Argosy All-Story Weekly — 'The Metal Monster' — page 157: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

% Another week passed, during which the usual seven days got by, and Aleck and I didn’t. We failed to make good by a large amount. Aleck and I took counsel to- gether and agreed unanimously that some- thing must be done. We were together on that. Where we split was on the question as to what must be done. There was a difference of opinion; exactly such a differ- -~enee of opinion as, in the beginning, I men- tioned as occurring between Aleck and me. ‘‘ We've got to do something to jazz up this show,” said Aleck. ‘“ That’s a cinch. We've got to have some kind of an added _ attraction, and I’ve been wondering just what we need and I’ve fmally made up my mind that what we want is something low- brow—something that'll appeal to the masses. I don’t mean anything that ain’t clean, but—well, say something like a boxer, or maybe a wrestler. hold of some well-known boxer, advertise him to take on all comers, with the usual forfeit of one hundred dollars to the local Sullivan that can stay with him three ‘rounds or so, and Il! guarantee it'll do the trick. I’ve never known it to fail yet. Now, who—’”’ “ Aleck,” said I, " you're all wrong. What this show needs i isn’t something low- brow. It’s lowbrow enough as it is. On the other hand, I wouldn’t say that what we need is something highbrow—not abso- lutely or necessarily ‘highbrow. But, any- way, we don’t want anything lowbrow. And besides, I’m off these boxers and wrestlers, and I’ve got my reasons. Most of ’em are low, vulgar persons with the sort of intellects they were wearing in the Stone Age, and they’re fresh and opinion- ated, and think they’re the whole show, and they don’t get on well with the rest of the troup, and I don’t like to have ’em around.”’ “Too bad about you,” said Aleck, sourly. ‘* But believe me, as between having your delicate sensibilities grated on by a low, vulgar prize-fighter, and crashing into the bankruptcy court, as far as I’m concerned you lose! Maybe you’ve got something better to suggest?” “T certainly have,” I assured him. “ Far, far better. I’ve been giving some thought TINY, THE TERRIBLE TURK. We'll get ‘I3srI to this matter, and I know just exactly what this show needs. It needs a large shot of Art, Youth and Beauty, in equal quantities! What this show is suffering from is a raging epidemic of senile debility —do you get me, Aleck? That’s what ails us principally—an aching void where we ought to have youth and beauty. As for the other thing I mentioned, Art—we’ll let that go, because you don’t know what it means. Anyway, now you know just ex- actly what’s the matter with this show. And there are only two ways out of it.’”’= ‘“‘ What are they?”’ asked Aleck. ‘We can either go out and get fitted. for an entire new chorus, which ain’t hardly practicable,” I told him, “ or else we can add something to what we’ve got, making just a httle bit more. We can add an at- traction combining the qualities I’ve men- tioned, namely, Art, Youth and Beauty. And that’s what we’ve got to do.” “ According to you,” said Aleck. ‘“‘ Where you going to get all this art, youth and beauty? Have you got anything particular in mind?” “I have,” I told him. ‘“ In this week’s Showman there’s an advertisement of The Leonora Lincoln Dancers—Classic and Aes- thetic Dances.” “What does aesthetic mean?” inquired Aleck. “ Roughly speaking,” said I, “ it means the difference between corned beef and cab- bage and angel cake. Anyway, there was a photograph went with the ad, and it was a very clear and good photograph featuring six young ladies, and there wasn’t any rea- son in the world, Aleck, why you couldn’t tell at a glance that those.six young ladies were all young and all beautiful. Anyway, what reasons there were, were very few, and what few there were, were very scant.” “That’s Art,” said Aleck. ‘“ Though I suppose I ain’t supposed to know anything about such things. Excuse me for mter- rupting.”’ “ Leaving all that aside—which seems to be customary with these classic dancers—” I said, “‘ this advertisement in the Shouwmen says the Leonora Lincoln Dancers are look- ing for an engagement; and, Aleck, if you take my advice, we'll wire ’em for terms CONMIC AOO!K Colin