Judge — November 11, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TWO MANUSORIPTS, THE “Strange such a difference there sl Twixt tweedie-dam and tweedie- ald be in his office chair, nn face and lordly air, A looking wondrous wisi A winkleas apell Is on him His spectacles astride th High o'er his owl-like eyes. ow— brow, ems absorbed in anxious thought; shall 1 do? What sball 1 not?” Then reaches for his pen “The verse has merit, I confess, And well deserves a grand success, Bat thy at then—Lut then “The wri For never have I seen her Inside a Ttake So here it goes, Altho is unknown to fame gazin » risks on Molly Danks, *Returned with thanks "— bh L think it mean, ° This pseado maid—T now remark— Is a man of mark, A poet in disguise, Who planned his wily stratagem, For reasons which we now (ahem!) May readily sarm its him down and writes again a far inferior signs h critic real name; sit: next ‘tis zine latest child of Fame S. WHITE PAINE. OUR POPULAR FARCES, REPORTED BY “ED.” OUR RECEPTIONS. CHARACTERS: Reporter, Mra. Loxoxxees (Popalar Actress). Press Agent. Police Gazette Reporter, Time Herqla World Scene.—Deck of Cunard Steamer at early dawn. Mus. Loxoxxnes discovered in a pcturesque pose just ‘as the tug boat which carries the reporters comes alongside of the steamer. Reporters scramble up. ‘They form a circle, of which Mrs, LaxGkseEs ts the admired center. Press Agent (blandly).—MrésLongkees, these are the representatives of the New York” press, brought down. here especially U'interview you. ‘They came un- asked. Two dollars a head and all they could eat and drink were their terms. They af@ all space men, but it makes no difference. Interviews are cheaper than advertisements, Gentlemen, Mrs. Longknees. [Mes Loxcxxnes acknotledjes the introduction— Reporters low affably. Wort.o Réronten takes holid pf Mus. L.'s Jersey. World h.—Glad you, Mra. L. How Is the prince t ch did this Jersey cost? I3.it real ave it to yout Are the diamonds How do you like Ameri How m wh real, of Parisian * (ins. Losoxsees, America is beautiful. tho has listened with a perplezet tooks relieved. -0b, The people are ouled, 8 The rest of the ons I can't answer, because they are not down upon my sched World R.—What do you me Mrs, L.—Why, the Press questions which he said sweetly perfect que nt gave me a set of you would ask, and I've studied ap suit “How do I like Amer- ica?” he said would be first. The next 1s, «Did I enjoy my voyage?” Why don't you ask me that? World R. (mechanical’y).—Did you enjoy your voy- age? Mrs. L. le answers. Splendidly. waa not sea-sick abit. Last THE JUDGE. Tuesday night we gave an exhibition for th the Cork-Legged Widows’ Benevolent Aid s Liverpool. We realized fully stxpene Herald R.—Beg paring, but as I represint t ruld, ye must excuse aterpolathion. Will ye plaze reploi to the following Has Mr. Be nett called upon yo? Is the rumor that Mr. Bennett is ngaged to Quane Victoria thrue? Whin in land, war ye received by Mr. Bennett and the rist ay the nobility? Did ye take a rokde in Mr. Benn yacht? benefit of ° Hur queries Mrs. L. (sweetly).—Mr. Bennett is one of my most dearest friends, He has called upon me frequently and is a frequent guest at all of my receptions. 1 al was out with Mr. Bennett in his yacht nearly every day. Tell Mr. Bennett, when be comes back, that I consider him perfectly sweet, and that the New York Herald ts the finest journal in the world. You sec knew just what you would say. The Press Agent ha it all dow: ‘Sun R.—How d'you, ma'am. I'm reporter of the All of the news for two cents. Allow me t terrogate a few Interrogations. How mucl pect to make in America? What will you do with the hoodie? Is it really 60 that the old man has left you I mean old Long? Do you suppose Hayes was re elected President of the U opinion of Deacon Richard incinnati?: What colored hose do you wear? What are your views n garding George Washington Childs, A.M.? Mrs. L—The Sun is my favorite p gurls up in it every night. ean Iwill makesin America yet, for, to use one of your ‘delightfully poignant expressions, it depends how the sackers will pan out. Iwill place the money safely you can warble. My hi "J and [are on the best terma, but he could not come over thi time, [think Mr. Hayes was fraudul consider Deacon Richard Smith, of Cincinnati, a truly od man, misled by wicked partners. J wear pinkish blue limb-nlsterettes. ch A.M., | consider the best livin: "Times R exposed the Tweed Ring, been circulating .apou the strength of it ever since. How did the sail up the bay strike You? Do you expect to make many mashes? Ain’t you surprised at this ovation? How much are your diamonds worth? Do yoause rowze? What face powder Jo you you nervous about appear- ing before a Néw York audience?’ Do you think soci- ety will recognize yout What is your idea of Sarah Bernhardt? Mrs, L.—The fame of the Times has spread all over the globe. . Leven saw it At Patney-by-the-Sea around ameat-pig. [think your harbor is diyinely perfect, especially the forts. To your second question I reply affirmatively,” 1 am perfectly: paralyzed at the enthusi astic public greeting. My diamonds are worth—well, I got fifty thousand poands on them before I left Lov- don. I hever’ use rouge, neither face powder. No, I cannot say Iam néryous about appearing before a New York audience; if it were Chicago, I would feel different. I have no use for society. Sarah Bernhardt I consider Is a splendid actress, but she makes a great mistake in carrying her husband with ber.- It reduces the profits. Police Gazette R.—Hello, Longy? Mrs. I.--How are yout sup. Wanter go spi Police Gazette R.—B fight? Mrs. L.—Thanka, bat I can’t. 5 Police Gazette R.—Well, all samee. want of you is this. There's going to be a pedest ‘contest and if you will eater as the wn we'll make it “worth your Sun. do you ex- per. I do my 1 just how much orge Washington Police Gazette Unkn while. What do you say Mrs. L.—I must consult with my advise Police Gazette R.—All right! Biz is bir. We'll chuck in a full-page portrait of yerself in tights free. Mrs. L—1 will think over the offer. Mr. Press Agent? Press Agent.—Well? Mrs. L—What is it? Press Agent.—What? Mrs. I.—That in the bow of the boat. Press Agent.—The thing with a sun-flowert Mrs. L.—Yes. pelety_ of | | Press Agent—Why, that’s Oscar. Mrs, L.—Wilde? Press Agent.—Yes. Why, I thought be was dead. So he is, for most purposes, but we alwaya revive him for receptions and ovations. He's 1p now, for yesterday he bad to meet Ainber-eyed the Hoboke To-morrow he g the great burnt-cork monarch of song and ke him up by and by, and get the boys a column about your enthusiastic Thope to Heaven he has not f He studied it over last night, and he And now if yon feel tired you can re- boys are all left, you see, What boys t Igent.—The reporters. Where have th Abi Patsy Flynr dance. Til v to work up srreeting of bir, what to aay paght to know, tT bave b You see Talways do it will b but a few changes. receptions.” J written up of reception, The samething, you will observe, © to-morrow with That is the way we work up * every pay our (evrvats.} “TH mestic cat,” said Summerbreeze, ‘is a do- necessity, a family utinty, a child’s mate, and in the words of the poet, noblest gift to Tis love that drives my chariot whee! sings the love-lorn swain. But if you're in a first-class hurry you'd better go by r “Ts suspense is worse than death,” said the criminal when he was swung off. New York has a paper called the Truth- Seeker, In addition to its ostensible mission of looking for the truth, its editor wields a pair of sciss6fs which, with unexpected good taste, he has plunged into the columns of Tue JUDGE on various recent occasion: The JUDGE would hint to the Truth-Seeker that it can get along quite as well in its quest, and avoid the appearance of petty larceny, by crediting what it gets from these columns in fature. e following paragraph appears in the 7. S.a few lines above one of the pilfered items: One of the easiest (bings to believe in and one of the bardest things to practice is common honesty. Consistency, thou art a jewel ! old maid! Sarst Peter saved his thousands, but Salt Peter his tens of thousands. Tue fellow vio can't empty his mother’s wagh-tub 4s the selfsame chap who will offi- ciously*6f@r to back his girl’s trunk up. four flights offaghi ises that h€ does:all his own dyeing. “Right you are, oldman. You'll ways bate to do your own’ dying,.-¥ou']l find it mighty hard work to get a’® sub,” A PATENT medicine ‘ reading notice” ends, “A. P. Sanford. Sold in both dry and liquid form.” Sorry for Mr. Sanford. He might try lineal measure, and see if he got sold that way. A FELLOW who was told by a clergyman that the wages of sin hadn't been cut down one iota, remarked, ** Jota have learned that trade long ago.” comicbooks.com