Argosy All-Story Weekly, June 27, 1925 — page 106: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

908 “Not much, Belle, old gal,” her recent employer replied jovially. “‘ This yere water & wuth its weight in gold. Do ya suppose we paid out all that hard cash money fer this monopoly t’ give water away?” “Will ya sell me a drink?” the parched dancing girl gasped. “Why, sartainly! Whut do ya suppose we cornered th’ water market fer if not to sell at a profit?” “ How ’Il ya sell it, Sam?”’ “We ain't quite got around t’ that yit. How about it, Dan? What d’ya say, Jim? How’ll we dispose of this yere gold mine of ourn?” “By th’ paper cup,” Jim Rooney said briskly. “ By th’ what?” a miner whimpered. “ By th’ paper cup, I said.” “ Whut! Them leetle thimbles? Holy mackérel, them things don’t hold more'n half a swaller!” “Mebbe they don’t hold much water, but they’re real sanitary, and we got t’ think fust of our clients’ health. We cain’t let our customers all drink out o’ th’ same’ cup and all come down with some dread disease, like typhoid or pneumony. Belle, you trot into th’ hotel and fetch out a half dozen cartons of them paper cups from that shelf above my desk.” Belle raced into the hotel and came tot- tering back with her arms full of long, slen- der white boxes. Black Dan accepted them, opened one box and stood the sanitary paper cups on a clean plank. “ Now, ladies and gents,” Black Dan an- nounced, “‘ we're ready to do business. Who wants th’ fust sanitary drinkin’ cup of this vere cool, refreshin’, exhiliratin’, sparklin’, thirst-quenchin’ water? It’s piped straight to our storeroom, ladies and gents, from th’ babblin’ torrents in yonder mountains! Every drop is icy cold and plumb full o’ th’ tang of th’ great outdoors! Every drop dripped down into that sparklin’ mountain torrent from some nice cold glacier. Every drop is chuck full of ozone, snap and vigor. It’s healthy! It's sanitary! It’s cold and it’s wet!” Judge Oglethorpe came rushing over with bulging eyes, but stopped with bands half raised at the threat of Black Dan’s revolver. ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY. ‘“‘ No rough stuff, jedge. This water hole is ourn. We paid spot cash fer it. The fust man whut comes closer th’n five feet. t’ this concession without our permission is a goin’ t’ die like a dawg! Who wants t’ buy some o’ this dee-licious, invigoratin’ water?” “You know it’s perfectly outrageous,” the judge sputtered, “ to sell water at any price in those absurdly small containers!” “ Jedge,” Jim Rooney explained slowly and kindly, “ya evidently ain’t well ac- quainted yet with the ways o’ the West and how men comport theirselves when they’ve gone without water fer a long spell. If ya knew yore West like ya do yore law ya wouldn’t ask sech a childish question. When a man’s gone without water fer a long spell, it’s fatal fer him to drink it down in gulps. Th’ customary and usual way fer him t’ take water at fust is t’ suck it out of a rag that’s been dipped in water. Savvy? And each of these leetle sanitary containers hold a long, thirst-satisfyin’ swaller. Are ya buyin’ or ain’t ya?” “You three are inhuman monsters!’’ the judge sputtered. “ Sell me this tin cup full of water at your own price. I will not drink water by the thimbleful!”’ ‘‘ Jedge, ya say that cause ya don’t on- derstand. Th’ linin’ of yore stummick is in a highly inflamed condition. I’ve seen strong men die in turrible agony who’ve gulped down water with their stummick in the dangerous shape yores is in.” The judge hesitated. And the man who had unwisely indulged in poison liquor came crawling a few inches at a time across the dusty road. He was gasping. His eyes were glassy and strange. ““Whar’s th’ water hole?” he gasped. “Tell me whar th’ water hole is!” “Right yere, stranger. Yan want to buy?” ‘‘ Shore, I want to buy. I’m a sick man. How much will ya sell me a cup fer?” “Two bucks and a half, stranger.” “Fair enough!” the imbiber whispered. “ Fill me up a cup and give me brimin’ measure. Yere’sa bill. It’s a fiver. Gimme two cups.” Black Dan dipped into the tub with one of the cups. He poured its contents into COMmica@oo SS Co