Judge — August 5, 1882 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE PUBLISHING CO., 34 and 36 North Moore Street, N. Y. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. (Ustren Sraes AND CaxaDa) ‘One Copy, one year, oF One Copy, #1x months One Cops, foF 13 weeks aa ross purmbers,.. 28 numbers cYRER “eo Address ‘Tue Icpoe PowLtsMNG Co,, 34 and 98 North Moon NoTICE: pot their valaatio price we will he reganied as tnclosed for return postage, with natne and add to regain their sleclined articles, a they her upon the artic x), oF The Hillsdales. Jest a few words to Englishmen : We admire you; you are somehow related to us, we believe. We revere you beca you are plucky. You are fighters and long stayers, so are we. We've been there with you two or three times, and you probably know it. In nearly all respects you are good ones. We like your idea — your national “whoop,” ‘may the best man win!” but, say, aren't you getting rather careless about that national “whoop 2” We want to see you through all straight, because you are “sorter” blood relations of ours, but are you not going badly back on yourselves and your nationa! ‘ whoop” about ir play in your treatment of the amateur crew of oarsmen who went over to have one or more contests with you? Our men were gentlemen and amatears, ac- cording to the generally accepted definition of the term, and yet you refused to give them a show. You even set ministers upon them to traduce and bemean them. Cowardice does not seem to belong to the nation whose flag has braved the battles and the storms of a thousand years—but how is it that you feared to meet the Hil les? Were you afraid that a loss of prestige would follow that meeting? Shame on you, Englishmen, shame on your long boasted “fair play.” There is no such thing. ‘Fair play" and “may the best man win” is a thing of the past, when Englishmen were braver and truer than they now are, And if you are not sufficiently ashamed of the treat- ment you have given our amateurs, send a crew of your own over here and sce how we will astonish them by practical ‘fair play,” and by treating them like gentlemen. The American Navy. Mvcu has been said and written about the beautiful performances of our solitary gun- boat before Alexandria during the late little rain of shot and things, and, naturally enough, Americans are very proud of the brilliant do- ings of Commodore Nicholson and his ship's crew, But the real Instory of those achievements before Alexandria has not been written as yet, and maybe it won'tmake Americans very proud when it is written—as it will be now, ‘The American “ squadron” was there; not tke slightest doubt about that, The squad- ron ted of one of Robeson’s old tub ‘The officers and crew became excited during the bombardment, and borrowing a sack of coal from one of the English iron-clads, they proceeded to get up steam. To be sure, the boilers leaked, and refused to retain steam, but American ingenuity was equal to the emergency. The officers were not to be daunted, and calling the calkers, the leaks in the boilers were plugged with rags, and steain began to accumulate. Finally there was enough raised to move the propeller, very slowly, of course, but the ambitious commodore was far from being sat- isfled. He shouted to the chief engineer to work up more speed.‘ I cannot doit, Com., for it takes nine-tenths of our vapor to work the pumps to keep us afloat,” replied the en- gineer. consi “ But America must make her mark!” the hold commodore howled through the speaking- tube. “This is Robeson’s mark, but I will do the best I can,” replied the brave engineer, plac- ing anothor ounce on the lever of the safety- a Well, the boys did very well so far as. they were concerned, but it took them a long while to reach Alexandria, and they had to borrow another hundred pounds of coal before they could get away from there; but yet it was a famous victory” for the American navy and its brave half-dozen marines. Parade of the Awkward Squad. Tuis is the season of encampments, of va- cations and campings out, and how far has our artist gone , in his principal car- toon in this issue, in his representation of the parade of the Awkward Squad—cranks and prominent ones being always understood ? Why should not the cranks have a vacation —why should they not have an encampment, ifthey want to? This isa free country—so free that a crank can live here until he kills somebody—and why should they not congre- grate, convene, encamp, und have a dress parade if they want to? Well may we term them the Awkward Squad, however, for hardly two of them have the same tactics, or train alike, either social- ly, morally, or politically. Uncle Sam has tactics of his own, and he would like to have his entire company train as he directs, but how can the thing be done? A glance at the cartoon will pretty nearly explain the reason why it cannot, and yet we live in hopes that the Millennium will soon dawn upon us. It is said that politics makes strange bed- fellows, bat does not social and moral inter- course do the same thing? Let the cartoon speak ! It is the season of encampments, it is the season of vacations. The cranks are all out for a breathing spell, and if Drill Sergeant Uncle Sam should try to get them into shape, hoping to assimilate them, or at least make respectable citizens of them, what is the won- der of it? Turn to the picture and study it. Per- chance you may laugh, but whether you do or not, don’t you see the philosophy of it? Of course yon do. It is simply a dress parade of cranks and sore heads. Blue Fishing. Ever been there? Well, most likely, and of course you know how it is. ‘Ther good thing about going blue-fishing—you don't have to go and dig bait first. Blue- fish bite at a bare hook in preference to the most tempting bait inthe world. It se be the disposition of blue-fish to jump at and gobble up anything they see moving in th ater; consequently a bit of red flannel or an old pewter spoon attached to your hook is just as good as an Al mackerel for them, so far as seductive purposes are concerned. There is lots of fun going blue-fishing. Tu the first place there is fun in getting ready; fun in fitting out the boat, especially the com- missary department; and oh, what fun it is to pull in your first fish. And if the fish happen to be off on a picnic somewhere, and are not around to amuse you with their biting, what fun it is to make your line fast and go into the cabin of your boat, and pull corks in the absence of pulling fish. And if they don’t bite at all, what an opportu- nity it gives you for lying. What tough old stories you can put in of former experiences, whether you ever had them or not; of the ten and fifteen pounders you caught the last time you were out. Really, one-half the pleasure of going fish- ing is in telling what big things you have done on other occasions; and if the sport is exceedingly dull, you can work ina few shark stories which will liven up: the party, and if you have pulled corks enough, you will prob- ably be able to work yoursélf up to a: hero in your own mind, and come away believing that you are an ‘old sport,” whether you catch a fish or not. But great is the pleasure of blue- fishing, nevertheless. Eh? e is one ms to THE best name for a female street Arab: Arabella. A MISTERIOUS title: Mr. However it may be with the crop of "taters, the crop of agitators never seems to fail. Mr. SMeLLFuNGUs calls “Once a week.” his clean shirt A CLERICAL error: Talmage. MOVABLE feast: A picnic. How to tie the tom-fool knot: Marry. Puysical impossibility: A square man, comicbooks.com