Argosy, Vol. 118, No. 4 — page 152: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

622 ‘“ Well,” said Aleck, “ here’s something for you to remember: I didn’t hire you to shoot craps; it wasn’t mentioned in the con- tract at all. I hired you to act like a vil- Jain, or as near like one as it’s possible for a big, fat, baby-faced tramp like you to act, and after this I want to have you stick around when there’s any acting going on. You might learn something to. your advan- tage. But just.now I want some advice from you.” So then Aleck love of Mike, he knew of any female mem- ber of the profession who was a good, free, easy-working, convincing screamer; and if he did know of any such person, would it be possible to get her here in time for the opening performance to-morrow night? He told George that the fact of the matter was that we had to dig up a big-league scream- er from somewhere, and do it in a hurry, too, or the jig was up. And how about it? Did George know of any such person? “Do I?” said George. “I certainly do! You’ve come to headquarters. I know just . the person you want, easy to get at, and everything. And what’s more, I'll guaran- tee something: I'll guarantee that you'll get the real thing—a perfect scream!” Aleck uttered a large sigh of relief, and I did likewise. ‘“‘ George,” said Aleck, “ just for that I’m strongly tempted to raise your salary; but I won’t do it, because no doubt you’d squander the money on what you call Af- rican golf, and so Ill keep it and spend it wisely myself. Who is she, and where does she reside?” “Her name,’’ said George, “is Ethel May Darling, and she lives in New York.” “Ethel May Darling, eh,” said Aleck. ‘Never heard of her. What do you know about her?” | ‘“T know this,” said George with assur- ance. ‘“ Ethel May Darling would ’a’ been one of the greatest emotional actresses this country ever saw if it-hadn’t been for tapi- oca pudding and ice-cream. But Ethel got addicted to those things, and after a while she had to retire from the boards because they wouldn’t hold her up any longer—or wider. When she retired from the stage she weighed more than I do, and it inter- asked George if, for the THE ARGOSY. fered with her effectiveness. When Ethel was working good it was too much like be- ing right next door to an earthquake, and the audience didn’t enjoy it; they felt ner- vous and distraught. It was a terrible blow to Ethel—to give up her career like that—but she had to; pub- lic safety demanded it, and so did the man- ager she was working for. ‘Some time later,’’ continued George, ‘“ I remember hearing where Ethel had tried And so Ethel retired. to drown her sorrows in marriage, but the — drowning wasn’t a success. I forget who he was, but, anyhow, the operation was a failure. And so now Ethel is living alone in a third-class actors’ boarding-house in New York on beans and memories, and you can get her for ten dollars and expenses. She’ll jump at the chance; or she would if —well, you know what I mean. And I'll say this: Ethel May Darling will deliver the goods. As I said, only her habits pre- vented Ethel May from being one of the greatest emotional actresses in history, and shell pull a scream for you that ’d make the hair on a brass monkey stand right Straight up on end. But get this: if you hire her, don’t forget that: like all the rest of these professional emoters, Ethel is shot full of this so-called temperament, and you'll have to handle her with gloves.” ‘We'll take a chance on that,” said Aleck. ‘“ Gloves, eh? Why not a derrick? What’s the address?” George gave Aleck the address, and Aleck fished a telegraph blank out of his pocket and wrote a telegram to Ethel May Dar- ling and handed it to George. ’ ‘Have the kindness to get that on the wire for me right away, will you, George?” asked Aleck. ‘ And listen,” he went on. “We're pretty near through for to-night, and you’ve certainly done me a favor, and so you needn’t come back to the theater. If I were you I’d run right along to the. hotel and get a nice long night’s rest. We’ve got a hard day ahead of us, and a hard night; no doubt a good sleep will improve your work, and that’s what it needs, im- provement.” | ~“ All right,” said George. ‘1’1l do that.” And he left us. | “Well,” said Aleck, “ that settles that.” mM (Cl Q) NOOK