Authentic Science Fiction Monthly No. 72 — page 79: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AUTHENTIC SCIENCE FICTION slumped back onto the couch like a dead thing. Looking down at the hand, I tried to move it again. It felt entirely numb, as if all the nerve fibres connecting it with my sensory reception centres had been severed. No amount of willing it to move obtained the slightest flutter of response. The rest of my body trembled with the tension of the effort. This was it, the legacy of the crackup, the box of horror which I had not opened until this moment. For a whole year I had not piloted a ship, be- cause I had been prevented from doing so by the Board of Inquiry’s ruling. Hysteric laughter trembled on the edge of my lips. They had stopped me, when all the time I no longer had the necessary abil- ity. The traumatic experience of the wreck had burned so far and so deep into my associative paths that down there, below the level of con- sciousness, I was a hopeless cripple who might never be capable of piloting a ship. I stood up. I could do that. I had perfect control of my limbs and mind, just so long as I did not try to do the 78 only job I wanted to do, the one to which I had devoted my life. Grant must have seen that there was something very wrong. He walked over. “ve got to get out of here,” I said. ““You’ll have to tell Bushman. I couldn’t pilot this ship to Mars if he gave me a million credits—I’m finished.” He placed a large hand on my shoulder. The grin did not come so readily this time. ““‘Nonsense. You’ve got to take hold of yourself, Molson. If you give up now, you're finished. I’m not going to let you throw this chance away.” I wanted to believe him. All through the year of in- activity the only thing that had kept me sane was the thought that some day soon I would be in control of another ship. It was the only way of life I knew. But I did not taik about it. I sat down again, this time in the astro- gator’s place. Grant took over the pilot’s chair and a few seconds later I felt the firm pressure of comicloooks.connm