The Argosy, March 1907 — page 127: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE GREEN PARROT. From the corner of the room a hoarse voice poured forth a flood of profanity which would have made a mule driver blush. Elaborate oaths and _ insulting criticisms of suppositious# physical de- fects were hurled at the visitor in a steady stream, and among the least offensive of the anathemas Mr. Scales recognized several which he had him- self bestowed on the parrot a few hours before. The effect of the interruption was elec- trical. Mrs. Scales uttered one horrified exclamation and fled from the room, banging the door behind her. Mr. Scales, dropping the clergyman’s hand, fairly staggered back several paces, and Mr. Stoner, when he had recovered from the first shock, drew himself up, the very incarnation of outraged dignity, and stared with half-sightless eyes in the direction of the voice. ‘“Who is this person, Mr. Scales?” he demanded in icy tones. ‘‘ Who is this misguided and -blasphemous individual who dares thus to assail a minister of the gospel?” Mr. Scales, after several preliminary gulps, recovered his power of speech. “It isn’t a person, Mr. Stoner,” he said hurriedly. ‘It’s a parrot—a da— that wife an abominable parrot, my picked up to-day at a sale. I think he must be possessed by a devil. He's done nothing but make trouble.” Mr. Stoner, groping his way across the room, approached the cage, and stooping down, peered through the wires. parrot, as if resenting this close scrutiny, eyed him malevolently and_ repeated some of his remarks in a more subdued tone. “Poor bird!” said the clergyman. “He doesn’t know what he is saying. After all, there are some humans who are hardly more to blame. What dread- ful surroundings he must have had. Where on earth did Mrs. Scales pick him up?” ‘At the Vandusens’ sale,” Mr. Scales replied. | " . “The Vandusens?’”’ Mr. Stoner cried in tones of the utmost astonishment. “The Vandusens? Surely there must be some mistake. With the sole excep- tion of the father, who I still think was more sinned against than sinning, they The. are the most truly Christian family [ ever had in my flock.” “She bought it,” repeated Mr. Scales, with some stiffness, “at the Vandusens’ sale. So she told me, and I hardly think she would lie about it.” “ No—no,” said Mr. Stoner hastily, “and yet—I don’t understand it. I knew the family well, and I never heard them mention a parrot. I’m sure they wouldn’t harbor so profane a bird as this for an hour.” “T’m sure we didn’t know he could talk like that,’’ returned Mr. Scales with some resentment. “It’s the first time he’s given an exhibition of his powers. | I can’t think what started him. Funny if the sight of a clergyman brought it out.” Mr. Stoner ignored the remark. “T think,” he said, “that you men- tioned some trouble the bird had got you into.” Mr. Scales related the incidents of the afternoon, while the clergyman’s eyes twinkled. ‘“T wish,” said Mr. Scales, in conclu- sion, “that you would tell people— tell “it as a joke on me. It’s a most awkward position. A man can’t go around explaining that he wasn’t drunk, and, besides, it sounds a rather fishy Sie Ye =e “Tt does,” assented Mr. Stoner with disconcerting readiness. “I’m _ afraid you'll have to excuse me, Scales. You see, I can’t afford to get the reputation of going about telling jokes on my parishioners. Wouldn’t do at all.” ‘What am I to do, then?” Mr. Scales demanded with some heat. ‘Let people see, my dear boy,” replied Mr. Stoner, “by your manner of life that such an imputation is unfounded. Take attendance at church, for in- stance = “Oh, yes,” interrupted Mr. Scales hurriedly, and shying away from the subject. “Of course. About that new church wing, now 2 Mr. Stoner sighed gently, and the two men fell to discussing architecture and church finance, Mr. Scales having first taken the precaution to remove the parrot to an empty bedroom. “There’s one thing sure,” said Mr. Scales to his wife, after the clergyman niGchboo (E@) 699 <S7com