Judge — November 19, 1881 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Anite As ye But flo not Why there is no For strictly pectable y plainly see, stand J men like me, Ido not think that 1 Hare ever told Or taken what was not mine own; But I'm very much afraid, a lie, ite generally known, I never leurnesl to a Never thought it right to Joke 1s to religion; Ao if yuk invent a swindling He would fled in me an admirable pigeon, I never struck my wife, Nor drank liquor in my life; Of my fatare state ve not a sit But { dread that there's a spot, Which my characte And ‘tis rumored ¢ te fear, Johnson's Patent Sea 2 THE Lion BY “SAME SCRIBE.” Ove day Bogville ioned arm-chair, das ugle was seated in his velvet-cush- iY scathing edite als with his usual easy eloquence an pen, | appea came dashin, s suddenly interruptey of a wild-eyed individual, who into the edit anec ial sanctum as if propelled from ¢ catapult, knocked over four a fith, Messly shouted: chairs, sat down on jashed his hat on the tloo “ Eureka! ‘The editor pluribus onion! Hooray!!!” had an escaped lunatic to deal with, | a instant preparations to crawl under the Lmake a bold fight for lit an had been a colonel in the war, stood military tactics well enough not to attempt to fight an enemy in the open cially if the enemy weighed id his pen aside a Bugle and unde field —esy than he His plan was to e1 hide till the wiley more uwl under the desk and 1 caller had exhausted th in smashing up the furniture, then sail inand knock the lunat down with « bootjack and tie him band and he had a chance to However, before he had fully settled ia his mind, his v in in a more rational manne reassured the frightened editor. I've struck it, colonel. thing out. You and I ¢ lasting fortunes inside of two month go in with me and keep mum.” As he uttered these mysterious words, the wildeyed man picked his hat up from th floor, put it on and cocked it up sideways with the brim down over his north ear, sol emnly winked his left eye, and looked several degrees wiser than Solomon ever dared to. “How is that? Please explain,” said the colonel. “In the first place, my name is Johnson— Doolittle Johnson, of Bogville County—and 1 presume I am addressing Colonel Hopkins, his super foot befor over, sche spoke The n make our , if you'll biggest ever- ast week, while the editor of the | The | expeet it will | it wasn't for Bill's amphibious tastes there | wouldn't be any discove THE JUDGE. or and proprietor of the Bogville aped from some show and trav | land to the pond. yes, sit; quite correct, sir,” ree} Well?” the editor, swelling up at the mention | “Now my plan is just this; of his military title, thing up in the Bugle in your x « Please mn write t t style every «with your explanation, | week, and when the people bexin to tock to r, Johnson.” my place to see the animal, Til fence in the All right, colonel, Pl get down to the | pend and charge fity e facts presently, But I'd like to inquire first | We'll go halves on the proce : if you ever heard of my boy Bill?” the curiosity of the community worked up to “6Can't say that I have,” | the right pitch we will soon scoop in a fort. “Vm sorry about that, Y1 ada | Hee rood deal by not being acquainted with Bill , Bill is, and I'm sorry He could rH Ne proce What do you say to the proposition 2” ess PI have to decline it,” replied the editor, wearily. give vou | Johns instantly lengthen 1 could, | # patent fishing-rod, “Decline it!” he exelaimer just throwing away a bonanza! Wve mM Mighty smart youngste you don't’ know him. pints on running newspap when he gets a few years older more than I do now.” ‘Is that possible?” inquired the editor in refully disguised sar ps, Bill is sm: been ont to my ph n's fac Hout like knows “wh ny but Faun afraid t work satisfactorily, For je will insist on seeing the lion eat, manage when they ‘codfish at his mouth, I've got the | ting him to swallow them whole?” | 1 never thought of that.” “ And again, suppose some investi scheme asm. would 1, and no mistake. Ever | the pe * Now begin pitehir pstane ww is Bill going shad and “T'm sorry about t expe best farm in the county; barns and outbuild ings all in shipshape, and a piazza _painte red the whole le You must put some Sunday and see the place.” , too. igth of the house, r comes nosing Fe nin the ribs with | nd Bill should suddenly burst and threaten to come ashore Pp wouldn't it be apt to sort of upset the perform. driv long “Certainly ; but how very “Oh, yes: ‘ing sight of that We'll hav t Bill ‘The editor groaned, but Johnson went right | on without noticing it: at your great dis- font sw Teame ni to commence a gain.” ba ance’ “<T suppose it would.” “Yes, and again, suppo show that had along, get out a writ of patent animal a fore you had a ch make thing ity “It would, that’s a fact.” some traveling lion should come replevin, and cart ki , it would ill, wonldn’'t “You see, Bill is a great swimmer. I've facre pond on my place, and Bill is | and paddling around nearly all the Only comes ont to eat his meals and ta few at night. He's get- ting so he ean stay under the water same as a lost a sea yo ina time. to expl tog nurs’ sleey whward for ather Frightens his mother sometimes when he goes down and stays so long, and she gets | y “Tin sorry to disappoint you, Johnson, but u fishing around | 1 nink, « ‘our plan isn’t practica- in the bottom of the pond for him; then Bill] jie afwe started the thing we would both up and laughs at her for her pains. | jy jailed inside of a week as a pair o ves out in the middle of the | jo. pond, rolls over on his back, and goes peace- | the garden rake and goes the whol come swind- Some “Guess you're right? said the fully to steep for an hour's nap in the middle | 4) ofthe day. ‘The faet is J home in the water now than he is , and 7 g led to take his meals ont to him in a boat after awhik farmer Il is more at on I t so wel be comy of course,” continued the editor. “So 1 will resume saving the country through the columns of the Bugle, and you can go back to your farm, and we'll let things glide along as usual.” “All right. the pond, give In fact; if rt him for school, and have the skin of that ses ‘y, so to speak. You | rawhide traces! Ta: », a stray 8 ot stranded up the ¢ And Mr. Johnson pulled his hat-brim down, Ly Al pw days ago, and what does | over pis north eye and faded away like a ten- Bill do but shoot the animal, take the skin | O'CT MS nore eye am way like a ten | dollar bill ata church fair. off, and rig it up like a Boyton suit, then get inside of it, launch himself into the pond, aud go paddling and frolicking about just like a regular sea-lion.” “ Pretty ingenious that.” Bat what has all this to do with your dis * inquired Colonel Hopkins, somewhat impatiently. “Everything, sir, ¢ covery Vil g ome, fish Bill out of him a good whipp bel iz and e night Vl lion worked up into ‘ythin; colon ok ‘Tue electric lights have produced one thing for us, if nothing else: they have oce great improvement in old-fas companies seem bound to illuminate their funeral in good style, which is good of them, considering the size of the corpse. sioned a “Yes, and Bill has all the motions and even the roar of the sea-lion down to a fine thing too. Some of the neighbors came while Bill was practicing, and you oug’ see their eyes stick out. They all a regular se: long t to greed it was lion, and said it had probably “Tae Harp that once through Tars is now plaged by a man in overalls. 's Halls,” comicbooks.com