Judge — June 17, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tack \28 Tur Rev. Me. Bacrenie Brase.—Child dying, eh Fidgety pee iho don't like noise ong THE CHURCH-BELL NUISANCE. Can't stand the noise? Then why don't you more ht t0 go to sea—or lite on a mountain. OUR POPULAR FARCES. OUR “CLUBS. REPORTED CHARACTERS: Mr. Van Roperty, NES. oom of the Saint Mr. Neopuytr. PA TWO SC. SCENE First.—Reading- Hotel socially smoking. Snoodtes Characters discovered to a club? aw. . Vi R—Why, Um arprised. ‘The ide: extende You know I'm n cireumstanc Gosh darn if uncle hadn't left me the money he did Td been ‘taters yet, and——(stops and Ws that he has given himself de- hoein colors. cidedly away inthe eyes of Vax Rove: cows to take @ few more lessons of the Affable facets upon the roughest diamond for fifty cents per lesson; English drawl extra.) Mr. V.R.—Oh, that’s all right. But you must join ab. Correct ou know. You ain't considered anybody in society until you join a cut, All of the ‘bocker blue blood. affair in the city, By the way, Neophyte, | | Mr, N.—But what—ab—good will it do me? Mr. V, R.—What good! My dear boy, I'll tell you. Look at the cuisine, Mr, N.—Where is it? Is that it on a wagon? Looks to me, I swear, like a boiler. Ur. Ve R. (pityingly).—You have not gone far in French, I guess, By cuisine 1 mean our cating arrangements, our bill of fare, our menu, You live in furnished rooms? Mr 3. Mr. Get your meals outside ? Mr. —Yes—I mean yaas. Met Join our club, you can get your s there. Finest in the market, cooked to | perfection—we pay our cook, Signor Oistah- | patti, five thousand a year—at half of the pi | anywhere else, ‘Then we have poker-parlors, poker? Tmean naw—but I can play m Mr, Vi RY [il introduce you to our set, myself ofthat by and by. We have billiard-rooms, a nice pi vate bar, bowling alley, and think of the win- | dows! Mr. N, (hopelessty).—What windows ? R.—The windows that front Fifth avenue. You can sit there a upon a satin chair, ogle the ladies as they pass by, and catch lots of mashes. Smoke your cigar, and put your feet upon the sill, if you want to, Tell you what, life is a blank unless you belong to a club. -. N.—How much doe Mr. V. RA anere trith dollars initiation fee, and fiv dues, t your ease it cost ? Two thousand hundred a year ! it you have the spunk. Mr. N. (staggered).—But ain't that high? Mr, V. Ri High? ivsdirt cheap. (Opend- edly.) Wyou do not want to belong, how- ever, I'll propose somebody else. Mr N. (hastily). —No, don't. I'll bee an by Jove—if it takes all Good boy, And, besides the advantages I have enumerated, think of the society you will be able to mix in with; think of the | newspaper notoriety you can gain by having your name mixed up with scandals and duels, You'll soon get to be one of the city celebrities gne. p SEI i Se IND. tivo weeks later. Rooms of Mr. Neopnyte. Mr. NEOPuyTE dis- covered seated at table amidst a pile papers. Mr, Neoruyte’s and haggard. He is looking at the er- penses he has incurred since Ropert Mr. N. (reads from paper).—The follo’ is what I owe : face is weary joining Vas 's club. Four breaktasts at elu ( Ten lunches at club Twelve sappers at cin Wines and tiqav Biltards Bowling al Initiation fee 2 Yearly dues Walters’ fees Telegraph toys Owe to Van Ropena (poser Out wi | Sundries Total “ Mr. . and all uncle lett me was Vi—Vil——(pulls out « pistol from his drawer, places it at his tem: Sends ache ple and—puts it down again. for the Vill and goes back to hoeing “taters, | not the first victim of * Our Clubs.) | (curtaly.] SPeakING of church bells, and the muis; nce their clangor is, is there a grea nui: New York than the alleged chimes of Charch? Some fellow, with about music inh ul as there is in a cow-l or the cow that wears the bell, manages every Sunday to pound cnonzh discord out of those highly pious Vells to drive a saint to Ing sollism, Possibly there may those bells, but so long as these calithnmp performers are allowed to worry them and the peace of mind of all those within hearin tance, just ride justly so. music n What has become of those piety sh who protested against Colonel Ingersoll’ addressing the Grand Army of the Republic | on Dece onl, in | making 4 $ Poor | such men, to stay the locomotive of advancing free-thought! elen Professional OURING politi- comicbooks.com