Judge — January 21, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Original Norristown Budget. A woman's journal in the West is called Once-a-Month, Mt it’s editor is a woman s must have about seventeen columns of matter crowded out of each issue. About eight times a week is not any too often to accommodate the average woman’s flow of ideas, ifshe wants to keep up with her tongue. Tue gentleman at the end of the cable on the other side of the water—in London, to be a little more explicit—appears to labor under the hallucination that the fate of this country hangs upon the promptness and fre- quency with which it is supplied with news concerning the movements of Lord Lorne and his wife, the Princess Louise. The weekly cable gamut runs about as follows: Monday.—The Marquis of Lorne, it is now understood, will not return to Canada. Tuesday.—The Governor General has de- cided to return to his post about the latter part of January. The Princess Louise will ac- company him. Wednesday.—It is now positively asserted that the Princess Louise will not accompany her husband, but will join him next spring. ‘Thursday.—The Marquis of Lorne, notwith- standing reports to the contrary, will return to his post of honor in Canada early in the spring, and will be joined by his wife a month later. Instead of the Princess disliking the climate and people of Canada, she expresses herself well pleased with life and society at Rideau Hall. Friday.—Lord Lorne has determined to serve out his term as Governor General of Canada, but has not yet determined when he will retarn to his seat, The Princess will ac- company him when he sails, turday.—Princess Louise has not yet made up her mind to return to Canada. She goes to the South of France next week for the benefit of her health, and Lorne sails for America January 20. He will serve as Governor General of Canada until his succes- sor is appointed, which will probably be next fall. It would probably startle the Associated Press agent in London to be informed that business in this country would go on just the same—bank cashiers defalcate, Congress waste the people's money, and railroad kings grow richer—if Lord Lorne and the Princess THE JUDGE. Louise were never to return to Canada ; and there would be no more destitution abroad in the land if the cable dispatches were to never mention their names, Tue New York ‘Business Men's Modera- tion Society” is followed by a “Lager Beer Temperance Society.” And thus the good work of Temperance goes on, reclaiming the unfortunate victims of the flowing bowl, and sowing seed that will bring forth a bountcous crop of sobriety and industry in the near future. After a while the man who drinks seven kinds of intoxicating liquors a day can join a “Temperance” organization without curtailing a single beverage, and go home as drunk as a lord every night. A poy inGermany can repeat the Lord's prayer in eighteen languages. By a remark- able coincidence, this is exactly a dozen and ahalfmore than many boys in this country can repeat it in, A News item in a country weekly says a neighbor “is building a three-story hen-house for his chickens with skylights,” That’s right. Such thoughtfulness is commendable. If any fowls deserve to live in a three-story hen- house it is chickens with skylights. ‘They are valuable, and should be carefully protected. A Mouse made a nest ina lady's back hair during one night. The next morning it had to comb out of that. By the way, we never read of a mouse making a nest in a gentle- man's tack hair, It may be because he doesn't wear it on the back ofa chair during the night. Tue Farmer asks: “Why are so many farmers poor?” Perhaps it is because the farmer “can't afford to take a paper ” to learn the artful dodges in this wicked world, and hence he is easily persuaded by a glib-tongucd individual to sign an order for a seven dollar seven-octave feed cutter, and subsequently learns that he has put his name to a promis- sory note for $700, and is obliged to fork over the cash. Too much economy sometimes makes a farmer poor. A Westery paper says: “When a young lady's brother is kind enough to escort her to the theater, he might be spending the time with somebody else's sister, and the least she can do is to make herself as agrecable to him as she would to any other gentleman of her ac- quaintance.” This sounds all right intheory, but it would fail in practice every time. A girl can look with lovelit eyes into the optics of another girl's brother when at the theater, and unconsciously let her head fall against his shoulder, and talk soft nonsense, and he rather 1 3 it and encourages an encore; but were he to undertake to pratice these little arts of agreeableness on her own brother he would want to go out to see a man, and tell her the next time he took her to the theater he would Axorien foreign actress is coming to this country. As she is not accompanied by an ad interim husband, it is safe to predict that she will not create a furore and return home with a fortune. A Lonpoy medical journal states that there are in that city twenty physicians whose in- comes range from $25,000 to $100,000. These figures do not appear big in the light of recent events in this country. A Washington dis- patch says that Dr, Agnew’s bill for medical attendance and services during the late Pre: dent's sickness is $32,000, one item bein $5,000 for the first operation he made last sum- mer, At this rate we should judge that the doctor's income is not less than $1,000,000. It may be barely possible, however, that the Washington dispatch lies. There are such instances on record, we believe. A FEMALE infant recently born in McDow- ellsville has a hole two inches deep in the back of itshead. This is not much of an improve- ment over the old style of feminine infant, however. What the present female fashion in head-gear demands is a race of women with holes clear through the head, so that when they wear colossal hats to the theater, the gentlemen in the rear can see the ge by peeking through the holes aforesaid. A prize of $100 is offered by the Berlin Philosophical Society for the best “ critical account of the dialectical method of Heyel.” This is a muniticent offer, and if Tur JuDGE fails to receive a ‘‘ budget” from us during the next six months he may know that we are wrestling with old Heyel—and are having a Heyel of a time with the subject. A New York society lady held an “elabo- rate drawing-room" a few weeks ago, and yes- terday her husband failed for $150,000. It may strike some persons that there would be fewer $150,000 failures if “society” women were to hold more ‘useful kitchens,” so to and not so many “claborate drawing- A BALL was recently given by a church con- gregation in Denver toraisé money to pay the preacher's salary. ‘The preacher has resolved not to preach against the evils of danci| long as his salary is in arrears, OF the many ways of ringing up boys there's nothing better than occasionally bring- ing them up with a round turn. w. Haxarxe don't appear to be played out in this country to an alarming extent. Does the fact ever get the best of Guiteau’s egotism? Tne Park Commissioners are all ready for the skating season to open, but if J. Frost doesn’t get a firmer grip on the Central Park lakes, they will have to floor them over and resort to roller skates in order to make it | go alone. | seem like winter. --——— i comicbooks.com