Judge — September 30, 1882 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. THE DARKEY IN ALL HIS GLORY. ; OUR POPULAR FARCES. OUR PRIMARIES. REPORTED BY “ED. Citanactens Mn. Epwarpo McGine. Mn. Trrevcr Casstpy. Mn. MeNeury MeGer. Mx. Trrrerany O'Down, Mx. Patricio O'KE Mr. Swerzer PRevzri. Swat Bor. Other characters by the usual Primary Cappers, Heelers, Shoulder-sluggers, etc. Sceve,—New Ireland Hall. Mr. MeGuire,—Gintlemen, this primary is called for the purpose av electing diligates to the Democratic Convention. It is— Mr. McGee.—Hould, Edwardo, a second. Mr. MeGuire.—Whoi Mr. MeGee.—There is a spy forninst the room, a darty Republican, 1 move for a raycess till I kill the interloper. (Violent commotion at the back of the hall. Sounds of oaths ant other indications of a free fight. Mn. O'Down presses forward, wipiny Vood from his face. Mr. O'Dowd.—Ye may rist alsy, Mr. MeGee. and Mr. C windey. Mr. McGuire.—Thin we will begin again. Av coorse we must elect dilygates to— + (More confusion at the back of the hall.) What the divil is the racket now? Mr. O Keefe.—Cassidy diskivered a Toume’s reporther, and bbroke the door wid him. Go ahead. Mr. MeGuire.—Jintlemen, 1 hope ye will select good diligates who will be a credit to us, Nominations are now in ordber. Mr. O'Reefe.—1 name Mr. MoGee. Mr. Pretzel—1 vos object Mr. O'Keefe.—Why? Mr. Pretzel.—MeGee vos groceries. Mr. O'Keefe.—What has that got to do wid politics, Mesilf v have hurled the sucker out av the owe me fifteen cents for | Mr. Pretzel.—Who was a shumpt Mr. O Keefe.—Ye Mr. Pretzel.— eh? Your vife vos owe me some Mr. O Keefe npon yer st wid a mackerel. make ye. Mr. Preteel.—Dry iv. Mr. MeGwire.—Ordber. take this for a wake? Mr. O'Kerfe.—No darty Dutehman can blaggard me. Mr, Pretzel.—Und no Irisher vos gif me lip, you don’t remember id! Mr. MeGuire.—If ye don't kay and lick the couple av ye. (The two subside.) Mr. Cassidy.—1 nominate Jotin § Mr. Me Who's he? Mr. Cassidy.—A farriner from Jarsey Mr. MeGee.—Can't we get min ourselves, witout going to Jarsey. Mr. Cassidy.—Shure ye have no diplomatic bhrain, McGee. He opens the liquor-sthore upon the corner this noight. It is open house he will kape. Mr. MeGee.—1 sicond the nomination av Mr. Smith. Mr. O'Keefe.—I nominate Dinny Murphy Mr. Me n't Dinny np on the Island for lift- ing a ham: Mr. OKeefe.—Yis, but be will be out in tuime to at- tind the convention. Mr. McGuire re, Dinny ta a good bye. the next man named! We want three. Mr. @'Dowd.—1 nominate mesilf. Mr. MeGuire.—Yeecan't Mr. O'Dovwed.—Why not Mr. MeQuire.—Ye are not parlimenthary. Mr. (Dowd.—Repate that, McGuire. Mr. MeGuire.—Ye are not parlimenthary Mr. 7 Dowd.—Be Heavens, MeGuire, ye will pay for that. No man, even if he has gray hair, can call me such an insinuation. (MR. O'Down proceeds to climb up on the platform with the evident intention of end- ing Mr. McGetre’s career. He is pulled back by Mr. O'Keere.) Your vos as pal as McKew. too. She is able to. Pat the bill down «1 I will come around and wolpe it out Set down, r-sander, or I'll rm— gintlemen: ordber! Do ye quiet I come down pith, Who's Yoost parlimenthary manes in the contbrary to the rules av procedhure for guidance av a meeting. Mr. @Dowd.—Faix, 1 thought it war an insult. 1 renominate mesilf. Mr. Metini (Nobody offers. ‘ome wan ilse will have to. Mx. O'Down glares around. of smothered laughter.) Mr. O' Dowgl—Bertad, 1 will not sully mesilf by stay- | ing here longer. 1 will farm a parthyavme own, e- xorra, I will be a dilegate or dol! Laugh now, av ye | plaze; 1 will have me rayvings ! (Eeit Mr. O'Down. Sounus Mr. Cassidy. re. MeGuire. Let the rennygate go, 1 nominate Mr. Ab, ye make me blush, Cassidy, | lave been to the convintion four years in succession. Mr. Cassily.—Make it foive. There's luck in odd nambers, Mr. MeGuire.—Ye dome proud. (Noise of breaking glass.) What's that t Voice from rear of hall. bia arms fall av bricks. Mr Mc him O'Dowd is ontsoide wid He's just ung wan, uire—Go down, Cassidy, and rayson wid Don’t hurt bim too much. (Exit Cassipy. Mr, McGuire.—Did ye argue wid bin? Cassidy. —Yes. Mr. Mctiuire.—What did he say Mr. Cassidy. —Nothing. Mr. MeGuir ot a worrud * | Mr. Cassidy.—No, The frat welt L hit him he fell | wid his face in the gutther, and he ain't got up yet. | Mr. Meuire.—Ye did well. Has any gintleman here any objection to Mistera Sinith, Murphy and me. | aitt, Mr. Pretzel. —Ain't La delegate? Mr. Met Mr. Pretzel.—Dot Mr. Melinire.—W! Mr. Pretzel.— from the barty. Mr. Met h— Appears in a few minutes.) garries the Sherman element avay If ye'd carry yesilf away no wan will | sorrow, (Bnter Seats. Bow in breathless excitement.) Small Boy..—Choese itt | Mr. MeGuire.—Wby Small Boy.—O'Dowd's at de foot of de stairs wid Mike Claney’s old gun, and he swears he will blow de heal off of de first man who comes down. Mr. McGrire.—Luk out av the windy, assidy. (Me. Cassipy does | } owe. \ ou Mr. Mi Mr. Cassidy.—O'Dowil is at the bea ‘aesidly.—Howly smo MeGuire.—What is it? Cassidy.—Cock yer. revolver MeGuire.—Why ? ay the Mack- They mane to wreck the hall. [Us he finishes speaking O'Down bursts in at the heat of «crowd. Mr. @Dowd.—1 tould ye 1 wud g go for them, hyes! erelville gang. Whoop! [The finest sort of a free fight ensues. out and all (8 confusion pears with a squad of Police and the hall is cleared, Me. Pretzet, who has been hiding beneath the plat. Form, being the only one arrested. {evrrats.] ghts are pnt Finally Sata. Boy ap- Late in the day, but better late than never, it has just been discovered that the reason why the Siamese twins got married was be- cause they could not remain single. A FELLOW who stuck a knife into a West» ern editor, said he meant no harm. He merely wanted to give the editor a little iron to tone up his circulation, For some reason or other, Dana is not de- feating so many candidates this fall as usual. Is it possible that the people have found him ye chump? Mr, McGuire.—1 meant nothing, O'Dowd. Not out? comicbooks.com