Judge — December 17, 1881 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| | | y, indulge in slang, but it is impossible to believe that any of them called the baron a “hang-up sport.” [tis not theirstyle. Th would have sighed, and sais, ‘Isn't he love- * «Isn't he too sweet for anythin; “What a dear delightful man!” or something that way. However, we must accord even the writer of a “ballad” some poetic license, and therefore let him propel : Now Miss Katie bean, from Boston town, With **calchaw” in abundance, Came hither to do the season brown, Bat she didn’t give the fellows one chance; And the airs she wore, and the high-toned frown Were enough to make a gun dance. ‘The keen and penetrating reader may detect Longfellow’s style in the last verse quoted, but we can assure him or her that Mr. Long- fellow did not write it. We are familiar with his chirography. The fact that Whittier is still living at the age of threescore and eleven is sufficient proof that he never wrote any- thing like this ballad. Weil, Baron De Frise and the cultared mald Quite naturally met; He n up” to lemonade, With ices, hash, ef cet.; ‘Thus, to cut it short, Ae began the raid— ‘As for her—her cap was set. It must not be inferred that such cold com- fort a3 lemonade and ices won the affections of the cultured Boston maid. It was the hash, et cet., that took her heart by storm. De Frise’s title also had something to do with it, perhaps. Thus matters went for a week or two In this dolce far niente; And strong acd stronger thelr love it grow, As faster the gay hours went, ‘And at last the Baron—well, what did he do? Why, he gave the question vent. It may dawn upon the reader's mind right here that Miss Katie was a giddy young thing, for a Boston girl, lacking in a marked degree those intellectual, self-reliant, self poised opin- inated, far-sighted characteristics so promi- nent in the average spectacled, Emersonian- Joe-Cookery young woman of the Hub, With- out making inquiries concerning the Baron's antecedents —whether his trade-mark of “Baron” was genuine or merely a base imi- tation, she said “yes” when he “gave the question vent;” and ‘Twas on a balmy, fragrant eve, That the parson made ‘em one; He swore to protect, she swore to cleave— Thus the high-toned thing was done; And in three short hours they were ready to leave To see the Parisian fon, Bat when they got two hundred miles— (Alas, that I must spile it! Bat the sweetest thing the soonest spiles— It’s nothing, sira, to smile at!) ‘The Baron's cash proved the merest of wiles, And himself a steamboat pilot! There! the denouement is just what might have been expected, and the Boston girl's fate should prove a warning to all giddy-pated young things who are yearning to marry “titles.” Before finishing this serious article, we wish to call the reader's especial attention to the brilliant ingenuity displayed in the con- struction of the last verse. ‘‘Spile it” and “‘spiles” is not the product of an ordina-y mind. It is downright genius A REFORMED HUMORIST. What shadoves wee are—tehat shaitones see pre SStantiN F TUrrEn, “I prithee note them, and mark how ilt their tales will hang together.” WILLIAM 1, SHAKSPERE, The Funny Business. Ovr foreman has just put his head in the door and asked for a half column of humor. There was no more ceremony about it, and no more thought of a refusal from us than if he had requested a chew of tobacco or the loan of a dime, indeed not so much, for we do run out of tobacco occasionally, and there have been times when an embarrassment has been ours, not wholly unconnected with an absence of money; but a demand upon us for humor we always honor at sight. It is a pleasant thing to be able to prompt- ly respond to such calls, and it is a source of constant pride to usthat we are able to doso, Every week we purposely refrain from supply: ing the printers with enough copy so that we may have our whole being thrilled with the | request as the above. Occasionally, too, there is an addition to our pleasure by the fact of the request being overheard by some admiring friend who may happen to be visiting us. At such times we are afforded an admirable pretext for excus- ing ourself to a long-winded friend; if he is a good sitter and waits for us we fire our fun into him when we have finished; and that never fails to fetch him. It is a good thing to be funny, for the world is good to funny people. Many people are | born that way, and when they are so funny as | to be unable to take care of themselves, they are placed in magnificent houses built and maintained especially for them by the State. —Cincinnati Saturday Night. “ AND so you have friend to Tom Jacks down-town bar, “Yes, Jim; I have taken an oath not to take another drink—until I have paid all my debts.” “And when will that be,” inquired the bar- keeper, as he thought of the big bill he had against the reformer. “Never!” replicd Tom, in solemn tones. sworn off, Tom,” said a n, as they stood before a Boyto is having rather a cool time of it in his long paddle from the source to the | mouth of the Mississippi, but let him endure it until he gets down among the alligators— they will undoubtedly make it warm enough for him, Younc FResHFoRD came near visiting a | catacomb the other morning when he came | in the office and told his boss the office cat with four small kittens had a literary look. Gentle reader, did you ever ride tn a Browheay stage and not hare your nose used for a door m~" or your ear used for a foot-scraper? If you have, you're more fortunate than the ordinary run of mortals, ws least #0 Smith thinks. ( B. Feet appear urourially large on such occasions. The above are not ezajgerated.) comicbooks.com