The Argosy — page 374: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Extracts from the Diary of a Young Lady. 353 spoke of him as IJ had discovered this before we married. Then the secret in his life, and his thought of himself always as a great sinner, and then—what with the damning evidence of the Book, which was enough in itself, I vecollected him—yes—God help me—I did! Those blue eyes that had haunted me, that expression of passionate entreaty, I knew now where I had seen them—why I recognised them. Nay, I remembered the very features now, those clearly-cut, handsome features. The slight youth had grown into the strong, broad-shouldered man, and the fair complexion and hair had been stained dark along with the sailor’s disguise—that was all. These terrible proofs convinced me, and as they did so I lost consciousness and fell heavily to the ground. I was aware of a sensation of thankfulness ; it was the last thought I was aware of; thankfulness that I died, that the shock had killed me, and all was over. I will think calmly; but it is the calmness of despair. Would to God I had indeed died then. When I came to myself I was in bed and undressed. I looked for Marcus, but he was not there. A strange woman stood on one side of my bed and Doctor Winsley on the other. They seemed busy about me, and I felt surprised. ‘What is the matter?” I asked. How faint and weak my voice sounded. ‘* Where is my husband P” Then they told me I had been ill, but that I was recovering ; that I had been in bed some days, and Sir Marcus was in France; that they had not sent for him as they did not know his address. ‘There had, they added, been no occasion to send for him, as there had not been anything dangerous in my illness, though from weakness I had been unconscious. All this was told me gradually, and so as in no way to alarm or excite me. Afterwards I learned that I had been found in a fainting fit on the floor, and that my illness had destroyed the sweet hopes of motherhood which had latterly been mine. I lay all that day quiet and passive in bed, and all that night and all the next day. I took nourishment and medicine, and strength returned by degrees, and Doctor Winsley said that I should soon be con- valescent. But in the middle of the second night my dreadful doom fell upon me. I suddenly, in one second of time, remembered what had happened. Sir Marcus Gray was a murderer and I was his wife! At first I could only abandon myself to the horror of the one fact, my husband was a murderer. I seemed staring it in the face and making myself acquainted with it. ‘Then I passed through more than the anguish of death, more than the agony even of seeing him die. But out of this came the necessity of arranging my future life. I was young and ignorant, I never thought of means and ways, and how could I carry out such a project? All I intended to do was to hide; hide so that no one should ever find me, or ever learn that I VOL. XLII. A A EOMIGIOOKS (CO)