Judge — December 2, 1882 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. AN AFFECTING ALLITERATION. Waar is the best auth is not that auth aur Antuce’s aspirations are all amiss, Butler bewite Conkling cultivat Evarts enthusiastically essays evolutionary etymolozy Folger forswears future fraudulent factis Grant greedily gobbles goodly gratuities. Hubbell, hardly hapy Ingersoll indecently invites ignorant infidelity sioned a Jornson jocosely jots J. J. + Bjornson Bjore s ke's knocked-kneed. of it? sly loveth lasting loaves, molitates more mischief. ts newspaper notoriety. Orth’s officiouss Js opponents. Penileton persistently parsues Presidential phantoms Quigley quibbles Quixotically. Robeson rages rampant regarding rejection. Sherman slyly suspects Senatorial sequestration. Tilden’s tremulo turns to “turkey ” themes. Usher uniformly utters unctuosities undiscerned. "A THANKSGIVING IDYLE y exerted to make the steam hi to their te ABETICALLY ARRANGED. ing bumbuzs leav 1 Thanksgiving tar by bewildering blarney topic at every hearth and is a welcom cultured contentment (2). family (that has the luck to be able to h Dorsey daily develops decidedly dolefal dumps. any one inform Tue Juba exactly what w 10 be thankful for ? ison found out what the recent meant by it yet, and if no y forms a prominent every fone), ean called Has lectric storm over the country) how much did Jay Gould make out AN exchange speaks of Vandi iron.” Is this because of his now famous ironic: park: ** The public be d—d, iron) ‘or simply because the ‘one or something ? wr Ratled; ornith the musical critics of New York kindly consult “ Natural History,” or any standard work on pirds, Their vocabulary will «! ly be taxed by th all so inexpressibly tired of that deathless and inde. fatigable nightings appearance of Nilsson, and we a Oy what possibl when we haves cars in all directions, and when down-town Broadway ngether too narrow to accommoda its legit ry traffic? This isa legitimate con- 3 never been answered yet. Tue Jcock will replace the last hat broken in a stage for any one who can furnish an answer. undram, How to Treat Beaux after 10 P.M. A LITTLE darling of at least sixteen su we should judge by th ors’ growth, pistle, writes to us for informa- sks: “How shall I treat a gentleman who ists in staying after ten o'clock f Well, Birdie ven us ra bat circumstances may effect the way you him. If he isa fellow you don't like, you m mate that your father goes to bed at nine P.M. ten invariably arises in bis eleep and makes a tc the house for burglars, and shoots e: finds on the premises. If this don’t scare him, tell him what a drow Lit is; oF zo to the piano and pla “Home, Home” or “1 am Tired Sleepy, too;” or ask him what t up in the morning, oF if bis landlady ever locks him out, or if he is afraid to yo home alone nights; or insinuate that he looks hagganl from want of rest. If this don’t start bim, faint away, or go into hysterics; this wiil bring in the rest of the family, and move hit yer a hard one; puld treat be pretty sure to Now for the other side—if you like him. Well, now the advice we like to give, k at the clock, and say: “What a pity i's ten o'clock already But that's no matter.” Arrange th ‘0 the room will stumble over thei, and give eir approach. Turn down the gas, so tbe bi nd sit down hairs so any one xd out at pa's expense; draw sofa by him, Then dark and grab both arms around bis neck. Cling to hit until all your fear of the dark is o about twelve o'clock. none," aud he'll Kiss hin oon; mo to the festival night, and when wo curtains, a shiver, aud whisper: “I'm so afraid iu f, which will t Dearie, you must ase he knows th: 1 say: “Don't forget to 1 come round for me Sunday me home from church you can he ought o, just long enough to get res 10 his benefactor, the policeman: and ye took me in.” Vanderbilt venomously ventilates vindictive vituper- ation. Windom weave Xcuse xample X. Young yeoman yank yourself Yazooward. Zola—zoril—zounds! wonderfal western webs. CONUNDRUMS. Waar kind of ballot did Dorsey cast ? Does anybody, including Mr. Blane, know exactly what Mr. Blaine wants? Does Mr. Charles A. Dana really know more about everything than anybody else in the world, or does he only pretend to? Wut does Jim Keene want to sell Foxhall for, and has this sale any connection with the recent move- ments in the cotton and petroleam markets? Caw Mr. Sheridan Shook, or any other teeto y his hand upon bis heart and conscientiously say that he altogether approves of the result in Ohio? War's the difference between tweediedam and tweedledee? Oh, stuff and nonsense, that’s old. Well, what's the difference between Conkling and Arthur? Is there anything more despicable than a newspaper which does not hesitate to parade in print (or colore) the sacred grief of a bereaved family for the sake of selling a few extra copies ? comicbooks.com