Authentic Science Fiction Monthly, No. 67 — page 105: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AUTHENTIC SCIENCE FICTION understand. Any culture which could appreciate you as you are would have tastes so near to our own that the local competition would, quite liter- ally, put you right back where you started.”’ He riffled more cards. There’s Rigel X. They would find your slenderness attractive, but they also insist on hairlessness and, more- over, demand an _ intricate scar-pattern on the face and torso.” He turned more cards. “Pollux V. They have no objection to hair, but they like tall, shapely women.” He shook his head. “‘Fomalhaut Il? No.” “Why not?” Sarah was getting worried as the rosy dream of being the foremost beauty on a planet began to _ fade. ““What’s wrong with Fomalhaut?” “They're an amphibious mutation,” he explained. *““You’d need webbed feet, gills, and a vestigual tail.” He returned to the file. “Sirius XX. Again they dislike hair, but they prefer women short, dumpy and pneumatic. Also,” he coughed, “their marital customs are inclined to be a little . . . well, hectic, shall we say? I really think that Deneb III would be best.” **All right, then. If you say 104 so.” Having gone so far Sarah was in no mood to back out now. She wanted a husband and she wanted him fast, and if she had to suffer a little in order to appear beautiful, well, since when have women ever refused to do that? ““Good.”’ Fenshaw sounded relieved. ““We’ll remove all your hair then, and stain your entire body...” “Stain ?” “Yes. Another facet of their cultural pattern. Some radiation from the sun has mutated the melanin so that, instead of tanning a normal brown, they tend to acquire > a purple shade. It’s nothing repulsive,” he said hastily, as he saw her expression, “‘but, naturally, they appreciate the same colour in their females.” Sarah hesitated, then nodded. It was, she supposed, no different from women admiring sun-tanned men. “We'll give you an overall tattoo of the most desirable shade,”’ continued Fenshaw. *‘And then there is the ques- tion of your teeth.” “reem 7? “Ridiculous, I know, but they prefer them to be pointed. A left-over from their primi- tive state, I suppose, but there comicloooks.com