Judge — November 26, 1881 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. 7 A ckLRRYTED physician says man | A HOMELY 9 i; fault with ought to take a nap immediately ater eating. | her photograph when it makes her look ax Young Smikes acted upon this advice, and | handsome asa protessional beauty, but if it went to slecp in the office the other day ater likeness she insists upon sitting dinner, and his employer coming in an hour later, and finding his clerk as! © him a severe punch inthe ribs with bis cane, and told hii his services were no longer needed, | Newspaver Clowns and Claqueurs. It is not always best to take the free pre- | ptions prescribed by celebrated physicians, | Is its issue of April, 1879, more than two- anda-half years ago, one of the best known of American monthlies savagely knuckle-rapped “the evident tendency in domestic news paper literature to drift into clownish journal =” ‘The most pointed allusions were the mace to professional jokers (4), who were, ENGRAVING on Wood, it is stated, was pr ticed in China many centuries before it was known or used in America, It appears that about the only things that were known in China many centuries before they were praticed |.» this country were a couple of secrets in political cconomy—i.e., saving $25,000 a year ‘out of a salary of $3,000, and failing for | $150,000, paying ten cents on the dollar, and | retiring from business with a fortune of $500,- 000, even then, spinning out an interuinable hank of retail paragram, snide conundrums, treacle compliments, mutual back-seratehings, and lik« spasms of the overdone funny business. And the name ofsuch, this Honorable Court is sorry to nowledge, has become FE; | Mumorists are supposed to be those who ut- | ter original droll conceits, A writer may bx CoxxecticeT barber can breathe for ithout the use of mouth or nostrils, A awag and ne awi Moreove he € ‘mmunication is kept up between his la x ag andl never 8% loréaver, hejeat awl the atmosphere throngh his ears,” He's | Cither or both without being a blank dash Our Original Norristown Budget, | vot much otanimprovement over the ordinary | Mot THE AUHGE wants wa jnoukes ing. in ——= arber, however. What the male Portion Oe nee een nee eee ae in We sce no reason why the press and gener: | this free and enlightened Republic yearn for is | HM Mun and timely satire from series of merit al public should make so much fun of those | a barber that can suspend breathing alto- hamby-pamby youths called “lardy-lars her while shaving a man—especially if the They fill a niche in the moving world, and | tonsorial artist 1s auldicted to onions, sauer- * or is helpless. « “readers, or who only think how valuable they are to the para: | kraut and beer. fore: Mai hcl ned Tenders, or whi | continually blows his own tooter at the ex graphers. _ pense of a brother's selfrespect. is Honor would, in all kindness, try to save these in ve fools from their vulgar folly, Th whether they have mere local fame or wid pute; and he also has a supreme contempt tor any editor that spreads a. tafly column be GAIL Hasmntoy is said to be writing the | reminiscences of her girl Tho rumor | that the first chapter opens with, “Tn th AO Niagara Fauts hackman was recently robbed of seventeen dollars. And yet we are told that there is honor among thieves. are paid to supply news and boua-tide enter year 1724, when the writer was a girl of Tue front doors of William H. Vanderbilt's | she was not over six years old at the time, now house, it is said, cost $25,000. Itis |" “**™ ix years old atthe time. | vie siver City Sporter, ‘This fellow rushes evidently an easy task to keep the wolf from such doors; but, if the Bible is true, « man whose front doors cost only two dollars and a half, stands a better chance than Mr, V. of etting through the gate guarded by St. Pee : F : tainment, not swash and paragraphie tlt twelve yes trikes truth in a vital spot. | cee ae fam, Witness the irrepressible jackanapes of into frigid type with the gratuitous announce: ment that 8. Arsap Arilla of the Spankboard Hera’d (he who last propunded the slug-worn inter > “What was it the pave- “A Nori Canoutxa colony is meditated whieh shall be free from loons, churches, ministers and law jectors, we presume, are journalists, but the idea, we fear, is impracticable. Journalists would wot miss e beer saloons, br Me st have . - > cee os the: beer saloons; ‘buttiey inuathan was... Wanted distinction. The italics are A New York physician says that there have - ours, the puil'a ftir sample of much-to-beate- died in New York, within a few years, three | A GERMAN p) pher, who has been experi: | spised provincial butfoonery. ‘Then, 8. Arsap excellent clergymen, all of whom would now | menting as tothe intlucnce of intellectual labor | Arilla readeth w and findeth be alive had they not used tobacco. This | upon the circulation of the blood, says that | him: und sucketh bh should be cut out and sent to that | the greater the mental labor the greater the | greedily at the fraternal caramel, and lifteth gentleman who, at th of ninety-eight, | pulsations of the heart. Hence it may be | his voice and Faber itude, and lo and still using tobacco, ‘Twenty-five years | inferred that writing humorous paragraphs | jehold! he telleth his litle, narrow world in be the subject of a similar re- aases rather than increases the heart | the very uext handful of the Spankboard beats, as there is no mental effort connected with such labor, U2") is the greatest jester this country has ever produced since Charles. Farrar igs of the Silver City Sporter Yom Hood, an Ingoldsby resur A SOUTHERN paper epeaks of a curious a reted, Charles Lamb in duplicate (no doubt phenomenon in the shape of “a shower of | Now that the cold, dreary winter is ning @ doubled-up mutton-head), and, stones.” If there was a Scotchman playing | upon us, and many of the necessari rief, the most sparkling writer since grim the weird and unearthly bagpipes in the | fifty per cent. higher than they wer th boned all that was mortal of Douglas neighborhood, no further « ation is neces: | at this time, it must afford our worthy poor a | Jerrold.” Then this bosh and cackle is blue Such a phenomenon, under the same | great deal of satisfaction and ttoknow | penciled and mailed broadcast for the d ion, is of frequent occurrence. that Mrs, John Jacob Astor made a recent | tion of a erew of trained claguenrs, who in Pa pair of Japanese bronze vases | turn are splentifully daubed with fluent sapo- “Six thousand boxes of axle gr at a cost of $10,000, and an antique eabinet | nine. sold in Madagascar by an Ameriean vessel | for $5,000, When the gaunt wolf Hunger is| ‘Thus the reciprocity faree is played: to last fall, and yet there isn’t a wheeled vehicle | gnawing at the vitals of a poot family, and | a yawning avdienceot “old subscribers,” who in the whole island.” If the Madagascar | the wind is howling dismally around their | cheat themselves into the belief that they. are people used the axle grease fortutter, they | ehcerless home, let them tarn their thonghts | not cheated when tlour, potatoes and sanctum are guilty of a wild piece of extravagan to Mrs, Astor's pure J and be happy and | fucl are swapped for such editorial twaddle Olcomargerine is plenty yood enough for ‘em | contented—if they ean. , et contrary ruleth His Honor,