Judge — January 14, 1882 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Go "long! “JAY CHARLTON.” A FisntNG authority, ina recent book, say: that the shad, when ascending a stream, wi take thefly, As Erratic would s the first time we knew the shad rocs—just for | a fly. Wuex Judge Porter can stand no more of Guitean’s abuse, he is described as * rising to his fect, and having all the garb of anger.” A very good description; but why shouldn't the judge have a little standing choler? Dip you give your boy a drum for the holi- days? Well, after all, it is the best present you could have given him. Like the man who gave it, that drum was not likely to have a head on it for more than one day. Sarcasm is found in the actions of the best- | intending men. Nothing, perhaps, teaches a better lesson than the pump handle, which, when a drunken man tries to hang on to it, droops, and then drops him gently to the ground. Guess you can't tell me nuffin ‘lout readin. ‘Tue Boston Post should have a lesson in flirting. ‘The man who chucks a baby under the chin is actually flirting with the mother, and not infrequently wins the father’s vote. Do not calculate that because we have had a soft winter we are going to have a quick spring. Frost, they say, sometimes causes spring halt. St. Lovis widows who are offended at the impudence of presumptuous gallants box their ears; and one of these young men who receives the widow's smite thinks that she can put more in the box than any other single woman, ‘Tak Democratsat Albany in selecting a pres- ident protem, returned to the original Jacobs. Tnene is a plaster head of Oscar Wilde which seems to be a pale cast of thought. Mixstrets are not always modest. Did you ever hear an end man stop in the middle of a joke, and ask, ‘ Is this old?” Ir is casy to foil a gilded youth, BEECHER is fond of saying of anything weak that it resembles ‘ropes of sand,” which probably bear some likeness to “ India’s coral strand.” Cows are freezing out West—which speaks well for the ice-cream crop. Arter all, fact is funnier than fancy. Nothing could be funnier than the story of J. B. Polk, the actor, who on the cold night of January 2 was on the Sound steamer New- port, which collided with a schooner, There were many actors and showmen on board, and among them the funy variety quartette called the ‘Big Four.” One who sees them on the stage would think that no combination of circumstances could confuse this combina- tion, Yet when the shock to th camer was felt one of the Big Four rushed out of his state-room with a pair of socks in one hand and a life-preserver in the other, jumped into a life-boat with another of the Four, and stood ready with knives to cut the ropes that would have dropped them into the salt, salt sound. Polk pokes them very hard. Tne Board of Aldermen in electing a pi dent took him Sauer. Pres ARTHUR wears a lilac neckti The politicians will now make everthing lilac. ‘They will, as usual, lilac all creation. Tue newest kind of molasses cake is called Joan of Arc, because it is made of Orleans. Tue wsthetes say that in poetry only the outer surface of material things should be gently touched. ‘They would in their winged flights even skim mi A CoLorapo mine has been named after Emma Abbott, notwithstanding that there has been one Emma Min’ ‘Tue man who slipped and fellon New Year's Day while walking on the pathways of Cen- tral Park, sings “Thy bright icc haunts me still.” ‘THE honeymoon sometimes reduces a man to his last quarter, and after that he may get his hair honeycombed. A soctety journal says that the presence of such a man as Oscar Wilde in America cannot in the end fail to have a refining and poetiz- ing influence on even the “remotest” and lowest classes of people. No doubt, and in- stead of having a highwayman come up to you and say, ‘Cully, what time is it?” before he snatches your watch, he will politely approach, pose in the most elegant manner, and, in smooth tones, say: ‘* Watchman, tell us of the night,” while afterwards adding: ‘I will ap- propriate this sunflower, because tradition says it is a stem-winder.” comicbooks.com