Judge — July 22, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDG A Jersey mosquito tries a toy balloon, misled by ita phonpness and sanguinary complezion Her Remarkable Brother. BY GEORGE 3, MANSON, “T wisn you knew my brother,” said Miss McFlip to me, as we seated ourselves in a prominent restaurant where the food was to be “way up" and the prices were way upper. “Yes, I do wish you knew my brother,” she repeated, as I passed her the bill of fare, which she grasped ina ravenous kind of way “Why?” I replied with foreed calmness, as the waiter laid before us a win printed on a separate card. “Oh, he is so gencrous, so good—— I'll take a dozen raw.” “Tt must be very nice to have a brother.” I knew this stupid remark, but I really didn’t: know what to say. I didn’t | nt to know her brother. I was perfectly content—that is, up to this time I had been content in knowing his sister. She made no response to my suggestion to ‘al effect of the joy that abides the brother abounds, The oy were disappearing rapidly; she bad ordered fish. “How strange it is,” she said, as she quickly concealed the last oyster and picked | up the wine-card, ‘how strange it is tha they print the wine list on a separate card. My gracious, how surprising, there’s the wine that my brother always drinks.” “T suppose you have often drank it with him 7”. “Oh, no; I've often wanted to.” Of course the bottle was ordered. It was really a very fine wine. I forget the brand, but remember the pri it was $8. | “You don’t seem to eat much,” she re- | marked. “Oh, but you ought to see my brother. He taught me how to order meats | ata restaurant. Now, see, I'm going to take some of this entree, and then I'll have | some broiled chicken and roast beef, and the gene where ers, just then——" “Good appetite seems to run in the fam- ily,” I ventured to suggest, as I felt in my vest pocket to see that my little roll of bills was there, at the same time making a men. tal calculation as to what would be the cost of the entertainment. | once told me it | due time. The result, “Yes, indeed, major. often wonder what I would do without my appetite.” I began to wonder what I would do with it. For Thad been keeping company with Miss McFlip for quite awhile, and the comp of Cupid seemed to indicate that we w to land on the uncertain shores of matri- mony. One thing was certain, I woulda’t marry her until the price of provisions fell. “ And he's so strong,” she observed, cut- ting out a neatly shaped piece of meat from | the rare part. “Who he—I mean, who do you mean?” “My brother. You are not strong, major, | are you?” had ro I confessed that my sedentary pursuits sadly interfered with the cultivation of a ! bust physical frame. “There, that is what we—I mean you— should have, that French dish under the en- | " Fy trees ; Lcan't pronounce the name, but, oh! it is too delicious for anything. My brother ‘as the best thing in the world for brain-workers, Let us have soine of that, major.” It was a sort of last century dish—that is, it was marked ‘ 95” on the bill. That was one thing I liked about that restaurant, they were so conscientious about charging. Now, you see, they might have charged an even dollar, but they were too | honest to do that, and simply put the price at a fair amount—95 cents, or two for $1.90. Thad two. In fact, had been having too much of this thing right along. The dish had its effect on my brain, or rather the price did ; my brain fairly reeled when I saw the figures. For I knew there were other dishes to fol- low. The Spanish salad, for instance, came in Miss McFlip wanted to see if it was as good as the kind her brother had had in Seville. And then came omelettes and desserts, and rich cheeses and coffee. Of course there was maraschino to wind up, and that was all. No, not all. ‘The most important, and long-to-be-remem- bered thing of all, was the bill. It was $22.95. Having just $23, this left me five cents to get home with, after walking with Miss McFlip to her residence, which for- tunately was not far off. Space forbids me to tell of the buggy rides we took on the strength of the fact that her remarkable brother recommended them. My pen quivers with emotion at the thought of a day we spent at Coney Island, and the many ways I tried to please her on account of her relative. ‘The matter of presents, too, soon became a serious item, all on account of Miss McFlip's | brother. In fact, I began to think that I was going to marry the brother, and not the sweet, petite, delicious bit of girlhood I used to de- light to take out. My heart would swell with pride; mean- while my pocket-book was shrinking to very slender proportions. I finally managed to sce her brother. He greeted me with a sort of you'll-be-one- ofthe-family warmth, and pressed me to take r. “A fine brand, major; they come high, but st have ‘em; I pay $25 a thousand for I saved the stump, just for fun, and showed it to Pilcher, who is in the cigar trade. “Pilch, my boy,” I inquired, “how much do those cost, and what brand?” He siniled as he replied: “This is a genuine Conneticata Kabaja Leafa. “And the cost a——” “Ts $5 per thousand.” If T did not marry Miss McFlip it was on account of her remarkable brother. Two women indulged ina prize fight in Eng- land, the other day, stripped to their wai: the only stipulations being that neither should scratch or pull hair, But how either of them could resist the temptation is a mystery. Tue champion idiot is dead, He killed himself because his neighbor's wife would not clope with hin. He did a sensible thing at last, however. “Brarst my bloomink heyes, but ‘ere come them bloody Hamerican hamateurs, the ’Ills- dales, to worry me just while I 'ave this He- and Hirish business hon my ‘ands,” Yes, we bloomink Yankees are forever doing something or other to worry the old gent, but the Hillsdale ama- teur four-oared crew appear to have riled him awfully. But the best thing you can do, Johnny, is to beat them and send them back home. Many strikers have gone West. It would have been better had more of them gone out there when they first landed. There are too many of them here, and not enough out on the farming lands, where they might in time come to be land-owners and monopolists themselves. comicbooks.com