A User's Guide to Neglectful Parenting #[nn]

In "The Gifts," Alice grapples with a quiet heartache after realizing her parents didn’t get her any Christmas presents—only to be told by Guy that their happiness comes simply from seeing hers. The moment tugs at the edges of sincerity, leaving Alice caught between guilt and grief, her emotions unraveling in a way that’s both tender and hilariously awkward.

In "The Little Mouse," Louis questions the truth behind his father Guy’s whimsical tale of a mouse leaving him money for his teeth. Guy tries to keep the story alive, but when Louis points out the euro coin mentioned in the tale, Guy’s flustered reply reveals more about his own uncertainty than the mouse’s generosity.

In "The Monkey," Alice worries about child kidnappings as she settles in for the night, but Guy soothes her with a bizarre and oddly reassuring tale from the news: a baby accidentally dropped from a window by a monkey. Written by an unnamed author and illustrated by an unnamed artist, the story blends dark humor with the quiet absurdity of everyday fears.

In "The Chainsaw," a prank gone hilariously wrong sees Guy trick Louis into thinking he’s been injured by a chainsaw—only to escalate the joke by smearing the machine’s motor oil onto his own arm, turning a simple gag into a sticky, absurd standoff. Written with sharp, deadpan humor, the story captures the awkward, escalating tension of two friends pushing a joke too far.

In this gently funny 2013 story from *A User's Guide to Neglectful Parenting*, Louis presses his dad Guy for answers about the Easter Bunny, only to find his father’s increasingly flimsy excuses eroding the magic faster than a melted chocolate egg. With a mix of dad jokes and awkward deflection, Guy tries to keep the myth alive—while Louis slowly realizes the truth might be more complicated than he thought.

In "The Pool," a well-meaning but distracted dad promises to keep an eye on Alice during her swimming lesson, only to vanish into a nearby cafe for the better part of the session. When he finally shows up, his absence has left a quiet, awkward space between father and daughter—perfectly captured in the quiet moments of a summer afternoon.

In "The Pretty Picture," Alice proudly shows her father, Guy, a drawing she’s made—only to face a scathing critique on perspective and draftsmanship. What begins as a sweet gesture quickly turns into a tenderly awkward moment, exposing the gap between a child’s heartfelt effort and an adult’s exacting eye.

In "Cereal," Alice’s curiosity about the Canadian cereal Guy brought home leads to a small, sticky moment of shared secrecy. When Guy claims the box is empty the next day, his late-night snack and the telltale scent on his breath set off a quiet, tender game of quiet suspicion between them.

In "The Handyman," Guy drags his son Louis into a DIY disaster, insisting he help fix a leak under the sink—only to prove hilariously unprepared, swearing through the process, slicing his hand, and ultimately flooding the kitchen. With sharp humor and relatable dad-energy, this 20-page story captures the chaos of trying to be a handyman while parenting in real time.