Authentic Science Fiction Monthly, No. 65 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MISTAKE ON MARS “‘There’s something wrong with this formula,” he said, and squinted at the scribble I had written down from memory. ““What’s it supposed to do?” | ““That’s my business. Can you make it?” *“Yes,”’ he admitted. ““Some of the things aren’t too plenti- ful, but I can handle it.’’ He sucked in his breath. “It'll work out at a hundred credits the litre.” He was robbing me and [| knew it, but as he’d agreed to wait for his money, I nodded and gave him the go-ahead. Slim had fixed up with a printer and found someone to supply the bottles and, that night, we sat up until dawn filling the bottles with the goo and sticking on the labels. I did a quick calcula- tion and figured that selling them at a hundred credits a time, I’d be making four hundred per cent. profit. It was while filling the bottles that Slim first noticed the effect. He sniffed the air and looked at me, his eyes wide. “It works!” “Of course it works,”’ I said sternly. ““The De-Fumer will kill all and every odour. It sweetens the air and destroys lurking bacteria which might 15 cause infection and illness. It...” I broke off, staring at him. “‘What’s the matter ?’’ “No bacteria on Mars,”’ he said. He drew air through his nostrils, and frowned. “‘Funny, it seems as if there’s some- thing wrong.” **You can’t smell anything,” I pointed out, and I spoke the simple truth. The De-Fumer doesn’t kill odours as such; it works much more efficiently than that. What it really does is to numb the olfactory nerves so that it’s impossible to smell anything at all. Cabbage or carnations, drains or detergents, perfume or rotten eggs. It isn’t selective and, in that, lies its greatest charm as a demonstratable line. Give a customer a sniff of ammonia, then, when he’s recovered, let him smell the De-Fumer and try again. Proof positive. I didn’t want to tell Slim all this because some people have funny ideals about things which affect their normal physiology. Instead, I con- centrated on the selling aspect. “The stuff is volatile,’ I explained. “‘“One bottle won’t last long and then theyll have to come back for more. I tell you, man, we simply can’t lose!”’ comliclbooks.conn —