Judge — June 24, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Twrontdu't wear one of them fur no money ; it aain't may iden of atyle Big Words. AND HOW NOT TO MAKE E OF THEM. IN promulgating your esoteteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial sentimental- ities and amicable philosophical or physcho- logical observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosii Let your conversational communications | possess a clarified conciseness, a compact cor prehensibleness, coalescent consistency and a contatenated cogency. Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejane babblement and asinine affectations. Let your extemporancous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligi- bility and veracious vivacity, without rhodo- montade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all pollysyllabic profundi- y, pompous prolixity, psittacous vacuity, ventriloquil verbosity and vaniloquent vapid- ity Shun double ententes, prurient jocosity and pestiferous profanity, obscurant or ap- parent. In other words, talk plainly, briefly, nat- urally, sensibly, truthfully, purely. Keep from slang; don't put on airs; say what you mean; mean what you say, And don't use big words!—New England Journal of Educa- tion. Tue knell of Cornell's political prospects will shortly be tooted. As between Jumbo and Oscar Wilde, dis- criminating Westerners generally concede the former to be the “biggest thing” of the t Tue JUDGE concurs. Wom, man. N’S favorite prestidigitateur: Her- Tur Mediterranean never ebbs nor flows, and yet we have never heard it spoken of as an untidy sea. Centatx Republican statesmen in this city, having been recently called to order by Presi- dent Arthur, are now doing their level best to | persuade that ‘lizard on the hill,” as Mr. | | Conkling speaks of Governor Cornell, to with- draw from the contest for a renomination, but the ‘lizard " knows no such word as withdraw, He intends, to contest the supremacy of the Republican party of this State with the Pre: dent of the United States. ‘Tae daily newspapers which moralize over the tendency of stories of fiction to demoralize the youth of our country informed their read- ers, on Sunday last, that James (alias Fatty) Doyle, the “King of the Pickpockets, just died in this city, and interesting remin cences of his brilliant career were given. ! Who shall now say that the daily newspape | Are not the proper instructors of our boys and | girls? | THat ex-Senator | Me-Too Platt wrote of Roscoe Conkling and Michael Cregan, loomed up considerably dur- ing the President's recent sojourn in this city. As Mr. Conkling is fully six feet in height, and Mr. Cregan about four, the appearance of this grand combination can be better im- agined than described. grand combination,” | | Rep Indian youngsters are now fa | called “terra cotta kids.” ably | Suavow and sunshine: A picnic of “ coons on a bright summer's day. Lavresalwaye late a the eartiest Finstylo. chureh are invariably Harp t6 cook: “A tailor's goose. RAILWAY DEFINITIONS. Up TRAIN: A train whose engine explodes. Down train: A train pitched over an embank- ment. Gamera has an eye on the French Presi- dency.—Foreign Exchange. Which eve— his real or his glass one? OVER the opal suds Hath Beila stood all day, Giving the washboard thuds In a familiar way; Chanting the latest songs, In bandolined head-gear, As she the week's wash throngs Over a clothes’ line near. APPEARANCES are deceitful: More gentle- men are mistaken for waiters than waiters for gentlemen. PoPULAR soup among cannibals: ‘A broth of a boy.” A LEGAL conveyance: The *‘ Black Maria. DirFicutt operation: Putting a blister on a hedgehog. Borevar's friend: The faithful Jimmy. | member, —Are you ac quainted with the Evening Post's lea ticles? SECOND Nawsparer Reaper—Well, 1 may y T have a nodding acquaintance with some of them, A SUMMER CONTRAST. Tur, tree-toad chirps on a hickory limb, The katydid says it all ni The bull-frog ** chunks” on th And ‘skeeters come in for a bite, Jow Tag's rim Foolish ones off to the country have ‘The sensible ones stay in town, Where beer remains cheap, and ¢ From ice-chested barrels of brown. %. ACCOMMODATING TO THE LAST. OLD Lapy (to druggist).—Are you quite certain this is carbonate of soda—not arsenic? Davecist.—Quite, ma'am; try it and judge | for yourself, “Sere ne may For your tailor, he to know thy future, Jat be happy while yon ay dun yon before another day THE SPICE OF EPICUREAN LIFR. Restaurant DixeR,—What have you got for dinner Watter.—aA nice chop and steak, sir. Dixer,.—Well, bring me a chop and a steak Yesters T had a steak and a chop, you re- Anything for a change. MATHEMATICAL “Ove and one make two,” he said— In his eyes a glean of fan; “Bat there's a rite, my pretty maid, Doth often make two one. © That's too two,” sald the m Bat soon they'll married be, And ere another year haa ran, to carry ™ will make three. How to amend Sherry: Take a Sherry co! ler. Wues a man is ‘out of spirits,” he might take a little wine, perhaps, How he raileth, prophet Vennor, Shiv'ring by the kitchen fire, At this late cold spell of weather, In an “awful” fit of ire, How he mourns his winter uls Now in pawn on Chatham st Views with scorn his linen duster— Garment but for “hot wave et meet, Iris stated that one of the waiters in a Leadville hotel used to be a member of the New Jersey Legislature. This goes to show how, with due diligence, perseverance, and patience, even the lowest in the social seale may rise to distinction and usefulness. Le other members of the New Jersey Legislature profit by the example of their Leadville asso- ciate, and go and do likewise. Some of us are led by our vices, but a great many more follow them without being led at all. comicbooks.com