Argosy All-Story Weekly — page 162: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ry And Kunkel replies: —— “ Dot wassn’t no lady. Dots my vife. ‘Then Kinkel reaches up, and sticks his thumb in Kunkel’s eye. “Kunkel retaliates by kicking Kinkel in the stomach. hinkel arises, and smites Kunkel over the head with his cane. Kunkel kisses Kinkel lov- ingly on the forehead, and then kicks him in the stomach again. Is it any wonder with laughter at the greatest act on the stage? Who can yodel as Kinkel does, or who else executes a wooden shoe dance with the grace and aplomb that is Kunkel’s? Long may they flourish and continue to delight the refined and intelligent. Now the Scylla and Charybdis of the show business are extravagance and the ladies. The Thespian mariner who steers his bark safely between these two perils, can reasonably hope to keep out of the Actors’ Home in his old age. On the first count the partners were unanimously acquitted by all their acquaint- ances. As Eddie Maloney, the monologue man, said: “ Either one of them birds makes Harry Lauder look like a Coal-oil Johnnie.” Indeed he went further, and asserted that if Kinkel and Kunkel were to be placed a thousand miles apart, and either one were to spend an unnecessary dollar, the one who did not squander the aforemen- tioned wealth would immediately experience a violent attack of heart failure. There isn’t the slightest doubt that they were a pair of hard-boiled eggs. Darts from feminine eyes glanced from the couple as harmlessly as peas rattling on a hippo. They had never paid any ali- mony or breach of promise: and they never under any circumstances bought refresh- ments or gewgaws for female acquaintances. But there is no armor so impervious that Cupid cannot find a loose joint for one of his arrows. Also it is a well-known fact that Achilles ramped around for many years before his mushy heel was discovered. The electric sign in front of the Oriental Theater in Toronto bore the names of Kinkel and Kunkel—and Dotty Tremaine. the audience shrieks knockabout “T dunno,” responded K from the other side. First wee K Ove Bill MacNutt says she’s there. Gt go up an’ give her the once-over. closes the first half, an’ we ain’t on t after the intermission.” ™ Kunkel lit his pipe and engaged in a game of solitaire while his partner was in- specting the new arrival. When Kinkel re- turned he was obviously excited. “ Say, that Tremaine’s a panic,” he said. ‘She just knocked ’em out of their seats, an’ they’ve been sittin’ on their hands all afternoon till she went on. She done three encores an’ took six bows, an’ even then they wouldn’t let her go. Had to throw on the house lights an’ start the orchestra to kill ’em off. I ain’t seen anybody in years that can put over a song better. <n’ she sure is a sweet patootie in tights—looks some- thin’ like Russell did years ago. She’ll be a riot in New York.” Kunkel was rather surprised at Kinkel’s enthusiasm, as that gentleman usually con- fined his remarks on other performers to what is professionally known as hammer throwing. However, he refrained from any comment. That evening Kunkel viewed Miss Tre- maine’s act. The lady was indubitably a genuine ‘‘ trouper.”” She knew how to “ put over ” a song in the way that comes only with years of experience and real ability. | Also she wore gorgeous costumes, and looked dazzlingly beautiful in the glare of the spot- light. But make-up has been known to cover a multitude of wrinkles. ‘“She knows her business, but she ain’t as young as she was some time ago,”’ so- liloquized Kunkel. After the Tuesday matinée, Kinkel sur- prised his partner by the celerity he dis- — played in getting out of his stage clothe: and into his street habiliment. a ‘“What’s the excitement?’ the ing 11 eae “ Puttin’ on a disappearin’ demon ee comicbool