Judge — April 29, 1882 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

10 CONVINCING. e last night. That explains i THE CIRCULAR FIEND. wy “onir, Han! hark! Uhear Of the postman doi He nthe street arer, nearer— In a moment we shall m And That ow T see his uni And again T hear his whi That whistle sharp and clear, Tn his hand to etter: It is the check from Brown And now Pil take my children For a journey out of town I grasp the y This is th With ¢ low envelope check he had s Eread thi 8 Lives Ho'n OUR POPULAR FARCES. OUR CORONERS’ INQUESTS. REPORTED BY « ED.” Cuanacters: Coroner Workes, CouNset OF EXHILARN kp OR. R., Brakeman ENXatnaratep Ry CoxpuctTorR EXHILARATE SENGER, FOREMAN OF JURY, also eleven inspir- ed idiots who fill up the jury bor, Reronrens. Of cour tlemen, you are fully aware of the cause of inquest, It is to show my constituents pven the wealthiest of corporations cannot for a moment mis while / occupy the coroner’ Reporters.) Pat that in bi row’s issue, boys, and 1" you. (Aside to Jury.) is no doubt that the Exhilarated R. R. was not to blame abit. I will tell you that befor case, not officially, but asa private citizen (Aloud) The for your consideration that of Julius Noone, a little boy who at- tempted to board hil RK. Re a few ¢ The train wa moving off, and the gateman (there all stations of the Exhi “l the gate a hem (to jury). of justice at. (Aside to type for to-mor- fix it all right with we try the train upon the ays ago. nid Raiinoap, Mr. Pas- | THE JUDGE. But the nce been promoted, and vented his entrance to the platform, gateman, who hi therefore cannot be found, was ph with the gentleman who keeps the news-lepot. So the boy ran through, tried to jump upon ying dice | the train, failed, fell between ear | and platform to the street, and died in par- tie I will now proceed to cite the wit- | ne Mr. Passenger first. | (Mn. Passencer is scorn. } | Me. Passenger.—My name is | Business, Broker. Age 36. Live W. — st . Beheld the whole occ he train was moving of with open when the lad rushed through, He attempted to spring upon the last. platform of the first r. He missed his grip and fell to the stre after being carried along by the car for fully | ten fect. The conductor gave the signal to start before half of the people upon the plat- form were into the cars, Counsel of Exrhilavated R. R.—You say you beheld this yourself? Mr. Passenger.—I did. Counsel E.R. R.—Your eyes Bir. Passenger.—It i Counsel E R.—Ah, inde Did not 3, resulting from a cold, it ng No. ren you have weak 1880? Mr, Passenger.—1 did. Counsel E.R. It, —Were you not complied to wear green glasses for three full days? Mr. Passenger.—I was, Counsel E.R. R.—Gentlemen of the Jury } you hear what the witness says. He con | that all of the personal ke of th lent he hasis what he ‘if, Ie con- 3 that in 1880 he had weak eyes, and w forced to wear glasses for three whole da seventy-two hou’ Can such a person’s s be depended upon? Tsay no!—emphatically no! Besides, Lican prove that his wife great uncle was a Hessian spy, and his own second cousin is a pedestrian! Also, it js stated upon good authority that Le himself subseribed five dollars toward repairing Andre's “monument, Let him deny these al- legations if he dares, The lad, Julius Noone, lost his life through his own carelessnes: Why did not he ride in a street-car or a If he had done so he would not have been killed. Even if he had walked he would have been, in all probability, alive. Yet we forgive him, although he tried to cheat us. Gentlemen of the Jury, we can prove that he did not put his ticket in the box, When b left hand w discovered a block or so aw: from the found tightly clutched. in his stiffened finger | By his death the Exbilarated R. R. are out —pecuniary damage—five-cents; and yet we do not intend to sue for it. duce our f wiles aw hin: witness, the Brakeman. —Fore- man of the Jury, please crossexamine as inuch as you please, Brokeman man ou E.R. ten days. RR. (sworn). RK. Have been Braker Foremen of Jury. —What was your oecupa- tion before that? Brakeman * racket. —Charles Francis ene of his death, the ticket was | I will now pro- | | Brokeman BE, li. Ik. | Were not you once upon the police? | Brakeman BE. k. RA wa | Foreman of Jury. —You were ¢ | Brakeman E. R. I.—Corveet. Jury.—What for? ¢ .—Being a blank fool. s fighting drunk, Leah, We do matters What do you know Bunco, (consulting —wotes).— Foreman oy Brakeman Arrested an alderman who w | instead of taking him home Foreman of Jury.—Aul different in Washington. of the ident? Brakeman E, hk. R.—Nothin’, Foreman of Jury.—But did it not occur upon the plat Brakeman m of your car? but Twasn't bof the en; i in th there. wa “ supper, ‘The engineer was looking for a new mash of his, and I was running the old machine | ill he—- Counsel E.R. R. (hastily).—That will do. You have fully vindicated yourself. Step down, please, and let the conductor speak. Conductor (sworn).—Aum fifteen 5 Used to be a bootblack, therefore felt fully competent to run a train of cars. (dn re- of the pull upon Never shut rule, twenty sold. ply to questions by various members Jury.) “Always start the train b the bell-rope before it stops.” any gate at all.” “ Work, as hours ont of the twenty-four.” ‘Folks who are fools enough to ride upon the Exhilarated LR. R, have got to take their chances of life or deat! Never ride when off duty upon the Exhilarated 1m always take the back stoop of an ice-wagon; it time.”” “ Didn't know the boy was killed till [had it read to me in the pape “Can- not read or write myself, else [ would not be upon the Exhilarated.” “Believe the counsel arated, w is also doctor and coronc r, runs the Exhilarated R. R.” | “If he does lay out men in First Ward | saloons, I can't help it.” | © Counsel E. R. R.—Gentlemen of the Ju it is needless to call more witne: sary, Fhave fity or sixty employee: blocks away at the time the accident occurred, who can fully substantiate my first statement, or my last statement, or, in fact, any state- ment. Coroner Workem.—It is needless. Gentle- men of the Jury, you have heard the s\ ments of the witne: your hands. Seve holders in the Exhil | feel su who was | count kid, | [Jury retires, Enters after the lapse of about tio minutes. } Coroner Workem.—Geutlemen, have you saves S$ next day.” who were ate- and I leave the ease in al of you are large stock- rated R. R.. there of a just verdict, Bes Killed hasn't: any decided upon a verdict ? Foreman of Jury (solemnly).—We have. Coroner Workem.—Whiat is it? lury (impressively). —W Foremon of at the de and fully exon from all blame “for said vi itation, (curtar Jumno is not a success in every particular comicbooks.com