Beadle's Half Dime Library, No. 9 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

16 —_—_ --- ee learning, and all the science of the Antediluvian world. Here I met with Hermes Trismegistus, and a eg of old philosophers, debating upon the politics and learning of their days. I gave them in- expressible delight, in telling them in a few words all the discoveries of Newton, and the history of the world since their time. These gentry, on the con- , told mea thousand stories of antiquity, that some of our antiquarians would give their very eyes to hear. In short, I ordered the lib _to be preserved; and I intend making a present of it, as soon as it ar- rives in England, to the Royal Society, together with Hermes Trismegistus, and ‘half a dozen old philoso- poses. I have got a beautiful cage made, in which I ep these. extraordinary creatures, and feed them with bread and honey, as they seem to believe in a kind of doctrine of transmigration, and will not touch flesh.,.Hermes Trismegistus soposiedly is a most antique-looking being, with a beard half a yard long, covered with a robe of golden embroidery, and prates like a parrot. He will cut a brilliant figure in the Museum. made a track with my chariot from sea to sea, I ordered my Turks and Russians to begin; and in a few hours we had the pleasure of seeing a fleet ef British East. Indiamen in full sail through the canal. The atScers of this et Were. VAST, polite, and paid meevery applause and congratulation my ex- plese could nthe They told me of their affairs in and the ferocity of that dreadful warrior Tip- poo Saib; on which | resolved to go to India and en- count@ the tyrant. I traveled down the Red Sea to Madras, and at the head of a few Sepoys and Euro- peans pursued the fying army of Tippoo to the gates of emugapaien. challenged him to mortal com- bat; and, mounted on my steed, rode up to the walls of the fortress amidst.a storm of shells and cannon- balls, As fast as the bombs and cannon-balls came upon me, Lcaught them in my hands like so many pebbles, and throwing them against the fortress, de- molished the strongest ramparts of the place. I took my mark so direct, that whenever I aimed a cannon- ball.or a shell at any person on the ramparts, I was sure to hit him; and one time, perceiving a tremend- ous pleco of artillery pointed against me, and know- ing the ball must be so great it would certainly stun me, I took a small cannon-ball, and just ag I per- ceived the engineer going to order them to fire, and opening his mouth to give the word of command, I ook aim, and drove my ball precisely down his throat, Tippoo, fearing that all would be lost if I continued to batter PaRece, came forth upon his elephant to fight me; I saluted him, and insisted he should fire first. Tippoo, though a_barbarian, was not deficient in politeness, and declined the compliment; upon which I took off my hat, and bowing, told him it was an advantage Munchausen should never be said to accept from so gallant a warrior: on which Tippoo instantly discharged his carbine, the ball from which hitting my horse's ear, made hii plunge with rage and indignation. In return, I disc my pistol , and shot off his turban. He had a small field-piece mounted with him on his elephant, which he thend ed at me, and the grape-shot oe | in a shower, rattled in the laurels that covered anc shaded me all over, and remained pendent like ber- ries on the branches. I then, advancing, took the proboscis of his elephant, and turning it against the rider; strack him repeatedly with the extremity of it.on either side of the head, until I at length dis- mounted him. Nothing could equal the rage of the pee ie een ees arom from his we, phant. He rose ina fit of despair, and rushed agains my steed and myself; but I scorned to fight him at so great a disadvantage on his side, and directly dis- mounted to fight him hand to hand. Never did I fight. with any man who bore himself more nobly than this adversary: he parried my blows, and dealt home his own in return with astonishing precision. The first blow of his saber I received upon the bridge of my nose; and, but for the bony firmness of that part of my it would have descended to my mouth, I still bear the mark upon my nose. He next made a furious blow at my head, but I, parry- ing, deadened the force of his saber, so that I re- ved but one scar on my forehead; and at the same instant, by a blow of my sword, cut off his arm, and his hand and saber fell to the earth; he tottered. for some paces, and drop at the foot of his elephant. That ous ani porang; she sengor of his mas- ter, endeavored to tect by flourishing his pro round the of the sultan, Fearless, I advanced against the elephant, desirous to take alive the haughty Tippoo Saib; but he drew a pistol from his belt, and disc ed it full in my face as I rushed u him, which did me no. further harm than wound my cheek-bone, which disfigures me somewhat under my left eye. I could not with- stand the rage and impulse of that moment, and with one blow of my sword separated his head from his body. I returned overland from India to Europe with ad- mirable velocity; so that the account of ens defeat by me not yet arrived by the o e, nor can Pan expect. to hear of it for a con- siderable time. I simply relate the encounter as it happened between the sultan and me; and if there be any one who doubts the truth of what I say, he is an infidel, and I will fight him at any time fas, place, and with any weapon he pleases, Hearing so many pe ig about raising the oe) George, I began to take pity on that fine old of British plank, and determined to have her up. I was sensible of the failure of the various means hitherto employed, and therefore inclined to try a different method. I got an immense balloon, made of the toughest sail-cloth; and, having de- scended in my diving-bell, and properly secured the | Beadle’s Half-Dime hull with enormous cables, I ascended to the sur- face, and fastened my cables to the balloon, As soon as I began to fill my balloon with able air, the vessel began to move: but when balloon was completely filled, she carried up the Royal George with the greatest rapidity. The vessel ap on the surface occasioned a shout of triumph from the millions assembled on the occasion. Still the balloon Library. continued ascending, trailing the hull after, likealan- | tern at the tail of a kite, and in a few minutes. ap- peared floating among the clonds. It was then the 0 n of many philosophers, that it would be more cult to her up. Bu taking my aim so exac that 1 brought her down in an instant. I convinced them to the contrary, by with a twelve-pounder, I thought it t her down than it had been to draw | safer to take my aim when the balloon was over the | sea, and, pointing m air rushed out with eet force, and the Royal George descended like a fa star into the very spot from whence she had been taken. There she still remains: and I have convinced all Europe of the possibility o taking her up. CHAPTER XXXvV. THE BARON MAKES A SPEECH TO THE NATIONAL AS- SEMBLY, AND DRIVES OUT ALL THE MEMBERS—ROUTS THE FISH-WOMEN AND THE NATIONAL GUARDS—PUR- SUES THEM INTO A CHURCH, WHERE HE DEFEATS THE twelve-pounder, drove the ball | right through the balloon; on which the inflammable | 2 Yellowstone Jack | 5 Vagabond Joe, NATIONAL ASSEMBLY, ETC., WITH ROUSSEAU, VOLTAIRE, | AND BEELZEBUB AT THEIR HEAD, AND LIBERATES | MARIE ANTOINETTE AND THE ROYAL FAMILY. Passinc through Switzerland, on my return from India, I heard of the sufferings of the amiable Marie | Antoinette, and swore to avenge every look that had | threatened her with insult. I went to the cavern of these Anthropophagi, assembled to debate, and gracefully put ing the hilt of my sword to. my lips— ‘Lswear,” cried I, “by the sacred cross of my sword, that if you do not instantly reinstate your king and his nobility and your injured queen I will cut the one-half of you to pieces.’’ On which the Pres- ident, taking up a leaden inkstand, flung it at my head. Istoo to avoid the blow, and rushing to the tribunal, seized the speaker, who was fulminat- ing against the Aristocrats; and taking the creature by one leg, flung him at the President, I laid about me most nobly, drove them all out of the house, and, locking the doors, put the key in my pocket... I then went to the poor king, and making my obeisance to him—*‘ Sire,”’ said I, ‘“‘ your enemies have all fled; I alone am the National Assembly at present; and I shall +s, rreaeg your edicts to recall the princess and the nobility; and in future, if your Majesty pleases, I will be your Parliament and Council.”” He thanked me, and amiable Marie Antoinette smiling, gave me her hand to kiss. At that moment I eived a of the Nation- al Assembly, who fad rallied with the National Guards and a vast procession of fish-women, advanc- ing against me. deposited their. Majesties in a place of safety, and with my drawn sword advanced against my foes. Three hundred fish-women, with bushes dressed with ribbons in their hands, came hallooing and roaring against me like so many fu- ries. I scorned to defile my sword with their blood, but seized the first that came up, and making her kneel down, knighted her with my sword; which so terrified the rest, that they all set up a frightful yeu, and ran away as fast as they could, for fear of be- ing aristocrated by knighthood. then pursued the enemy to the to where a most noble edifice dazzled m and sacred it was, but now. convert purposes. I burst. open the doors, and entered sword in hand. Here I observed all the National Assembly marching round a great altar erected to Voltaire; there was his statue in triumph, and the fish-women. with pariends decking it... I rushed upon these pagans and sacrificed them by dozens on the spot. eir cries were horrible, like the shrieks of witches and enchanters versed in magic and the black art; while the thunder growled and storms shook the battlements, and Rousseau, Vol- taire, and Beelzebub appeared, three horrible spec- ters: one all meager, mere skin and bone, and cadeavyrous, was Vo taire, and in Ss were a lyreand ad r. On the other side was Rous- seau, with a chalice of sweet poison in his d; and ‘between them was their father Beelzebub! I shuddered at the sight: and with all the enthu- siasm of ve, horror, and picty, rushed in among them. I seized that skeleton Voltaire, and soon compelled him to renounce all the errors he had advanced; and while he spoke the words, as if by magic charm, the whole assembly shrieked, and their pandemonium began to tumble in hideous ruin on their heads. I returned in triumph to the palace, where the queen rushed into my weeping tenderly. I creature dry her eyes, and with the au ascend my e and drive post to Mont-Medi, as not an instant was to be Jost, ey took my advice and drove away. I conveyed them within a few miles of Mont-Medi, when the king, thanking me for my assistance, hoped I would not trouble myself any further, as he was then, he pre- sumed, out of danger; and of a hill, ht; noble to the vilest the queen, also, wit tears in her eyes, thanked me on her knees, and PS. sented the Dauphin for my blessing, In short, I left the king eating a mutton-chop, IT advised him not to delay, or he would certainly be taken; and sesh spurs to my horse, wished them a good-evening, anc returned to Englan l. If the king remained too long at table, and was taken, it was not my fault. THE ©) | SSS numbers twenty-four. cents. = a ~ Beadle’s Half Dime Library. 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