Argosy All-Story Weekly, May 17, 1924 — page 105: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE ELUSIVE MULE. “ Just to exhibit him, [ reckon!’’ Solemn sneered. “Not especially just to ‘ exhibit’ him,” Dirty Shirt replied meekly, a note of re- straint in his voice; “ it took that long for ‘is hind heels to get calm!” Solemn Johnson flushed a dull red: ‘“‘ Got any more of that lemon sody, Ed?” he snapped, “ give me some, but—” “For them reasons,” Dirty Shirt broke in, his brown eyes twinkling a trifle, “ I figure there ain’t nothin’ in the total uni- verse as seldom as a dead mule!”’ Solemn glared belligerently at Dirty Shirt. “There’s something scarcer than a dead mule,” Solemn began coldly, deliberately; “ something that you won’t find one of to where you'll probably find forty dead mules; something no man has ever discovered; something I’ve been pinin’ and hopin’ to see from time immemorial; something—’”’ “ Well, of all things!” Dirty Shirt inter- posed abruptly. ‘‘ Who ever heard of the like? Solemn Johnson says there’s some- thin’ rarer than a dead mule. I’d just like to know what’s more inconspicuous than a dead mule!” Solemn flung his lance defiantly: “A Chinaman with only one eye!” he cried unexpectedly. Dirty Shirt flinched in sudden confusion. ** Aw—what th’—aw—” he floundered. “A Chinaman with only one eye!” Solemn Johnson’ repeated, gloatingly. “That’s what’s seldomer than a dead mule, or a million dead mules, for that matter! Did you ever see a Chinaman with only one eye, Dirty Shirt Smith? Did you ever even hear of a Chinaman with only one eye? “Did you ever go as far as to imagine that a Chinaman with only one eye was possible? Just stop and think and answer me that!” Dirty Shirt was speechless. Try as he would, he couldn’t remember ever having seen a Chinese with only one eye. What was worse, what made him feel still more helpless, more utterly impotent, he couldn’t recall a single instance wherein he had heard of a Chinese with only one eye. 255 Dirty Shirt’s brain seemed numbed. He felt as if he had never until that instant realized that it was possible that a Chinese with only one eye might have been omitted from the great cosmic scheme of things. \ Solemn Johnson took instant advantage of the embarrassing position in which he had placed Dirty Shirt Smith. “Show me a Chinaman with only one eye,” Solemn cried, exultingly; ‘show me a personal Chinaman with only one eye! And I’ll show you something scarcer than any dead mule ever dared to be! ‘Did you ever encounter a Chinaman with only one eye, Ed?” he asked the bar- tender. “ Did you ever even hear of one?” Ed’s silence was eloquent testimony to the scarcity of a Chinese with only one eye. Solemn followed up the attack: ‘““ No!” he shouted. “‘ You bet you never saw no Chinaman with only one eye! No- body ever did. Colonel Spilkins never did; Chuck Roden never did; Mother Skillern never did—she’d just laugh if you asked her! “Did you ever experience a Chinaman with only one eye, Dirty Shirt Smith? Answer me that interrogation point! Did you ever get even the slightest trace of one? I doubt if Wong Gee himself ever saw a single ultimate individual Chinaman with only one eye.” “Well, of—of—all things!” Dirty Shirt managed to gasp, “‘ Who ever heard of the like? Who ever heard of a Chinaman with only one eye bein’ as hard to obtain as a dead mule!” After which the argument proceeded. Gray shadows, weird and ghostly, had flung themselves across the dismal depths of Sodamint Canon; only the dim outlines of Dead Angel Mountain could be barely discerned; the prowling vandal wolves had long since begun their evening serenade around the lonely Joshua tree out at Arsenic Springs in the midst of the un- speakable desert far from the habitations of man, when Solemn Johnson and Dirty Shirt Smith, still discussing a Chinese with only one eye versus a dead mule, emigrated from the fourth oasis—otherwise Saloon Number Four—and journeyed to the door / COMMICLOOOKS (C@