Beadle's Half Dime Library No. 220 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

— CHAPTER IV. GETTING OUT OF SITUATIONS. “THAT’S right, my sons,”’and Mr. Tanner, Sr., affectionately laid his hands on the heads of his two boys. ‘* Ther’s nothin’ like bein’ indus. trious; specially ina boy. It setssich a shinin’ example to—to—” “To their father,” suggested Mrs. Tanner. ‘“Shet up, woman!” growled her husband, ‘* Ye’r allers a-puttin’ in at the wrong place. It sets such an example to the babies, as is a- comin’ on to be boys, arter you gets to be men. Take care of the babies, and the boys’ll take ‘care of theirselves; that’s Scripture, my sons. If my work wasn’t so redik’lous mean I’d be sendin’ you both to college, ’cos that’s where you oughter go. But peor folks can’t carry out all their ideas, my sons, partik’lar when they’s got a spinein their backs as keeps them from stiddy labor, The boys by this time had escaped from his exuberant offection, which was laid on a little too heavily for their appetites. ‘oTain’t very high-toned,” continued the father, sprawling into a chair, ‘‘I don’t jist approve of my boys, as ought to be at college, barkin’ for a Jew slop-shop and openin’ eysters. But, money’s the main brace; jist freeze onto that. Hand over what you’ve ’arned, Frank. [ve got a cruel ti’klin’ in my throat, and must go and get some opedildock.” “I won’t get any money before Saturday night,” answered Frank coldly. ‘Saturday night! That’s a nice bargain for a boy of your talent to make. And me a-brag- gin’ you up for bizness. TVIl go high Tom isn’t sich a jack as that. Fork over the needful, Tom. lve got to goto the drug store fer a dose of opedildock, and your mammy wants some pigs’ knuckles for dinner. So shell out.” “Oh, you go to grass, dad,” answered Tom fretfully. ‘ i ain’t got a red.” “Then your no sons of mine, and I disown you both,” cried the father, drawing his coat around him with the dignity of a Roman Sen- ator. ‘‘ Yeain’t got the old Tanner blood, or ye’d never go barkin’ fer a Jew, or openin’ eysters fer a Jerseyman, I never thought as the family’d come to it.” He dashed the back of his hand across his eyes to wipe away some imaginary tears, and stalked out of the room with as woe-begone an expression as though he was about to commit suicide for the honor of the old Tanners. But if the whole truth of history was known it might prove that his journey ended in Neil McGrump’s sample room, where old Tanner yet had a shindow of credit for old rye. “'There’s no use talking,” said Frank, de- spondingly. ‘Father is past mending. There’s very little encouragement for us boys to try and make a living.” **Oh! you be bu’sted!” exclaimed Tom, roll- ing over on the floor. ‘* You’re always a-pick- in’ at dad, If he likes whisky better’n he does bread, he’s his own boss, I reckon. What's the use of your pitchin’ in?’ ‘‘He ought to be ne * and keeping his family respectably,” replied Frank. ‘‘That be blazed! If I was as old as dad, and had two lazy boys like you and me, I wouldn’t work neither. And if they wouldn’t work Id wollop them like dad used to wallop us.” “T wish you’d both hush up,” Mrs. Tanner querulously broke in. ‘‘ Boys have no business to be discussing their father.” She was a little at a loss which side to take in the controversy. “I ain’t a-cussin’ my father,” replied Tom, taking an extra roll. “If there’s anybody a-cussin’ it’s Frank, I freeze onto dad too much for that.” ‘‘ Well, I don’t,” exclaimed Frank, decidedly, as he set his hat firmly on his head and left the room. He knew that Tom was only twitting him to make him angry, and thought it best to avoid a quarrel. Early the next day the boys were at their work, Tom at the oyster cellar, Frank at the clothing store. The latter had succeeded in coaxing two or three customers into the shop on the previous day, and now went eagerly to work, hoping to have a good day of it. Tom, too, plunged judustriously into his work. He had a special admiration for oysters, and fancied that he would like to open them by the year, with the chance of slipping a plump one occasionally down his throat, when nobody was looking. Fred Jones, the hee of the establish- ment, knew something of this propensity in boys, and shut his eyes, with a quiet smile, when he saw an occasional oyster slip hastily down Tom’s greedy throat, He had done the same thing himself when he was a boy, and had so sickened himself of oysters in two days’ time that he had never liked them since. So he dia not fear that Tom’s appetite would greatly cut down bis profits, But the greedy boy had no idea that he was observed, and every few minutes, when he fancied that Fred’s back was turned, he would hastily grab up an. oyster from its shell, and stuff it into his mouth, swallowing it at a single gulp. Suddenly, after such an evolution, Tom drop- ped shells and knife, and went spitting and sputtering around the cellar, making the most grotesque contortions of face. Fred turned to him with a great show of surprise. ‘* Hillo, my bully boy!” he cried. ‘‘ What's guy way in Canady now, my lark? Got nipped by a crab, I s’pose. Or pinched by an oyster- shell, maybe.” ‘‘It must have been a crab,” acknowledged Tom, still sputtering. I‘red turned away to hide a smile. ‘*He swallered a rotten one, that time,” mut- tered the veteran. ‘‘ They allers do when they’re inaburry. I guess Tom Tanner’| git his fill sooner than the most on them does.” Tom, in fact, didn’t want any more oysters just then. He had swallowed, in his haste, such avery bad one, that he feared he would never get the taste out of his mouth, and he went back to his business of filling the custom- ers’ kettles with a look of disgust upon his ex- pressive face. Things went on quietly for a few minutes, and then there was a new diversion. The serv- ant girl of Mrs, Trim, for whom Tom had open- ed a bundred primes the night before, came hastily into the cellar, her face inflamed with anger, ‘It’s lucky fer yerself, Mister Jones,” she loudly began, ‘‘ that it’s me, and not the mis- tress, as is come to see ye this blessed mornin’, For us, as has been yer best customers more nor a year; and one might think we was new come: outers, as had niver seen an ’yster, to be put on so. ‘‘Blazes! What’s up, Mrs. Delany?’ cried Fred inalarm. ‘* You didn’t serve none of the shells up along with the oysters, hey?’ “It’s far wuss nor that,” answered the girl, inasolemn tone, ‘* And it’s afeared I was the mistress’d go off in a dead fit.” ‘‘ But what, in the name of all the salt fish of the Atlantic has bu’sted?” roared Fred. ‘‘ Out with it, ye long-winded daughter of Erin, What’s the row?” “The row is bad ’ysters,” answered the girl, more solemnly than ever. ‘‘Siven of ’em to the hundred. Sorry the one less. And they were rolled up nicely in bread crumbs, and fried as brown as berries, and never diskivered till the folks put their teeth in them. this mornin’ at breakfast. And thensich a hellabaloo as there was! Yo might ’a’ thought it was all my fault; and me a-knowin’ no more consarnin’ the qualities of ’ysters nor a born baby.” Fred, despite the anger that “was upon his face, could not help a burst of laughter. But he then turned sharply to Tom, who had thought it good policy to echo his laugh. “So this is your first specimen of work, you scapegrace! This is the way you serve my best customers, you snortin’ little sand-bar! And you think it’s prime fun, do you? Somethin’,to laugh at, youson of a corporal? Hang me for a cow’s uncle if ’m going to have my best customers sarved with rotten oysters by you, and be laughed at in the bargain by a red- necked Jackanapes! Git, now!” ‘* What?’ asked Tom, in surprise. “Git, [say! Git’s the word!” ‘You don’t say that you’re agoin’ to giv’ me my walkin’ papers?” “Well, I guess that’s about the weight of it.” ‘‘ And for nothin’ except puttin’ a bad oyster or two in a whole kittle of ’em?”’ ‘‘You’ve got the heft of it there, Tom Tanner, and the quicker you make tracks the better it mought be for your health.” ‘‘ Well, all I’ve got to say is, it’s confounded shabby.” “Shabby, hey?” and the furious oysterman made a spring toward his impudent apprentice, But Tom was quicker still. He turned a hand- spring over the oyster bar and landed on the floor outside. Safely reaching the steps that led to the street, he stopped and called back: **See here, Fred Jones, you’re a good deal too partik’lar. I ain't a-goin’ to work for a feller that kicks up sech a dust about nothin’, It isn’t my fault if you buy sp’iled oysters. And if the whole hundred had been rotten you couldn’t ’a’ stirred up a wuss hurricane about it, Jist you __-. re eee — > — entice eee Tom Tanner, Scalawag and Scapegrace. 5 pay me off, for I ain’t goin’ to open another oyster in this here old shanty,” ** Pay you off, hey?” “Yes, Ll want pay for five hours’ work,” ‘* Hang you, you've eat oysters enough now ta pay you, rotten oses and all,” with a grim smile at the recollection. ‘ If there’s we Hh more a-comin’ to you, Vl! settle it right here on the nail.” He picked up a leather strap that lay behind him and made for Tom. The latter individual thought it about time to leave, ‘A royal old row to be kicked up ’bout sich a trifle,” grumbled Tom, as he walked discon- solately along. ‘‘ Howsomever, if they tasted anything like the one | swallered, I don’t won- der old Mrs. Trim got a bit on her ear. It was enough to make a hog sick,” and he furiousl spat out the bad taste that came into his mout at the recollection. ‘‘ Well, bere I am on the street ag’in, outof a job. But I’m hanged if I’m goin’ to let that nice-talkin’ little humbug of a Frank Tanner discountme. Ill warp bim, see if [ don’t.” Frank, meanwhile, had been having som suc- cess. He had already sent in three customers to the tender mercies of old Franks. They would need to be very sharp sheepif they didn’t come out shorn after passing through his hands, Frank was quick witted and lively, and gave promise of ooh na a successful salesman. “This way, sir. Step right in. ‘* We can fit you out with anything you want. Come in, sir. Won’t charge you anything for showing our goods. You can try on anything in the estab- lishment, from a neck-tie to an ulster, and if you ain’t satisfied you can walk out a ain; and if you’re fond of pictures we'll give you a chromo for your trouble. Walk right in, sir.” The gaping countryman, at whom Frank shot off this voluble harangue, took him at his word and walked in, without knowing just for what. And soit went on for the next hour. The youthful salesman was already beginning to make a reputation in the street, But at the end of that time there was a disa- greeable diversion, There came along Tom Tanner, accompanied by four or five of his vag- abond associates. | ‘* Whoopee!” cried Tom, as if he had made a great discovery. ‘‘ Look there, fellers! it’s my nice brother Frank, as sure as you live, playing barker for old Jew Franks. My eye, isn’t this jolly? Come up, fellers, What'll you have? Fit you out in anything. Nicest fash- ions goin’. Tight pants; snub-nosed jackets; checker-board vests. Step right up, and git fit.” The young rascals with kim laughed heartily as Tom ran this off in a shrill voice, affecting to offer them the goods that hung outside. Frank’s face grew very red. ‘‘Now you get away from here, Tom,” he cried, angrily. “ If you come here trying to make a fool of me, ViIl—” “Yow ll what?’ blustered Tom, coming up close with clinched fists. “ No matter what, You get out, that’s all.” L I the ught he'd back water,” laughed Tom. Here’s yer fine horse-hair beaver, gentlemen, made of cows’ tails. Jist try it on. It’s war- ranted to fit everybody.” The coat at which he was tugging came loose in his hands. With an impulse of mischief he commenced to put it on one of his associates, whose arms were innocent of coat and almost of shirt. ** Take it off!” cried Frank. ‘* Yes, with a hook!” ‘‘Hey! Vat’s goin’ on there?” exclaimed the Jew, suddenly appearing. ‘‘ Vat you doin’ mit my coats, hey? Father Abraham, I’m_ bein’ robbed! Catch him, you poy! Catch the young t’ief!” Frank started forward to do so, but the boys ran-off with a shout of disdain. “Run after him!” cried the Jew, dancing with excitement. ‘‘ Run after him!” Atthis order Frank gave chase. The boys had already gained several yards, and the street was too full of people for much speed to be made, either in flight or pursuit. Hrank hesi- tated about giving the alarm of “Stop thief!” for fear of getting his brother into trouble, and so he ran on silently, though the Jew was mak- ing as much noise as though half of his stock had been stolen. The chase had not proceeded far before Tom, who had lagged behind his companions, sudden- ly threw himself in the way of the pursuer, and tripped him so that he fell sprawling to the ground, Then the mischievous young rascal GOMIGDOCKS (EO)