Judge — November 4, 1882 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

— NOT UP TO THE STANDARD, Laor.—" Hearens! Where dit that horrid thing come from? It looks like a came? ! Summerbreeze on Personals. “Were have you been this summer?” asked the society reporter of Summerbreeze the other day. “ Been—been,” soliloquized the old gentle. man. ‘Let me see, let me think. You're a reporter for a paper, though, ain't yer? t items in about people drinking in the salt. sea air, gazing on the briny deep, bathing their brows in the cool mountain breezes, chasing the fleeting hours at Sarato- and all such infernal nonsensical rubbish. Yer don’t deny it, do yer?” ‘The reporter meekly replied that he only stated people’s whereabouts, and threw in a fow side remarks to break up the monotony of the sentences. “Well,” said the old gentleman, ‘it's a mess of rubbish, to say the least. Bob Smith can't go fishing on a rainy day but what every one hears of it. If qld fellow that never pays his bills goes off somewhere to dig clams, in goes his name, If Tom, Dick, and Harry save $6, and go camping somewhere in the woods, you give a $10 notice. The thing's getting played out; there isn’t any satisfactory notoriety in being mixed up with such an ornary crowd as that,” “Well, I'm sorry you fecl that way about it, Mr. Summerbreeze ; very sorry. Sorry I've detained you so long. Good-day,” and the reporter moved away. Me hadn't taken ten steps when Suimmerbreeze yelled: “Look here, young man, I forgot to tell you something! Fact is, I was so absent- minded considering the subject of personals in the abstract that I omitted to tell yer where we'd been this summer. Stayed two weeks at Newport, drinking in the glorious salt breezes; scooped ina camp-meeting at Martha's Vineyard; slipped up tothe Pabyan gazed on the glorious mountain scenery and breathed the fresh air of Mount Washington. Now, blast yer eyes, don't yer get the item all mixed up, as yer generally do. Don't et me confounded with that poor relation of mine who's been out in the country hocing potatocs all summer. Get the item right, and tuck in all the briny deep, azure skies, glorious sunscts and mountain scenery, and fix itup in good shape. It will please the old lady, yer know, As the reporter started away old Summ breeze yelled, “Be particular, now, about those localities, and get ‘em all in!” From the Matrimonial Dictionary Dean.—Term of entreaty, usually employed before strangers; meant to imply aifection; when used at home it is received with suspi Duck.—Term of atfection which goes in with weddingdlay, Duckry.—The comparative of duck. Tootsy, woorsy, Mootsy, and all words ending in tsy, terms of great endearment. Exact meaning never satisfactorily ascer- tained. Deary Me.—An exclamation of great im- patience, Ose FLESH.—Technical phrascology, equiv- alent sometimes to one (or both) flesh. Love, Honor, Opty. —Obsolete; no longe in use or practice. UsTIL DEATH DOTH YoU PaRT.—Old En- glish, and out of da The modern rendet ing now is, until divorce doth you part. “AN undertaker swindled,” is a heading in a local paper. ‘The corpse must have come to life Rerorter is the name of a running horse. He is so named because he always comes to. the serateh, and seldom gets left. \N Harcourt is one of the in England of a man making a fortune at the bar wherewith to take up poli- tics. Er, ‘That may be very uncommon in England, but he fortune is made at the bar, after wh manic honors naturally follow, At first inclined to Mr.” me, And at a cold bow tarry ook hands heartily, tememb'ring me as * Harry.” was nothing but a child, We played together daily Just eight years old; no colt ran wild roamed the tlelds Mer golden hair With hayseed alway Her hps prepared to smile or pout I see her at this minute. Her hair is darker now, and ¢ Propriety’s prim label; Whatever has the cruel wo Been doing with my Ma Ten years ago ‘twas not like this, But always to Last night she wore a si With lace, or somethir Ten years back Miss Untidyness Woald scarcely wear a bonnet. L can’t say I admire the cbat It makes her like a stranger; And you, now—don’t you think it str How those ten years should change her ? You do not? Well, perhaps you're right And don’t [ think her pretty ? Well, yes; her brow is far more white, Her hands are not so 800! Her eyes—how magically sweet Are tenderer and deeper; Her hair is auburn; then ‘twas wheat, Disheveled by the reaper. And yet, somehow, she pleased me best, . boy and feather. J Sabbath tale of my boyhood's fable It must have been! I should not rail, But still—she isn't Mabel n't—— What! The deuce you say, make me thus impugn her! eh? You might b sooner. Ta give you joy, | Surprised I'm scare And all our dreams ten years Ab, faithless little Mabel. Aw old fellow who lays no claim to wit, terscly said the other day that this world is a good and a beautiful one, and that it seems a pity that bars and bolts are necessary in it. “PINAFORE” is to be given in Pennsylva- nia Dutch at Allentown in that State dialect will master the ‘ruler of the Queen's navee.” “It never rains but it pours.” Some people don’t scem content to die, but seck horrible modes of death. ‘* Pinafore” was bad enough to commence with, but now to get it into Dutch seems the straw to break Jumbo's spine. WE are curious to know how many fect go to make a mile in the estimation of the ladies, for the reason that we never met a lady who didn’t wear shoes a mile too big for her. comicbooks.com