Astounding Science Fiction (British edition) — page 106: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

104 Then he shrugged. No, if he carried out his plan, it wouldn’t matter. He walked on down past the fence of the play yard. The boys were con- centrating on their ball game. Without a warning a warmth suf- fused him, singing sympathy, hope, joy. He stopped, looked about him, and saw no one. Yet the somatic feel- ing had been near—so very near. Then he saw it. A dirty, lop-eared dog looking at him quizzically from under a shrub near the playground gate. He thought at the dog, and saw its head come up. They stood and looked at one another, each letting the warmth, the tenderness, affection wash over them. So lonely. Each of. them had been so lonely. Joey knelt down and began to whisper. “My mother is mad at me Tight now. So I can’t take you home.” The dog cocked his head to one side and looked at him. “But Pil get food for you,” Joey promised. ‘““You can sleep under our back steps and nobody will know if you just keep out of sight.” The dog licked a pink tongue at his face. Joey nuzzled his face in the dirty hair of the dog’s neck. “I was going to die,”’ he whispered. “I was going to die just as soon as my mother got over being mad at me. | was going to wait until then, because I didn’t want her to blame herself later. I can do it, you know. I can stop my blood from moving, or my heart from beating; there’s a hundred ways. But maybe I won’t need to do it now. I won’t need to die until you do. And that will be a long time; a long, long time. You see, if I can stop your heart from beating, I can keep it beating, too.” The dog wagged his stumpy tail; and then stiffened in Joey’s arms. ASTOUNDING SCIENCE FICTION “Yes,” Joey thought quickly at the dog. “Yes, I know the kids are watch- ing us now. Pretend like—” the thought hurt him, but he said it any- way. “Pretend you don’t like me, that you hate me.” Slowly the dog backed away from Joey. “Here, doggy, doggy!” Joey called. The dog gave a wavering wag of his stump tail. “No, no!” Joey thought desper- ately. “No, don’t let them know. They’ll want to hurt you if they find out. They’re—People are like that.” The dog backed away another step and lifted his lip in a snarl. “Yah! Yah! Yah!” the kids called out. “Joey can’t even make friends with a dog!” They were standing in a semicircle about him now. Joey stood up and faced them then for a moment. There was no anger or resentment in his face. There never would be now. One just shouldn’t get angry at blind and help- less things. Without a word he started walking down the street, away from them. The dog crouched far back in the corner under the shrub. “Yah! Yah! Crazy Seeyt the kids called out again. Joey did not look back. They couldn't see. They couldn’t hear. They. couldn’t know. He felt a rush of pity. The kids went back to their play, arguing loudly about who was at bat. The dog waited until their attention was fully on the game again. Then he crept out from under the bush, and started ambling aimlessly down the street in the direction Joey had gone, trotting awkwardly on the bias as some dogs do. He did not need to sniff for tracks. He knew. connicloookks.c© nn