Argosy, Vol. 117, No. 3 — page 64: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

874 “Mr. Dugan has done most of the prelimi- nary work for us,” says the boss, takin’ a little pile of blue cards from his desk. ‘“He’s done everything, I suppose, but collect the money?” “Ves.” “ Kind of him, ain’t it, to leave the soft- est part of the job for us—for me, I mean.” “ These,” says the boss, fiddlin’ with the little blue cards, “‘ is some of the outstandin’ accounts. Mr. Dugan give me these to start off with. If we’re successful in col- lectin’ them we get all his business durin’ his receivership.” “ Let’s see one,” I ask him, holdin’ out my hand. He gives me the top one, and I read: “you FURNISH THE BRIDE—WE FURNISH THE HOME ” ACCOUNT NO. 4356 FEINSTEIN & REILLY 8888 Eighth Ave. Name: Michael P. Flanagan. Address: 1892 Third Avenue. Occupation: Boiler-maker. Married: Yes. GOODS PURCHASED: One dining-room suite (8 pieces)... $206.60 One bedroom suite (4 pieces)........ 83.95 CI IO chs sacked ve 11.32.- One upright piano.......................... « I10.00 One-parior lamp.-........022.2.n2222... 6.45 $508.32 LUE 1”) aaa eae 50.00 Instalments paid: at S1o per week.... 20.00 ae fe SS 438.32 Date of purchase: October 13, 1902. - Last instalment paid: February 14, 1903. Remarks: Purchaser has persistently refused to pay instalments, frequently using threat- ening and abusive language to collectors. “For the love I bear the noble game of stud poker!”’ I exclaim. “ So this is what’s known as an outstandin’ account! I should say it is—over sixteen years since the guy paid any instalments. And you’re hopin’ to get some dough out of him now. Why, you're crazy! So is Millard Fillmore Dugan. The only sensible guys mixed up in this business is Feinstein & Reilly; they had brains enough to go bankrupt. “Why, say, do you know where that fur- niture is now? Michael P. Flanagan’s THE ARGOSY. grandchildren prob’ly chopped it up for firewood durin’ the cold spell last winter. Honest, boss, do you, or Millard Fillmore Dugan, or Feinstein & Reilly expect for a minute that you’re goin’ to get a guy to pay for stuff that he’s prob’ly forgot he ever bought? And did you get that stuff about the threatenin’ and abusive language? No guy named Michael P. Flanagan is goin’ to separate himself from any darby that he’s dodged payin’ for sixteen years just because I tell him to. How many more of these outstandin’ accounts is like this one?” I ask, reachin’ over for more cards. “Don’t!” orders the boss, grabbin’ my wrist. ‘“ You’ll mix the cards up.” “It can’t hurt them none,” I tell him. “ Puttin’ them in alphabetic order ain’t goin’ to make nobody pay for parlor furni- ture that’s all wore out. Why, I’ll bet three quarters of the people on them cards is dead.” 3 ‘ Joe, you don’t understand—” ‘“‘T understand enough to know you can’t collect no money from a guy that’s lyin’ under a stone with ‘ Rest in Peace’ on it.” “Mr. Dugan told me—” ‘I don’t care what Mr. Dugan told you. I know what collectin’ money is. Don’t I have trouble enough makin’ you pay me my wages?” ** Joe, Mr. Dugan admitted that most of these accounts is dead—legally dead. What we're to do is to bring ’em to life.” ‘““ With what—a pulmotor?”’ ‘“‘ I’m serious,” says the boss. “ Most of these accounts is outlawed. That’s because they’re so old they have whiskers. We know that startin’ out. But the law says if you can get a man that owes money to pay somethin’—even if it’s only a buck— that makes the account active again, and—”’ : ‘““ Which cemetery do you think we ought to work first—Greenwood or Calvary?” ‘““As I. was sayin’,” goes on the boss, frownin’ at me for gettin’ rosy, “‘ the pay- ment of somethin’ on account amounts to an acknowledgment of indebtedness which will permit the receiver to institute legal pro- ceedin’s to—’’ “All that’s as clear as the League of Nations,” I butt in. ‘ You don’t know what COMMICLOO© (C S Gon