The Argosy, Vol. 90 No. 1 — page 129: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE WILD EAST, ways. She looks up at him, mad as a hat- ter, a quiet hatter. “You big lummox,” she opines, Judge you’re all mouth!” She got clean under his rhinoceros hide with that! His face got black as a Mexi- can’s, and he grabbed her. “Just for that,” he growled, “ you'll give me a kiss to seal our engagement!”’ He lifted her, a little fightin’ fury in a holy second, and chastely pressed his un- shaved lips to her alabaster brow. And negligently he looses one arm, while he’s doing it, to send me rolling like a bowlin’ ball as I rush up to stop him, while his friend stands by grinning, with no move to interfere. I came right side up out in the gutter as he started to set Gussie down on her kick- in’ little feet. But I wa’n’t watching them. There. was a panorama up the street that plumb held me fascinated. It seems there was a man who had seen the start of the performance. By the time it had ended, he was on his way to us. And the manner of his comin’ was exceed- ing picturesque. In the wake of Sagebrush and his pal had been this Len Haswell. When he saw Jake grab her, Shank’s mare wasn’t fast enough for him. He was then passin’ Lar- rabee’s saloon, before which was standin’, with his head down, Alf MacDermott’s fiend of a cow pony, Heat Lightning. And the resultant tableau was what held my eye. Say, I’ll bet my immortal soul, that when that Easterner had whirled, he never touched ground again till he’d touched leather. He just gave one spring from the walk. Simultaneous, the bridle was up over that oayuse’s head. Haswell was in the saddle and Heat Lightning was in the air, buckin’ like a accordion. Remember, the fellow didn’t have a spur or a whip. But it was like a animated dummy in store clothes had been glued to that pestilential animal. And somehow Haswell got him straightened out right in the air on the third jump, and started for our little group like an express train, just as Sagebrush was implantin’ his unappre- ciated salute on Gussie’s forehead, “eT 123 Haswell and Heat Lightning arrived al- most before they started. I whooped with simple joy and rolled out of the way of the mustang’s hoofs as the Easterner stopped him short on the bound, droppin’ _Off him as he reared. Sagebrush’s pal was in the way. Has- well never touched him with his hands at all. He just shot out a leg as he went by. That cheap satanite went rollin’ clear across the street, spittin’ alkali all the way. Sagebrush had just set Gussie down. He looked around, kind o’ stupid with sur- prise. Then he drawed. But Haswell beat him to it. His hand flashed to his pocket and came up with an automatic. He shot Jake’s Colt clean out of his fin without grazin’ the skin! Then he dropped his automatic on the walk. For the first time since he arrived, Has- well is mad, and it’s some sight. But even then, he don’t make no commotion about it. ‘““A bum can rag me to fringes!” he ex- plains, murderous like and cool. ‘“ It’s all in the game. But he can’t get gay with a lady. Come on, you pretzel!” Say, the things that back-easter done to that poor misguided an’ mouthy grizzly was a sin and a shame. I never supposed that a man could be changed so in so short a time. Just to show you, durin’ the jag that Sagebrush accumulated subsequent to forget it, Uncle Billy Westlake found him on the hotel stoop and started to tote him around to the kitchen. He mistook him for a consignment of hamburger steak that had been left by the express company. And say, the female of the species is more deadlier than the male. All! the time Haswell is alterin’ the physiology of Sage- brush, Gussie Lindley is hoppin’ like an animated jumping-jack, and screechin’: “‘ Attaboy, kid! Go toit! Kill the wild man of Borneo!” When the reconstruction policy had been completed, and Jake laid there bliss- ful oblivious, Haswell, who hadn’t even took off his coat, swings out his right wing and gathers Gussie to him. Meanwhile he cursory addresses the middlin’ crowd that had gathered and was oO Comicbooe S CO