Argosy, September 1955 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

16 KEM BENNETT As an honoured guest, Albert was driven back to the Town Quay after his visit to the police-station. With the Inspector’s friendly hand on his shoulder he walked proudly through the still-waiting crowd. But when he caught sight of Herbert Whiteway, he stopped in his tracks. ‘The water-bailiff was standing in the Alice, his face gleeful with triumph and malice. Albert’s salmon lay on a piece of sacking at his feet. Albert swallowed. Dismay hit him, self-disgust, anger, and a sense of bitter unfairness. Alice was there, her face glum wit disaster. He looked at her for a moment and then lowered his eyes. Before he could say anything, the Police Inspector’s surpris- ingly soft voice sounded, “‘ Something wrong, Mr. Whiteway?”’ “Nothing wrong, sir,” Whiteway said creamily. “I was watching Pascoe come in through my glasses and I saw him gaft a fish. I found this salmon hidden under tarpaulins in the cabin of his boat.”’ There was a silence. Albert looked up. He took a deep breath and was about to launch himself into a futile defence on the grounds that the salmon was a Canadian fish when the Inspector said softly, ‘Salmon? ‘That doesn’t look like a salmon to me, Mr. Whiteway. I'd say it was a fine big bass.” The water-bailiff stared. He lowered his eyes, glanced for a moment at the salmon at his feet, and looked up again. “ A bass!” he said squeakily. ‘“‘ You mean...” ‘‘] mean that as far as the police are concerned that is a bass, Mr. Whiteway. I’m sorry to disappoint you. Good afternoon.” Albert swallowed again. He looked at the Inspector, at Herbert Whiteway, whose mouth was hanging open, and at the salmon. For once he could think of nothing to say. Alice stepped into the breach. “I'll thank you to put that fish back where you found it, Mr. Whiteway, and step out of our boat,” she said in a loud voice. Then, as a roar of delighted laughter rose from the crowded quay, she went down the steps like a duchess, with Albert behind her, smiling. * * * GOING TO EXTREMES Shake and shake The ketchup bottle. None will come, And then a lot’ll RICHARD ARMOUR comiclbooks.conn