular de velopment of the minor chords of the tender Achilles.” This invariably induces the hearer to believe that the young woman is a regular walking doctor's book, and nical at her th chy object of her consultati etting the dector craze Will sutfice to qneneh al phrases as in the ces has the whole a efds, and sets th Into a state of tremena, An edit says: To be a lady—a womanly woman.” Well, we shoald smile if she wouldn't hay she was a manly woman, oF still worse man, she'd be a specimen of hu to draw fro wer end of the 3 quently have to give it up. The article further says: *She must have an affinity for the work, feel at home in a sick-room, and be devoid of any morbid sensibility at the sight of pain.” Thats what we say, too, roust have an affinity. Aw particularly a male «peci good. She should have th shle thouzh, as certain requ a disinterested party from Limes when a doctor is calles selfat home. Feel easy. Nothing iseasier. Enter tlh tick ‘one on the back,and ye toe day 2, \ TARE # seat on the center of the table, kick the pet dog yr cat, aod yo through the nt for steny Qhange apd articles. By all make herself thoroughly at home, Striv Any-sensitpFenese about putter Commence to pr: lige By ogmatonally scalding the family cat, and feed the ddg.a handfa of{powylered glass and then wate! his weithe. From this precded to the hospital and the end of an arm’or fog while the surgeon saws it feof the trunk. You cam soon'get used to tly , #0 that you won't mind:guing for your with a broad ax or carving-Knife ‘efter you + ried. : To wind up the subject, you should be born to com: mand, There's no trouble about thig however. All women think they're born to command, but sometimes are mistaken. Be bold, cool and courageous, e. don’t be scarwl by a mouse running acrose the parlor floor, while you are twined in the manly embrace of a six-foo pound man. Let nothing. escaye your observation— will farther add, your eri Be a lover of scientific research, and if you're not blown higher than Gilroy's kite in mixing up the wrong. chemicals, or don't see some fellow whom you marry before you finish yeur course. yoa may be able to graduate, practice, kill folks, and in a year or two get Magusted with the business, and marry an old bald beaded chap who bas a big bank account, structure re unl nsternation bordering on delirium rial comment on female physicians successful physician a woman nust be 1 ay nity not calculat i, and would ¢« nat flinity wait for her out ments of society exelud ertain places at certain her She should mal room, whack th How are you, old he pockets jeans she shoul to overe Ara High School commencement last summer, a graduate delivered an original essay, entitled * The Dignity of Labor.” + Without labor,” he said, cannot exist. It is a treason to nature and an insult to heaven to be without labor.” The only hard work he has performed since has been pool-playing, and day last week when his mother asked him to shovel the snow off the front pavement, he said ** blamed if he was going to blister his hands at snch work when a small boy would do the job for a quarter.” * man Pouiricas etiquetie: Having a Butler for Governor is what the Maasachnsetts blue-bloods chiefly complain of. Poor thing Tur question of the day: 11 been Buncoed? comicbooks.com