Judge — September 23, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Little Johnnie thought it would be such fun to upset the ol lady. 1 hadn't calculated in the way she was going to fall Summerbreeze as a Joker. “Mil right,” said his vietin, ‘The barber soaped and rubbed the old gentleman's head until every pore was open like a barnaloor, and then seizing the bottle of absinthe, which he supposed was his bay-rum, squirted about three teaspoonfuls on to his victin’s cranium, ‘The old man winced per- “Tan't that bh OLD SUMMERBREEZE is a practical joker of th worst kind, who never lets an opportunity slip to make some one happy. The other afterne when the sultry, hot atmosphere made every one sleepy, he dropped into a barbershop to get shaved. The tonsorial | artist was stretched at full length in his chair, dozing peacefully, with the calico spread thrown over him to keep off the hungry flies. Summerbreeze gazed on the slumbering man ceptibly, and inquired rather strong ?" That's the best bay-ram in the country, said the barber; ‘I don't buy any of the three- quarters water kind; I wouldn't be guilty of of tonies and oil, and seeing that his sleep was | swindlin’ my customers in sueh a way,” sound, quietly purloined the tonic and bay- | he rubbed and rubbed with a vigor that mi rum bottles, and slipped out of the shop. the old man grit his teeth and Next door to the barber-shop was a saloon, and into this he stepped with the bottles in | his pocket. The bar-tender was in the back ne of pool, old Summerbreeze a glass of beer, the aforesaid old villain had exehanged the barber's ton and bay rum bottles for the bar-tender’s bott! of absinthe and bitters. The liquids bottles exchanged looking almost identical, |g the bar-tender did not notice the differen and Summerbree Returning to the barbershop, he substitute the absinthe and bitters in place of the bay- rum and tonic, and then sat down to await ayerum dle hang to the arms of the chair as ifhe was having ** teeth pulled ont all at once bya patent stump: yanker, The barber redoubled and the old mau, with his rubbi es protruding an as if operation ettorts, end of the saloon, watching a g and before he got behind the bar to ser inch or more fr | he was having a terrible sv performed. nd Phat will do, that’s he at last vaned; “1 guess you needa’t rub it in any I don’t think 1:0 eateh cold.” All ight, sir; I'l give you a littl to make the hair lie down smooth, Til be through with Ivs a first-class article— make it myself—very little oil in it, and just the thing for your hair.” ugh!" tonie nd then you. developments. Pretty soon a portly old gentleman, with, “All right,” said the old man, “ go a jowl like a fatted hog. and long, white locks | ahead. * on a head that would rival a pumpkin, came in, awoke the barber, and asked to be shaved. ‘The tonsorial artist shook himself together, laid the old gentleman in the ir, tucked him up with towels and wrapper, and then proceeded to strop his razor, at the same time firing off his stereotyped remark, close day, isn’t it?” Again the barber reached forth his arm. asping the bottle of bitters, let fly « couple of those gray, innocent locks, and in a second was rubbing it home, The effect was cleetrical. The old threw up his hands to his head as if he had been settled on by a swarm of bees, He tore the towel from his neck and stamped on it. He run his hands through bis hairand smelle of his fingers. He uttered a Comanche war- whoop, and seizing the barber by the throat, yelle “You drunken fiend! and pontils « “A mug He then proceeded to scrape his perspiring victim, at the same time breathing his stale beer breath in his face while talking about | the weather. The victim thoroughly scraped, | the barber, with a longing five-cent-extra look | in his face at the supposed bottle of bay-rum, | inquired, “ Bay-rum, sir?” “Yes,” was the laconic answer. “Head little dirty, sir,” said the bar- ber, ‘considerable dust in it; get's in these dusty days ‘fore yer know it. Better hav Ivs vitriol, fuselacid, lye-water, or some other infernal decoction, you infernal villain, nd T'll have you sent to jail for a thousand years, yon” and the old man dug out as if he had been shot out of a catapult. “Music hath charms te soothe the savage breast,” and so has a good cocktail, and the old gentleman found himself in the next-door saloon before he knew he was outdoors, “Hey there, bar-tender!” he yelled to the man of drinks, who was still watebing the pool-players. I've been scalped, murdered, | rubbed with vitriol, and kicked by a mule, run’ through a wringing-machine, and had red-hot flatirons rubbed over my head. Give me acocktail, quicker than lightning. Make ‘steen™ | man | p what in the name of | the angels have you been puttin’ on my head? it strong. Hoop-la. ther love of Heaven start ye hurry stumps behind the up, for the ‘The bar-tender rushec bar, mo- mentarily expecting the man with the jim jams—as he supposed—would smash every in the saloon, and slung together a cock- tail in just titecn sec He was and wild, and in his confusion entirely omitted | the chief ingredient—whisky, and made the cocktail principally of hair-tonie, bay-rum sugar and ice. He flopped itinto a glass and slid out another of w ry, and then braced himself with both hands against the bar, The old gentleman grabbed the cocktail slung it down as a man empties a bucket He smashed the «la stre f the a from a six-story window, gla nthe tleor, squi hair cktail in the bar-tender’s face, let the rest drive all over the bar and bottles, drop left his mouth, it was f ng of hair-raising oaths and ats that would have raised onic and as the last lowed by a str u Dlood-eurdli the dead. The bar v seized the bung-starter ru | the old gentleman commenced to hurl the | bottles of tonic and bitters that stood on the the same time yelling and sweai bar, a A crowd rushed in, a policeman from behind and hit him fourte the head in thre roll with him on the tloo The following morning, before the magistrate, the old gentleman was up for thirty days, “until yon get the rum out of you, and get o said the ng. rabbed him n time nis, and then began to police sent the tremens, A New Musical Instrument. SceNe ata Land Le meeting in Chic | Ma. Fiyserty—Misther Chairman, 1 move that a committay be appointed te thrans: pareney for the procission to-morrow, Ma. Macinyis—Misther Chairman, 1 rise fur infarmation, We've been assissed for a brass band, for torehes and badges, and now the gintleman wants to saddle a thr ney on Vd like to know, before the motion for a thransparency is put, if there's any mimber of this organization that ns an play on it A SUNDAY-SCHOOL. Adam first named. course, paper asks what animal The spring chicken, of ‘THe man who was bored to death had a batton-hole stitch in the side. Says an exchange: “The foolish Turk loves precious stones.” Why shouldn't aTurk fool- ish love a turquoi: comicbooks.com