Argosy All-Story Weekly, December 2, 1922 — page 170: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

640 ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY, conditions is getting tough for him, anyhow, and the celery is hardly woith it. The trouble is on account there is too much room between the bases. Baby Ruthstein is getting wide around the middle chust like myseluf, and when a feller gets that way he don’t like to walk much. The trouble is when Baby Ruthstein knocked one over the fences he has to walk all the way around and touch all of the bases with his feet. It is a pretty long trip after a feller gets tired stending out in the hot sun all afternoon. Stitl you got to touch all of them three bases and the home dish with your feet. There was a feller wunst who didn’t touch second, and eferybody said he was dumb. 1 don’t think so. He was a smart feller who was looking ahead to the time when they wouldn’t have to be so perticular. It would be one of the demands of the new union that a player wouldn’t have to run all the way down to second if he was tired out. You could conceeded it the base chust like in goluf a feller would conceed it the hole, and a feller wouldn’t be all tired out at the end from the game. You couldn’t expect it a feller which he is getting a celery of seventy-five thou- sand dollars a year to do the rough work. Does a benk president go ofer to the edding machine and edd up the figures when he is sending you the bill around for the interest? No, sir, he has a clerk edd up the figures and another clerk to put them down. Then he has an assistant which dictations a wery firm note, which they send it with the * bill. No feller who gets a big celery does any hard work. The bigger is the celery the smaller is the work that is connectioned with it. Even a boss plumber has a lot of assistants. When Baby Ruthstein gets it his rights all he would have to do would be to sit on the bench and give it the directions, and belief me, when you start to get so round like me and Baby Ruthstein you can woik better sitting down. All that the Baby will have to do when it comes his time to bet will be to give the orders to his assistants. He will say: “ Jones, take bet No. 4 and hend it to Smith. White, as soon as Smith hits the ball over the fence you run around the bases. As soon as the run is scored come into box 13 and notify me. I will be there with a party of friends who would be anxious to know the result of the trensection on account they may have a little money bet on it.” Then he would call over his cheneral superintentent which he would have charge of all the helup. ‘“ Thomas,” he would say, ‘‘ you got to be more firm with the helup. Yesterday Smith didn’t hit the ball far enough, and White didn’t run fast enough so that he was caught out before he could reach the home dish. If this should occur again I should be forced to fire eferybody, inclusioning yourseluf. Carelessness about these little metters of detail I couldn’t stend for. If things like this is going to heppen I might chust as well be out there myseluf.” Well, as I said in the foist place, I nefer had much use for them unions, and when the foist strike comes I am going to the magnets and take Baby Ruthstein’s chob for the same celery. The photografting business is rotten now, anyhow, and I am chust as wide in the middle as Baby Ruthstein. I could got a couple of fellers to do the hitting and the running cheap. Goop ApwIcE — Never pay Next week Izzy Kaplan BRADSTREETS no attention to the knockers. THE WRESTLING BUSINESS. st RWE if you are a nobody, nobody sseA-\ would knock you. You got to be o—.. om a somebody before they would even take out the hemmers. =~ ~ ~ = — ~ Aq ~~ “— f eonicbooks.cotn