Judge — November 26, 1881 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

E JUDGE. THE KING'S WHINE. Un Unitation af Thomas baltey Aldrich.) Ture small green seal, on labeled bottles stuck, Proved that the vintage was no common truck— And all who sipped it thought themselves in luck: So night by night carousers clinked and drants, Some ainple-pouched, and others tall and lank, Quaffed muddtiuys nectar ‘til their senses saul And ho, the merry monarch of the feast, Sat on bis throne, an incarnated beast; Drunk as a lord—to say the very least. Mle fechly whined: «Come, set ‘em up, old fel"— Then tumbled from his throne (so boon companious tell) Awfal light-headed for a heavy swell. ERRATIC ENRIQUE Lo, the Gentle Restauranter! Tae Jupce has one in bis mind 1 Horatio, and his career is a bright example of | what rich results come from a proper mixture of a knowledge of human nature with busine will do, He is a Frenchman, He landed here about five years ago and at once started | a little tas, Chote restaurant chea down-town street. His customers were and mostly Americans, but he stadied them | close. He sized and weighed them all up, so to speak, and then used his own judgment in serving them. For in: it man came in for a fity-cent dinner, which included | a bottle of v himself: “This man lives at a cheap board- ing-house, where the only luxuries he receives are his turkey and icecream for dinner on Sun- days; I'll astonish him,” and forthwith he proceeds to do so in the politest’ manner, Soups, fish, beef a la mode, pig's head, and bit of strong, tasty cheese as a finisher. ‘The customer is astonished, and brings others to him, of course. So with anoverfed man with a poor stomach. He judges what he has been feeding on all these years, and goes to the other extreme, giving him tempting tid-bits which delight him, and he brings his frien So the business until his little restaurant was not large enough for it. He presently moved to a larger one, where he pursued the same policy, and not a year ago he became the proprietor of a grand cafe up- town, where he is making a fortune, and all because he knows how to. tickle stomachs in an origir on n ordinaire, he would say to went on people's | Oh, art never da, never do, Mr. ( hob; the piece must be held. per pendicular, and within three inches of the line of the face. THE SHOOTING SEASON Owsen or Prastisis: “Hold A Model n here; can't you read?" Collector. Ir you have a creditor whom you have given up as hopeless, wait a little. ‘There is Bill who never fails, they say, and from what we saw the other day we guess it is so, He is a tall, ugly-looking customer, and wheth- er he ever loses a ease or not, he certainly never refuses one. We were dining in an cating-honse the oth- er day, the proprietor of which bas a bad rep- utation for owing people small amounts ash, | Bill strode into the place about one o'clock, when it full of customers, and the propri- | etor stood behind his desk, all smiles aud nature, raking shekels into hi Bill approached him slowly. “Mr, Blank?” he inquired. “Ye. “ Ah!" and he proceeded to draw forth a huge pockct-book. “I have a little bill here due Tom Jones, for cash lent some time ago, money ‘an't ‘tend to that to-day Come around some other time, rply. “Hey?” asked Bill, pretending to be deaf, and so Blank 1 to repeat it so loud that everybody in the saloon looked up, greatly to his d “You have told that story twenty times, but it won't go down this time,” said he in a loud tone. “Hey?” he added, as Blank at tempted to quiet him, It was no go, however. Bill pretended to be deaf, and like all deaf men spoke ver loud, while Blank had to maintain the same tone, At one time he looked as though moved to throw him into the street, but when he sized up that hereulean collector, he concluded not to do it, and as he continued to talk he finally paid the bill, and the triumphant Bill lowered too busy, aid Blank, gust. his voice and went out witha smile that was armless and bland, Kelly With His War Club. Ferxaxpo Woop, after his re-election to | Congress last year, delivered a speech at a | meeting of the General Committee of Tam- many Hall, in which he eaid that the time would come when some of the more prominent deserters from the or He hoped, he nization would be glad | | to return to the Wigwam. added, that at such a time, men who had always been true to Tammany would stand at the head of the stairs with clubs and the renegades, who deserved no ‘The result of the recent election, in 1 Tammany succeeded in securing the Democratic lion’s share of the offices voted for, may give John Kelly the opportunity now of laying in a large stock of clubs for the statesmen who go the way the political winds blow. Kelly, with a club in his hand, beat- ing back the Falstaffian Hubert O. Thomp- son, who scems to claim the shoes once worn by William M. Twee Mayor Cooper, the plucked goo raced Tom Costig: ros} ‘ | editor of the musical department of the City Record, and “plain Jimmy” Oliver, is by no means an improbable picture of the fature. Kelly has been spat upon and ground in the nid so long by the men whose pocket-books were fattened by him, and who, under the guise of Democratic reformers, drove him out of power, that it must be a pleasant thing for him at last to shake the mud from his hair and beard. Brandishing a club, and shriek- ing the war cry of Tammany, he may again be contemplated by peaceful citizens, who may not grieve if he docs dance through the s called county Democracy, striking a head now and then, Racrraies Bouquets hurled at the unappreciated prima donna of the back y “My Wife's Mother is going rapidly. Publisher, Vow many other men are there who wish they could say the same thing? “We didn't know it was loaded.” J. 8. HUSTED, W, W. ASTOR, “Man's: women’s we work is from sun to sun, but k is never done "—by them. A WAIL from that stepladder: threw that brick?” “Who A SUGGESTION: “ Mike” Norton. For President in 1884— Always take up a winner. ‘THE latest pathetic song is entitled ‘Toes are Peeping-Out of Sister's Shoes. The Tue ideas of a shrewd, practical man are milestones on the road to certain success, if you can only carry them out.