Argosy All-Story Weekly, April 14, 1928 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

146 * And why should it move you to unseemly mirth?” Nora shot him a mocking smile. “The song’s all right, but to have you sing it—well, it’s rather incongru- ous.” Mr. Laucus rose from his chair and approached, rested his six feet upon the edge of the girl’s typewriter desk, and regarded her sternly. “Provided you know what. incon- gruous means, Miss Meagher, you have delivered a dirty dig. But how could one so young and beautiful, one so un- acquainted with four-syllable words, one whose spelling is so bizarre, one who ought to be fired for general in- competency, know the meaning of such a mouth-filler ?”’ Nora regarded him saucily. “T know what it means, and [ can spell it. So there, Mr. Lucus.” ‘“‘ Prisoner refuses to plead innocent. All right. What makes you think [ am dishonest?” She pointed to a pile of letters. Mr. Lucus lifted bushy, reddish eye- brows. “The sales letters? Miss Meagher, compared to the line of chatter in an ordinary sales letter— Say, did you ever hear of Warren Hastings?” “Ves. He was an English general, or something.” “Something is right. He was the Governor of India about a hundred and twenty-five years ago. He was a great old boy. Swiped everything in India that wasn’t nailed down. Even took the gold filling from the teeth of the Indian rajahs, and it required about six ships to carry home his swag. “When he landed in England they immediately put him on trial for grait, robbery, murder, arson, and everything else they could think of. Do you know what Warren Hastings said?” “Good morning, judge *” “ Nix.” Lucus drew himself up and assumed a manner of great dignity. He opened his arms in an eloquent ges- ture. “‘Gentlemen, when I consider ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY. my opportunities, I marvel at my mod- eration.’ ” “Just another crook,” Nora. “ Now, when I think what I might have put in those sales letters, I marvel at my self-restraint and adherence to truth. ’'m so honest that I wouldn’t steal a kiss—that’s Lester Lucus. If Diogenes ever met me, he would blow out his lantern.” “You hate yourself,” said Miss Meagher. “‘ A person who bought a_lot on what you say in this letter could have you put in jail for misrepresenta- tion.” “No, marm. Old Davenport is lia- ble to call me for not making it strong enough. Fact is, Nora, you have got to sort of—er—exaggerate to sell, but the buyer always allows for that and dis- counts it. If I told the exact truth, he would take twenty-five per cent of that off for sales-bull, and then he would get a bad opinion of Laguna-by-the pea.” “* Only thirty miles and forty min- utes from New York,’ ” she sniffed. “ By airplane, precious, as the crow flies.” “Within two or three minutes of some of the wealthiest homes.’ ” “ By automobile, if you exceed the speed limit.” “*Superb view of Long Island Sound.’ ” “When they cut Big Horn Moun- tain away.” “* Going like hot cakes.’ ” “How do I know how fast hot cakes gor Maybe they don’t go at ali.” “*<Three-quarters of the develop- ment already allotted.’ ”’ “Well, so it is. All we got to do is tell the fellows we allotted it to.” “*Healthy as the Adirondacks. {deal for young children.’ ” “When the swamps are drained, it will be just as healthy as the Rocky Mountains.” “ And when will that be?” observed (E00) DOOKS AMIN (E@)