Judge — February 25, 1882 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ON THE WRONG TRAIN. A youxe man from Eau Claire, Wes by rail to th Ue ripped it out strong, thing of For he swore with a terrible zest. > Lo Bat a pious old man snow-storm, On the train, then began, ay “Young mao, sweang is nelther wiso nor 1 road leads to h——1— giving to Ob, sir, ‘tis indeed a great pity.” People u! “Tis most eussedly plain T'm on the wro: My tickets we built fiv yo" | houses.” train — | asked th | there wa “Perh: savagely, Thompson as an Elephant. Wuite Barnum, Forepaugh and other show: | en have been quietly negotiating for the full | board of Park Commissioners to add to the at- | tractions of their menageries during the com- ing season, and while cach of these caterers to the curiosity of the public has fondly hoped | to have our Park Commissioners in his most clegantly gilded cage, the four extraordinary | creatures who preside over the di the public parks of this city bave suddenly determined to become showmen themselves. This awkward state of affairs has created | wild commution in our midst, as the tele- graph has no doubt informed the people of the other three-quarters of the globe. Ata uw he was T stinics of upon the gravely resolved to purchase a live and well- regulated clephant, and the sum of $2,500 was formally appropriated for the purchase of such an animal. Not even the image of Uncle | Sammy Tilden in the board objected, and the A col quer, elephant is to be purchased forthwith if one can be secured for that amount. We are in- formed by dealers in elephants that such stock is bringing good prices in the market, not- withstanding the fact that Barnum’s factory at Bridgeport is turning out a very fair arti- cle, and we are led to believe that the $2,500 | appropriated by the Park Commissioners will |“ Pos | not secure much of an elephant, means ¢ | We have, however, a suggi | which may assist the new-fledged showmen in | news of obtaining an elephant that will be & big card in their proposed menagerie. ‘The people | 4 YoU have long had a desire to look upon the child. | anything like and bland countenance of the Commis- | old pine sioner of Public Works, and it would require | it is a ¢ but little of the upholsterer’s art to so arrange | boy pulli the corpulent Hubert 0. Thompson that he | the con: ight appear as a ver} which now grace Thompson's feet, need not | it would be removed, as they will certainly add to the attraction. A pair of apes, Deputy Commis- sioner Frederick H. Hanlin, and the latter's | goog on secretary, Theodore A. Hamilton, known to politicians throughout this city as the most in- Tat ears the with Thompson. The three would thus form | be more a show calculated to make professional and | than th veteran showmen gnash their teeth, and ery | there. ‘Viloiwas domme pava'iweer; “Waar! call this much of a snow-storm ?” asked one old toper of another. When something went wrong “Well, ion,” replied the other, looking out at the ah! nothing at all to what we used to have down in Maine when Iwas a boy. Why, {And {t pains te to tell, Ihave known it to snow there from ‘Thanks: Yo sed to be obliged to splice out the . highly excited, reaches for the bell-rope, | chimneys in order to carry their smoke above the level of the snow. I've seen chimneys 2 “Including the story you have just tok “Well, if ever you get to be a professional liar, then Iwill talk to you,” replied the other. Suakes Some are born barbers barberous, and some have barberism thrust of ‘Tue Romans had no “win their alphabet, and yet they used wafers | recent meeting of the Commissioners it was Awan beats a good wife? A bad husband. Boop relations: —anything else today? Crockery weather: Muggy days. RaiLroap accident in New Jersey: A pune- tual train, stion to offer | fix “ Evening, respectable-looking | that they cannot smell the stink they make, elephant. The shoes which Tweed wore, and | OF, rather, it is unfortunate, for if they could sied that this was going to be an open winter | teresting of their kind, might be secured at a Wanstep, a fighting man to stir up and put small outlay, and exhibited in the same ring | some life in the Albany Legis! aloud for vengeance. up there? THE JUDGE. Not Appreciated. yes, I should say this acongealation of powdered refriger- was some- > New Year's day without a let up ¢ stories above the ridge-pole of c other man, with a grin, at which a little laugh from the bystanders. aps you think I lie?” he demanded, no, I never criticise amateurs, but SPEARE used to drin! itus Andronicus, On the st ; Some achieve the m. Il the same, RIMON!AL paradox: What is there that teports of murder cases, UNTER irritant: The shop-keeper’s T’’ is taken from a Latin word, which fer; and when written with the pre it means a long way after the the day. pTH writes to ask us if we know of x that smells more disgusting than an ora strong cigar. Yes, we do, and igarette with fire at one end and a ing at the other. It is fortunate for umers of these papered abominations undoubtedly choke them. weather-wise individual who prophe- erwise now. He froze his nose and other day. lature, Itwould entertaining, even if it was wrong, e stupid dullness that now obtains Why didn’t Brooklyn send Talmage RAL English literary erities have pro- tested with more than usual cnergy against the use of Americanisms in books which are | to be read by English people. ‘The criticism is stale, threadbare ard monotonous. If Eng- lishmen do not wish to read our words they need not do so, We shall continue to read English books, notwithstanding that they con- tain words which sound ridiculous to us. We shall continue to tolerate the English word “shop,” which with us has come to mean a place where manufacturing is carried on, but where we would use “store,” a place where goods are sold, But the fastidious English critics, who sometimes display greater skill at finding fault with words than in pl antly putting them together, may easily itali- ¢ Americanisms as they do French words, or put the English explanations in brackets, as their fanny papers do, Thus: ‘The de- dutante, having partaken of that clegantly- | named English dish, toad-in-the-hole, and an cclair, took the car [railway carriage}, while humming a barcarolle, and speaking en pas- sant of liquor stores [dram shops}, he said that many of our bourgeoisie were corned [a-maize-l (amazed ! !)) $1.000 rites eke pie ‘work for pi id delicacy of odor. It 18 made of Ottar of preciated condition, ub of conditions too nut mention, Tadorsed by tany eminent paysielans aud th Peoplein the community, ‘Sold by Atstclaca druggists, Office, roadway. New York, “HOLMAN Pap CO, OF PUBLIC INTEREST. QUACKS, ADVENTURERS, AND IMPOSTORS, When the world was In Its Infancy, rocking tn the cradle of superstition, so-called medical pretentious jugglers and Infested the wo! ‘This state continued u education and the general dissemination of knowledge dect- ated thelr ranks. Toda re of elviliza- Hon, we are beset and sun a new class of adventur era, charlatans, and ignorant tmpostors, whose excellent usan nature nto humbug the publ Xtraoniinary and stiatbeful manner, eblef among liver appliances, and a tle humbags, make the pabile believe that by large clase ‘These advent the union of two antagonistic ble: that elec 8 eniticient shipid nonsense.” Ask any electrician. Fpecialist, oF sclentist ‘od he will quickly Inform you how greats the teiposition. 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