Judge — April 1, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AND PRES sur. Mr. Dauber, when you hare yreat artist and fort sometimes think of me Our Original Norristown Budget. A LARGE majority of the stories told about Oscar Wilde are no doubt weak inventions of the enemy, and should be frowned down by a free and enlightened press, whose motto is “Faithful and Fearless," and sometimes ‘Two Dollars a Year in Advance.” ‘There is good ground for the repc that Mr. Wilde, while in Cincinnati recently, was so deeply impressed with the consummate soulfulness of the leading sesthetic industry of that city that he assumed an exquisite pose of tooness, and superlatively declared in a tone of utterly utterness that he must relieve hi awfully unquenchable feelings in a yearningly beautiful poem—an ‘Impression du Sticking.” sometimes however, Proressor Proctor says that when aplanct falls into the sun in 1898 the thermometers in this country will go up to 2,000 degrees in the shade. That is the year we shall go on an expedition in search of the North Pole— not on account of the intense heat, but sole for the purpose of escaping the soul-harrowii conundrum, “Is it hot enough for you?” Oxe reason why Kate Field wants knee- breeches revived is because ‘Columbus did not set sail in quest of America in trousers.” Of course not, America was not in trousers at that early day. She didn’t wear much more clothing than a mole on the back. Nor did Chris. set sailin trousers. If our memory is not at fault, he set sail ina ship which, in yy, might readily be mistaken for the entire American na our da Wues the postage stamp collecting mania subsides in this country, the millions of speci- mens now in the hands of our boys and girls might be disposed of at fair prices tothe Court of Dahomey. Members of fashionable circles in that country wear several postage stamps for fall dress on all festive occasions. The stamps are gummed to the naked body and are worn decollete—very decollete—without a single frill or tuck, overskirt or jabot, pelisse or smiled upon hin when he became a yreat artist ant fortune he semetimes thought of her, nius nerer is appreciated.” | pannier. A member of the Court of Da- homey, in full dress, looks like a perambulat- ing postage stamp album. MicnaeL Baxver is a celebrated child-vio- linist, only thirteen years old. He may be a very pleasing performer now, but when he first commenced to practice on the violin, the chances that his neighbors felt like “hanging the Banner on the outer wall "—or somewhere. are Ir always makes the intelligent portion of an audience smile when the hero of the play rushes on the stage and, in a voice as gentle as the bellowing of a bull, cuts short his five. year-old daughter's faint and timid greeting with, “Tush, iy child! Don't speak ! We must not be heard.” You m familiar with such eases—or cclebr y be ted cas Tue Rev. Father Scully, of Cambridge, isa severe condemner of church fairs, and preaches againstthem, Next thing we know, a clergyman will get up in the pulpit and de- lare that pool-rooms and Kentucky lotteries are also demoralizing. We learn from an advertisement that “the Prince of Wales has just paid a high compli- ment to the champagne of M—& Co.” This champagne, if we have not been de- ceived, is a potent medicine for nervous pros- tration, to be taken internally before each meal, and several doses between times, and has greatly benefited the prince, who is a chronic sufferer. No doubt the medicine will soon be introduced into this country, and be for sale at all druggists'—sample bottles one dollar. Ax Ohio hen nas laid cn egg inseribed— “War with England in ‘84. America vie- torious,” It couldn't well be otherwise. The he inspected our formidable navy before lay- ing her war egg, and based tac final half of her prediction on its strength—on our navy’s strength, not the egg’s—thorgh one may be about as strong asthe other. If John Bull | wantsto economize in life and money, heshould immediately make peace overtures to our ( pment, Uncle Sam might be persuaded not ngage in this predicted war, on the pay- ment of ten million dollars or so. to It isestimated that, to count Wm, II. Van- derbilt’s fortune, at the rate of two dollars each second and ten how , would take cleven years, one hundred and fifty-one days, five hours and forty minutes. ‘That lets us out, Wehaven't time to count it, We shall have to be content with counting our own for- tune, It doesn't take so many years. We might, on a wager, perform the task in forty minutes, without the hours and days and year “A CHicaGo man believes his cane is pos- sessed of a spirit.” Perhaps it is. ‘They make canes now with a footaleep cavity, which will hold about a pint of the “spirit.” But for whom they are intended, unless it be church deacons, who are not permitted to go out between the acts, is a conundrum too deep for us, advertisement reads: “ Wanted—Girls nts.” It is hoped, for the sake of one and another, that the pants are not on gentlemen. — If the female Hamlet craze is a financial success, theatrical managers will soon advertise—‘* Wanted—Girls in Pants.” A DAILY paper was started in one of the large cities the other day, and when a subor- dinate asked the managing editor whether the new paper was to advocate protection or bea free trade organ, the M. E. replied, “Darn- fino! What's the difference anyhow?” “Well,” said the subordinate, “we'd better espouse one side of the question or the other.” “I suppose it would be the correct thing to ad- vocate whatever would add to the popularity of our paper, but there's the rub.” So they decided the important question by tossing up accent, and now the paper has a Ik torial every once in two or three whiles show ing how protection is paralyzing the indus. tries of our country. pored edi- A Lapy dentist ina Western city, while ex- tracting a tooth for a good-looking young man, was seized with a fit of temporary inspiration and kissed him on the mouth. The lady dentist was young and handsome, and the osculatory performance didn't rile the tient. It had a very soothing effect upon him, thesame as laughing-gas, for which he thought it might be a substitute, and wondered how soon she was going to administer another dose, and whether the charges would be extra. But the lady, suddenly recovering from her mental relapse, manifested contrition, and told her patient that if he would keep the matter seeret she would pull every tooth in his head, on the spot, without charge. But the affair leaked out, and now the services of two police- men are required to keep the sidewalk in front of the female dentist's establishment cleared —the rush of young men to have teeth cx- tracted being so great. ie comicbooks.com