Argosy All-Story Weekly, June 13, 1925 — page 81: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THROW UP YOUR HANDS. D090 for its sin and vice and corruption, and peopled by white-livered polecats?”’ ‘““No!” the witness shouted. “ And you can furnish proofs to support your asseveration?”’ “ My whut, jedge?”’ ‘“ Your asseveration.”’ The witness looked more embarrassed than before. A guilty crimson stole up un- der his beard to his narrow, wrinkled fore- head. ‘“‘ Jedge,” he whispered, “ ain’t that a naughty word?” Judge Oglethorpe chuckled. “ No, my boy, it merely means that you are stating what you believe to be truthful. I asked you if you could furnish proofs.” “Shore I can!” “Tl bet you a thousand dollars you can’t!” Red Wilpin exclaimed. ‘Tl bet ya a million dollars I kin!” the witness roared. “ Tl bet you a billion dollars you can’t!” the bandit shouted. “Tl bet you a trillion dollars I kin!” “T’ll bet you a quadrillion dollars you can’t!” The witness opened his hairy old mouth again, but the wanted words would not come. He clasped his horny old hands and gazed imploringly at the judge. “Vore honor, whut can I do? He wins! He’s a better educated man than I am.” The judge was in a quandary. But sud- denly his face lightened. Leaning forward he pointed a forefinger at Red Wilpin. “Very well,” he said. ‘“ Put up your money!” “You know I ain’t got that much on me,” the prisoner exclaimed indignantly. Judge Oglethorpe settled back in his seat. He banged on the bar, “We've had enough of this horse-play. It is evident to me, and I am sure it is patent to all of you, that the accused is at- tempting by every imaginable device to ob- struct the wheels of justice. I asked the witness a plain, unvarnished question. This bandit interrupted with a ridiculous wager and raised a question entirely aside from the issue at stake. “The witness, under oath, answered my question. I have asked him to furnish proof in denial of the accused’s assertion and in support of my own, namely, that Yumpa is a fair, beautiful, peace-loving community. The witness will now furnish such proofs as are in his possession.”’ The crowd in Hell’s Delight settled back to listen. ‘“Yore honor,” Dirty Neck Arthur Glob- lon began, stretching himself out comfort- ably in his chair, “ and ladies and gents, I ain’t accustomed, as most of ya know, t’ speech-makin’, but I’m a goin’ to try to do my leetle best. The fust proof I have to offer his honor yere is this: Ef I hada - leetle, innocent datter, say fifteen, sixteen years of age, and I wanted to have that leetle gal grow up in a town with a clean, decent, spiritchal atmosphere, I’d bring her to Yumpa.” Judge Oglethorpe leniently permitted the cheering to run its course. When it had subsided, he asked: ‘Are you a married man, Mr. Globlon?”’ ce Nope.” “Any children?” ‘Great gosh, jedge, snap out of it!” The judge blushed at his careless mis- take. ‘* Are there any married men in the court room?” he inquired. “I wish the married men present would raise their right hands.” Half the men in Hell’s Delight raised their hands. Judge Oglethorpe leaned forward, a faint smile at his lips. “Those of you married men who agree with Mr. Globlon that Yumpa is an ideal place to bring a fifteen or sixteen year old girl who is innocent and, permit me to add, beautiful, will kindly signify in the usual manner.” The room echoed with “ Ayes!” “Tl tell the world,’ Red Wilpin mut- tered, “that this here gang shore hankers to see young, beautiful and innocent little girls brought to Yumpa!” “ Hont soit qui mal y pense!” Julius Yost sneered. “What does that mean?” ‘Tt means, ‘ Evil be to him who evil thinks!’ ” Well,” Red Wilpin snorted, “ you sure are due for a share of evil.” comiclbooks. C@